Potholes on my journey

Just when you think things are happening for you a hurdle jumps in the road. I was having TCH & on my sixth round  I had a pretty severe reaction to the carboplatin. Due to this the next four rounds have been abandoned. I feel pretty deflated and ripped off. Now I continue with Herceptin only & wait and see. 

I struggle with the fact that I gain an acceptance to what I must endure and then the game changes. I have continued to try to be little miss positivity but at times it is hard to project. I laughing told myself after being diagnosed that its ok I will get a new set of smaller boobs from all of this ( I have always had more then my fair share) and now due to my diagnosis I don't even get that. I would like to be able to jump up & down and demand surgery rather then just sit there and say ok. 

I am a very determined person so I struggle when I am told that I do not have a choice about my treatment, as I told the oncology registrar that I would like to keep going, try another treatment it is too early to stop I am only four months down the road on this long journey.. I want to know why don't we have a choice they are our bodies after all and we endure the treatment

I struggle when my family tell me look on the bright side you get a break from treatment. I don't want a break. I have minimal side effects lets keep going, get these liver mets under control. I don't want to hear your alive, your here. I want to hear lets win....

I am one strong determined person but I do struggle sometimes and whilst I have very supportive people in my life it is very hard to tell them exactly what my fears are.