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joadavis's avatar
joadavis
Member
14 years ago

I hate having cancer!

I hate having cancer! I hate not being being able to do 5 things in a day without feeling exhausted, I hate that i have to rely on people to drive to me places in the first week and a half as my meds make me dizzy, I hate the endless tablets that i need to take, I hate that my vains are so sore and my arm is stiff, I hate that I have blurry vision after chemo, I hate that my taste budds have weakened, I hate that i'm an emotional wreck and cry when a sad song comes on or a movie moment, I hate I cannot read a book because my eyes get sore, I hate that I loose concentration so easily, I hate I forget everything, I hate that I cannot carry on a decent conversation in the first week and a half, I hate that my sense of smell has increased, I hate that I nag my poor fiance and I dont feel like hugging him :( I hate that my hearing is so senstive, I hate being the youngest one in the chemo ward, I hate that I'm not flying thru chemo and my body is taking a battering, I hate that this is gonna carry on for the next 12 months, I hate that i'm always hungry and have the strangest cravings, I hate that I have reflux and thrush, I hate that my mouth is sore, I hate that im bald and dont feel pretty :( I hate that my skin is so dry and need to moisturise every hr of the day, I hate feeling so "off", I hate that i'm scared of not being able to have children, I hate shuffling everywhere, I hate seeing the sadness on my families face watching me suffer, I hate that I am 27 years old and have cancer, I hate the look of dissappointment on my neice and nephew face when i cant play with them like i used to, I hate that hate cancer.......BUT I smile because i know i'm not alone :) ok now I have vented....its your turn! haha (it feels so good) :) now im exhausted haha! xoxoxox

  • Sorrentino-Mari's avatar
    Sorrentino-Mari
    Member
    14 years ago

    Dearest Sam and Jo,  I agree in every single hate...I just turned 32 and you know guys I completely understand you....BUT FROM NOW GIRLS...I LOVE THIS...AND I LOVE THAT....AND I AM STARTING TO SAY I LOVE YOU DEAR GIRLS FOR BEING HERE WHEN I MOST NEED IT!

    I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

    Leonor

  • hb's avatar
    hb
    Member
    14 years ago

    I loved your hate lists, there's nothing like 'venting' and this is probably the one safe place you have to do it. Sometimes I hate having to be 'positive' and cheerful. I guess I don't really *have* to be but that's how it feels sometimes. Your posts made me cry, and then made me smile. Thanks xxx

  • JJoy's avatar
    JJoy
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Joadavis and Sillysam - Well girls after reading that I figured one thing, all the women on this site 'get it' - and yes you have a right to be angry, there isn't one of us out there that hasn't thought about what we hate from time to time and its ok to vent - that is the wonderful thing about this site.  Please seek some counselling, I mean it can't do any harm can it, and sometimes you need someone outside the square to see things a little differently and help you understand your feelings.  Right now you are angry, hurt and mighty upset, and you will from time to time have more days like that - having said that, you will also have better days when you are coping a little easier.  It's hard to I know, but remember there are people out there that 'love you' and we are here when you need us x x x Josie

  • JJoy's avatar
    JJoy
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Joadavis and Sillysam - Well girls after reading that I figured one thing, all the women on this site 'get it' - and yes you have a right to be angry, there isn't one of us out there that hasn't thought about what we hate from time to time and its ok to vent - that is the wonderful thing about this site.  Please seek some counselling, I mean it can't do any harm can it, and sometimes you need someone outside the square to see things a little differently and help you understand your feelings.  Right now you are angry, hurt and mighty upset, and you will from time to time have more days like that - having said that, you will also have better days when you are coping a little easier.  It's hard to I know, but remember there are people out there that 'love you' and we are here when you need us x x x Josie

  • joadavis's avatar
    joadavis
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thank you to all of you for ur lovely messages :) Im normally prety happy go lucky like today i did my neices makeup with glitter etc (mind u shes 4!) but o well haha shes so cute and on thursday my neice and nephew are gonna put tattoos on my bald head haha but the other day was a moment of weakness :(

    Thank you Christine and Tonya for ur words of wisdon and advice, Thanks Bardoe for nur handy hint! And silly sam....ill chat to u on facebook lol! but hang in there, we are here for eachother :)

    I love this site! its so relieving to know that we are all in this together and just a few words of support from lovely ladies like urselves really lifts my spirits so thank you!

    But I try and think everyday-ive been given cancer for a reason...not sure why as yet...but everything is meant for a reason :)

    xoxxoxo

  • Bardoe's avatar
    Bardoe
    Member
    14 years ago

    the doctors and your medical team do forget the emotion side needs support and its good to rant, but the chemo's can make you more depressed and if your not like that, its very alien to you, but once your aware there a ways to help that.

    perhaps look for a counsellor to help you with this if you feel the need as it can be easier to speak with a neutral 3rd party about all the shitty scary stuff

    rather than family and close friends who are pertrified of losing you and trying to deal with it also.

    but sit back with some of the side effects,  I have a disclaimer,  its chemo weeek, I wont make sense, tell me about it later so we can have a laugh. I have work emails that came back with    What the ????

    several people have told me, to go with food cravings, its your body telling you whats missing after the chemo and I salt cravings, cheese, crackers, twisties etc.

    you could try a naturpath solution for thrush, soak garlic clove over night in water, dip tampon in garlic water and insert, it upsets the acidity for the bad bacteria.

    hope some of this helps, B

     

     

  • Christine_Denni's avatar
    Christine_Denni
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi.....I dont know anyone that loves cancer  and all that goes with it. The way I look at it...hate is a waste of energy that you dont have.  Put your energy into something that you love and you will be better off.

    I have finished chemo and I am now back at work full time. I am still waiting for the feeling to come back in my feet, toes and fingers. No one can tell me when that might happen as its different with everyone. I have grown 10mm of hair (well its more like fuzz) Lots of grey in there but i dont care just so long as it grows back and keeps my head warm.

    I still have Herceptin every three weeks for the next 8 months and tamoxifen tablets for the next five years. All the test that go with the treatments like CT scans, chest xrays, bloods, bone density, ECG every 3 months.

    But all in all, Life is Good!!!!!  and I have 5 children, 4 grand children to fuss over and a wonderful husband to love me, two fantastic parents and a wonderful boss. So I cant complain.

    I hope you find your way to love what you have and stop using up your energy hating everything that is happening to you. None of us asked to have cancer but we make the best of life and take little steps towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Take care and hugs to you xoxo

    Chrissy D:) xoxox

  • Christine_Denni's avatar
    Christine_Denni
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi.....I dont know anyone that loves cancer  and all that goes with it. The way I look at it...hate is a waste of energy that you dont have.  Put your energy into something that you love and you will be better off.

    I have finished chemo and I am now back at work full time. I am still waiting for the feeling to come back in my feet, toes and fingers. No one can tell me when that might happen as its different with everyone. I have grown 10mm of hair (well its more like fuzz) Lots of grey in there but i dont care just so long as it grows back and keeps my head warm.

    I still have Herceptin every three weeks for the next 8 months and tamoxifen tablets for the next five years. All the test that go with the treatments like CT scans, chest xrays, bloods, bone density, ECG every 3 months.

    But all in all, Life is Good!!!!!  and I have 5 children, 4 grand children to fuss over and a wonderful husband to love me, two fantastic parents and a wonderful boss. So I cant complain.

    I hope you find your way to love what you have and stop using up your energy hating everything that is happening to you. None of us asked to have cancer but we make the best of life and take little steps towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Take care and hugs to you xoxo

    Chrissy D:) xoxox

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    14 years ago

    I hate having cancer too... :( 

    I hate that I was sooooo happy and should be enjoying my honeymoon period (as only getting married 4 months before diagnose) but instead we've been hit with this bombshell... 

    I hate that I havent worked a full week all year... I hate being 28 and doctors and nurses mistake my mother who is 62 as the patient when we go to appointments together... I hate that hospital visits just seem to be part of our lives now.... I hate that I'm always tired.... I hate that I brought a brand new car (holden barina spark) 1 month before I got diagnosed and spent most of this year not being able to drive it as its a manual and its so uncomftable and a constent reminder every time I do drive it.... I hate my 'new' boob (but havent finished my reconstruction yet)... I hate that this has taken a whole year out of my life.... I hate that I have no proof the cancer hasnt spread and theres this 'what if' sign hanging up in my mind... I hate that I'm scared we cant have kids, & if we do, they might get this disease too... I hate that my memory isnt perfect like it use to be... I hate that all I can talk about is Breast Cancer.... I hate crying over nothing.... I hate that I have to rely so much on my parents and husband & can tell they are tired & should be relaxing or having 'their' time... I hate that some family and friends just dont seem to care or ask how I am.... I hate that so many people get diagnosed & hate that more and more people join this site everyday.... I hate that so many people airnt even educated about Breast Cancer & alot of people are too shy to go to the doctor when they do feel something strange.... I hate that I cant get back into routine... I hate that I have to live with this for the rest of my life.... I hate that I feel guilty for not having Chemo and still find things to complain about everyday... I hate that I'm depressed & hate that there are so many things I hate... lol.... 

    But I am also very happy for this website & very happy for all the love and support I have that makes all the things I hate a little better... lol...