When does this all end? Four years into this journey and wanting it to end!I thought I was doing so well, tackling head on everything that has been handed to me, detours aplenty in this journey. Thought I had got to the top of the mountain and could enjoy the view and head on a new journey.But no, another detour. I am recovering from a Bilateral Salpingo - Oophorectomy and Hysterectomy and Prolapse repairs due to issues with Tamoxifen, a few hiccups with temp spikes in hospital but now home. Had surgery almost three weeks ago, some days I feel good then all of a sudden just dissolve into tears or just feel crappy, not sure if I am just being a sook or if the hormones are just going berserk ( chemo induced menopause then Tamoxifen and now ovaries removed) hate feeling like this.Everyone says that I am so strong and have handled everything so well on this journey as I have been doing it on my own, but I think we just become very good at hiding it. Maybe a combination of not being able to work, so that normality is not there and no sick leave left and payroll stuffed up Long Service Leave. Don't know the pathology outcome yet. Have mammograms and ultrasounds and visit to Oncologist next week, maybe just too much all at once.I know that it will get better, but thank you for listening, nice to be able to let it out and not to upset and worry friends and family. Should have taken share in a tissue factory though!Michelle

It's good to be able to talk to someone that's been there. Others try to understand but they can't really. You aren't been a sook, you have been through so much and the added stress of your work and pay wouldn't help that's for sure. Don't be hard on yourself, if you need to cry, cry. I hope things improve for you. I am a 30 year survivor

Best wishes for your appointments next week. It does sound like a lot at once, it's hard to avoid, and you will be relieved to get it over but stressful nevertheless. There is no law that says protracted side effects are easier to deal with!! Getting through one thing well doesn't mean you breeze through the next, and it's very reasonable to expect some respite after 4 years. So don't make things harder for yourself by thinking that you are failing, you are doing remarkably well under the circumstances. Thank you jjshep for a good reminder of what matters to us all - 30 years! Here's hoping next week is good news and you can give yourself a well deserved pat on the back.

@Michelle Wwhat a rough roller coaster you are on girl... I know that my emotions were all over the place after my Bilateral Salpingo - Oophorectomy and Hysterectomy back in 2004 this was prior to my Cancer Diagnosis in 2012. Be gentle on yourself...You have a right to want it to end. I would suggest trying to do some relaxation meditation to help as you sure have a lot going on... I am four years out from diagnosis and I have good and bad days.... hopefully the payroll gets sorted quickly for you as you sure dont need an extra stressors. I hope that next week you have a good consultation and know the plan ahead and that you can settle into the plan and that it goes as smooth as it can for you .. Hugs and energy Alice xoxox

I had all removable plumbing hauled out just before Christmas, a couple of weeks before I started chemo. I was that close to menopausal that I figured the final step (watch that one, it's a doozy) shouldn't be such a big deal. Right... I think everyone in close contact with me would be pretty OK with me doing tears and I already feel like crap from the chemo. It's the sudden transformation from a sort of saggy old Labrador type Marg to a raging 'Get the f*** out of my way. What is the matter with you?' Cujo type animal that we can all do without. Man, am I savage. Then I feel guilty as all hell. A bit of consistency would be nice, but I can't unring the bell and restore the little dribble of hormones that were, obviously, still doing me some good. Unfortunately they were feeding my cancer, that wasn't so great. Maybe I need to develop some 'safe' words so my nearest and dearest have a warning ( and permission) to run for the hills and a mechanism to tell me that I'm being a nightmare without me turning them to ashes, salt, whateva, when I'm turning feral. That dude in Safeway car park this afternoon though, the one who randomly cut in front of me... Stuff him. There's times when being a sweaty deranged bald woman is sort of advantageous. 'Do you find people yell stuff at you, Mate? Like "Get off your phone? And use your @^%$# indicators? And what am I the &*&&$@# invisible woman". Huh?' ***Random Dude still standing in car park with mouth hanging open, looking like pillar of salt***

Oh Michelle, just because you're fed up and have had enough doesn't mean you are a sook. Take a read back about what you are currently dealing with and each one of those matters on their own are daunting, let alone when you're dealing with issues already which are a result of treatment. Thank goodness you have come on here to get a bit of support because we do understand and it doesn't mean you are weak, and it doesn't mean you're not coping. It just means that you wish you didn't have to deal with this CRAP!!! You may think that you are hiding not coping but I think you are actually hiding your inner strength and not acknowledging it yourself. Everyone else sees it. The fact that you are saying you know it will get better - That is strength! Looking to when it gets better, awesome. Big hugs lovely. Xx Cath

Feeling Over Whelmed | BCNA Online Network

16 Replies

Michelle_W
Member
9 years ago
Oh Ladies!

Thank you so much for all your support and words of wisdom it really has helped.

Today is better than yesterday. I guess I am really scared that depression might raise its ugly head, I did have a bout of it 12 months into treatment ( in 10 months there was the loss of a newborn grandson, then husband decided to leave, then
breast cancer) life became really tough and I didn't want to be here and I certainly don't want to go back there.

On a positive I am back walking 5 km each morning lovely time of day. Keeping busy by doing some sewing for the Lactation Consultant at the Mater Mothers Hospital. Trying to give back to the community for all the help and caring that I have been given.

So thank you ladies, you have all made my day brighter, less daunting and that it does get better and a reminder that I am not alone.

Love

Michelle
socoda
Member
9 years ago
Oh Michelle, just because you're fed up and have had enough doesn't mean you are a sook. Take a read back about what you are currently dealing with and each one of those matters on their own are daunting, let alone when you're dealing with issues already which are a result of treatment. Thank goodness you have come on here to get a bit of support because we do understand and it doesn't mean you are weak, and it doesn't mean you're not coping. It just means that you wish you didn't have to deal with this CRAP!!! You may think that you are hiding not coping but I think you are actually hiding your inner strength and not acknowledging it yourself. Everyone else sees it. The fact that you are saying you know it will get better - That is strength! Looking to when it gets better, awesome. Big hugs lovely. Xx Cath
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
I had all removable plumbing hauled out just before Christmas, a couple of weeks before I started chemo. I was that close to menopausal that I figured the final step (watch that one, it's a doozy) shouldn't be such a big deal. Right...
I think everyone in close contact with me would be pretty OK with me doing tears and I already feel like crap from the chemo. It's the sudden transformation from a sort of saggy old Labrador type Marg to a raging 'Get the f*** out of my way. What is the matter with you?' Cujo type animal that we can all do without. Man, am I savage. Then I feel guilty as all hell. A bit of consistency would be nice, but I can't unring the bell and restore the little dribble of hormones that were, obviously, still doing me some good. Unfortunately they were feeding my cancer, that wasn't so great.
Maybe I need to develop some 'safe' words so my nearest and dearest have a warning ( and permission) to run for the hills and a mechanism to tell me that I'm being a nightmare without me turning them to ashes, salt, whateva, when I'm turning feral.
That dude in Safeway car park this afternoon though, the one who randomly cut in front of me... Stuff him. There's times when being a sweaty deranged bald woman is sort of advantageous. 'Do you find people yell stuff at you, Mate? Like "Get off your phone? And use your @^%$# indicators? And what am I the &*&&$@# invisible woman". Huh?' ***Random Dude still standing in car park with mouth hanging open, looking like pillar of salt***
SoldierCrab
Member
9 years ago
@Michelle W
what a rough roller coaster you are on girl...
I know that my emotions were all over the place after my Bilateral Salpingo - Oophorectomy and Hysterectomy back in 2004 this was prior to my Cancer Diagnosis in 2012. Be gentle on yourself...

You have a right to want it to end.
I would suggest trying to do some relaxation meditation to help as you sure have a lot going on...
I am four years out from diagnosis and I have good and bad days....
hopefully the payroll gets sorted quickly for you as you sure dont need an extra stressors.

I hope that next week you have a good consultation and know the plan ahead and that you can settle into the plan and that it goes as smooth as it can for you ..

Hugs and energy
Alice xoxox
Afraser
Member
9 years ago
Best wishes for your appointments next week. It does sound like a lot at once, it's hard to avoid, and you will be relieved to get it over but stressful nevertheless. There is no law that says protracted side effects are easier to deal with!! Getting through one thing well doesn't mean you breeze through the next, and it's very reasonable to expect some respite after 4 years. So don't make things harder for yourself by thinking that you are failing, you are doing remarkably well under the circumstances. Thank you jjshep for a good reminder of what matters to us all - 30 years! Here's hoping next week is good news and you can give yourself a well deserved pat on the back.
jjshep
Member
9 years ago
It's good to be able to talk to someone that's been there. Others try to understand but they can't really. You aren't been a sook, you have been through so much and the added stress of your work and pay wouldn't help that's for sure. Don't be hard on yourself, if you need to cry, cry. I hope things improve for you. I am a 30 year survivor

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