Get Well soon Dear K. @kmakm

@Eastmum We are all different and we all know that grief is individual, and not linear. However, separate comments from both my oncologist and (breast cancer specialising) psychologist have indicated the importance of acknowleging and processing the grief of a BC diagnosis.

I know that I'm a lot damper because of the previous five years of family trauma, not just because of my BC.

@melclarity has written beautifully about the timing of her grief process.

You've still got a way to go in your treatment, and I'm told that for many it's when active treatment finishes and survivorship starts that it hits them. See how you go, I wouldn't worry about it now, if indeed you are! K xox

@kmakm...I must say the excessive lachrymal leaking has pretty much stopped now, but it did last about a year. Crying. for me was also something seldom done before this. My late (fuck he's not late, he's dead)brother and I spent five years in a childrens' home, where crying marked you out for bullying and afterwards, when she remarried and took us out, the female who gave birth to me used to have a quaint habit of beating me with whatever was at hand and yelling "cry you bitch and I'll stop". So for me to be reduced to this blubbering mess was quite a shock, but once the valve was opened, it just flowed. For me, on reflection, I think it was the feeling that my own body had betrayed me...parents, the general public, friends, whoever...fine, but my own body going feral and trying to do me in...Nuhhh. But I reckon it did me the world of good in the end, as it was a great pressure release, which I had seldom utilised before. Happy eating and pooping...both take on a  whole new significance, don't they? xoxo

Ooh @kmakm I didn’t know there was belly button involvement in a DIEP flap! I haven’t researched it much yet, seeing that with almost certain radiation coming my way, my expanders will probs be my buddies for about a year. 
I noticed in DIEP photos that ladies’ navals have been taped up and I wondered why? Now the big reveal! 
I haven’t seen the bottom of my belly button since I was 9 months pregnant - how funny! 
So glad to hear your appetite is up and your body’s processing all that smashed avo like it’s supposed to - smashed avo in hospital = Melbourne as definitely the most hipster city. 
Weeping is so cathartic. I wish I could do more of it. Wanna hear a secret? I have not shed one tear since I was diagnosed. Actually that’s a lie - I did shed a tear or two of relief when I tore open the results of my staging scans in the car park and saw ‘no metastasis detected’ - so those were happy tears. But not one weep for me - and that’s NOT a good thing. I know that sooner or later it will all build up so much that it will come flooding out and woah anyone in the way. Letting it all out is so much better. 
Sleep well and enjoy your last day in hospital tomorrow! Xxxx

@tigerbeth @AllyJay The last five months have seen a LOT of crying in the shower! My home circumstances have dictated the need to keep up a brave face. As a result the valve has released quite often in a medical environment. And at night in the shower.

I am normally a pretty dry eyed person! I wonder if I'll return to her or whether this is one of the permanent changes? My mother said her BC changed her emotions in some areas.

@Eastmum Much better thank you. Food went in and waste came out. And for the first time since the op I was hungry!

Nights are harder though; I'm doing my best to keep myself out of the slough of despond.

The big reveal today was my belly button. My (peculiar) plastic surgeon told me he'd keep my original (good, I've never had an argument with it, always thought it was a good 'un) but since surgery it's been under cotton wool and tape so I've not been sure what's been lurking beneath.

The cotton wool was pretty manky and the tape was coming off so Nurse Jade removed it and we had a look. It is still the original, though it's definitely had a facelift! In the stretching of my belly to join the two incision edges it's a bit shallower now.

Mondo bizzaro, I never thought I'd be spending a Saturday night discussing my navel on an internet forum...

How was your day today @kmakm? Did you manage breakfast, lunch and dinner?? Xx

@AllyJay I've always done my crying in the shower !! 
& agree Kate give yourself a f*****g break !! 
Your bestie rocks !!

@AllyJay Excellent metaphoric imagery!

I vaguely recall something about Madonna advocating peeing in the shower...  ;) 

@AllyJay *pulls on gardening gloves*

I did my best crying in the shower. The noise of the water muffled my sobs and howls somewhat, and the tears, snot (and occasionally a bit of pee too...I'm no longer young) went down the drain together. That catharctic mental picture of my sorrows going down there too was quite helpful/