Intimacy

Hi Leanne

No matter what..... you are always beautiful, inside and out.

It has been tough on you as well as your hubbie. Men, I find, are like cave men, they hunt and bring home the "bacon". If they can't fix a problem, then they find it hard to accept. And, maybe you have been the problem (as you have been sick), and he can't fix it. Seeing you sick and going through so much, he is finding it hard to accept. He may have the excuse, but maybe deep down, it really relates to another matter, you and not being healthy and normal like it was before.

As the other girls have said, you need to communicate either by talking about it, or putting it to pen and paper.

I always, told my hubbie, how I felt with everything during this horrible time.

If he, didn't know what was going on in my mind. He just walked on egg shells.

We all, have had the sex problem, and I admit still, I find it hard and hurts.

Don't cover yourself up, cos remember, the person on the inside is still there. You are and will be always beautiful, you need to tell yourself that.... every day.

Smile :)

Make a date night with your hubby, and surprise him with a lovely cooked dinner (or even better, takeway) Make time for each other, it may lead to talk and the other thing.........

hope we have helped in some way.

Love and big hugs Julie XX

Hi Leanne

No matter what..... you are always beautiful, inside and out.

It has been tough on you as well as your hubbie. Men, I find, are like cave men, they hunt and bring home the "bacon". If they can't fix a problem, then they find it hard to accept. And, maybe you have been the problem (as you have been sick), and he can't fix it. Seeing you sick and going through so much, he is finding it hard to accept. He may have the excuse, but maybe deep down, it really relates to another matter, you and not being healthy and normal like it was before.

As the other girls have said, you need to communicate either by talking about it, or putting it to pen and paper.

I always, told my hubbie, how I felt with everything during this horrible time.

If he, didn't know what was going on in my mind. He just walked on egg shells.

We all, have had the sex problem, and I admit still, I find it hard and hurts.

Don't cover yourself up, cos remember, the person on the inside is still there. You are and will be always beautiful, you need to tell yourself that.... every day.

Smile :)

Make a date night with your hubby, and surprise him with a lovely cooked dinner (or even better, takeway) Make time for each other, it may lead to talk and the other thing.........

hope we have helped in some way.

Love and big hugs Julie XX

Hello - how are you all today ? I'm ok except tired.  Leonie, I am having my 6th out of 6 chemo ( last one ) on the 1st May and have been having FEC 100 each 3 weeks. Then on 24th May, I continue with my breast re-constuction, which is more saline in my tissue expanders and then implants ( hopefully a size C cup )  . When I think back on our 30 year marriage,we have had a few issues with communication - hubby likes to be right and sulks when I want to thrash something out, which frustrates me cos I like to talk things out.  He doesn't seem to mind my bald head but it seems to be my breasts and I was able to save my nipples so I look normal  but small and scarred. I will be dissappointed if his attitude changes with C cup perky implants and faded scars cos to me that's not fair.  Sorry to rant and thank you again for your input.   Take care  Leanne  Xxx

Hi Leanne,

I'm glad the ladies have jumped on here to share their comments. I thought I would also mention that if you haven't already, you may like to read BCNA's book on breast cancer and sexual wellbeing, available for download or by calling us on 1800 500 258. It discusses things like feeling uncomfortable with the way you look, and also suggests practical ways to build intimacy with your partner.

All the best Leanne

Annie

Hi Leanne,

I'm glad the ladies have jumped on here to share their comments. I thought I would also mention that if you haven't already, you may like to read BCNA's book on breast cancer and sexual wellbeing, available for download or by calling us on 1800 500 258. It discusses things like feeling uncomfortable with the way you look, and also suggests practical ways to build intimacy with your partner.

All the best Leanne

Annie

Hi Leanne,  Where do I start to support you?  Without knowing what stage you are at in your treatment or what meds you are on, I can only comment on how I "ride" the intamcy trail.  Being on Arimidex my libido has pretty well "sailed away" compared to how it was prior to bc diagnosis over 6 years ago.  I am thankful that my husband works so hard and is very tired most of the time - going to bed way before me.  I find myself counting the days - dreading the "gaps" between sessions knowing that I will need to "get in the mood".  So probably I am lucky that my husband still finds me desireable. (not getting to a solution for your problem yet)  When I first had surgery, my husband avoided me too not wanting to hurt me.  Then when I had chemo he would "freak out" when I went to bed without a cap to hide the bald head.  And of course during chemo ,sex was limited due to toxicity issues and of course illness.  It really is a timing thing - my husband was sympathic to my needs (or lack of) when I was ill so now  It is  about me being aware of supporting his needs and being more available than I really want to be.  The starting point for you is through your mouth - it is called communication.  Find out exactly how he feels about everything. You may need to talk to a professional - the sooner the quicker you will solve the issue.  I do use a lot of humour - even in intimacy.  Good luck XLeonie

Hi Leanne,  Where do I start to support you?  Without knowing what stage you are at in your treatment or what meds you are on, I can only comment on how I "ride" the intamcy trail.  Being on Arimidex my libido has pretty well "sailed away" compared to how it was prior to bc diagnosis over 6 years ago.  I am thankful that my husband works so hard and is very tired most of the time - going to bed way before me.  I find myself counting the days - dreading the "gaps" between sessions knowing that I will need to "get in the mood".  So probably I am lucky that my husband still finds me desireable. (not getting to a solution for your problem yet)  When I first had surgery, my husband avoided me too not wanting to hurt me.  Then when I had chemo he would "freak out" when I went to bed without a cap to hide the bald head.  And of course during chemo ,sex was limited due to toxicity issues and of course illness.  It really is a timing thing - my husband was sympathic to my needs (or lack of) when I was ill so now  It is  about me being aware of supporting his needs and being more available than I really want to be.  The starting point for you is through your mouth - it is called communication.  Find out exactly how he feels about everything. You may need to talk to a professional - the sooner the quicker you will solve the issue.  I do use a lot of humour - even in intimacy.  Good luck XLeonie