I've recently confronted some bad behaviour from a so-called friend and my way of processing it is to write.I'd like some feedback if you feel able.https://medium.com/@jecmap/no-you-dont-get-to-use-my-cancer-to-excuse-your-bad-behaviour-7de5766b66e8

Eastmum said: 'I have no idea how to help you or what to say. Please tell me what my role is in your journey and how I can best support you' - I LOVE this honesty... I can even handle brutal honesty: "I have so much shit going on in my life I can't be there to support you, but I love you!"

The user and all related content has been deleted.

.....My best friend of 20 odd years said that another one of our acquaintances had asked her what she was going to say to me. She responded with a confused look and said "I'm going to go see her, with wine, as usual. We'll drink, then we'll cry about it, then we'll laugh, she hasn't grown another head you know." Love that girl.The good ones always come through.......My best friend of 55 years is just like your friend, @kezmusc .... we'll be catching up again next weekend - they live on a drought ridden farm in the bush but will be moving closer to me in a month or two - I can't wait! Last time we met up, prior to surgery,we cried on each other's shoulders & she brought a tiny book called 'friends' that I had given her way back in 1968 .... and I have it on my mantlepiece - until the end of my treatment .... then she gets it back.It is funny how some people just can't 'cope' with you being 'ill'! It's not as if it is catchy or anything ..... most of us know someone with cancer - it is not 'rare' anymore .... I reckon most of US probably have a family member or close friend who've had the Big C (not necessarily BC.) One of my hubby's friends virtually cut him off without a word when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer in 2010 (and still going strong!) - and hubby had comforted & supported him when his son was tragically killed in a cycling accident some years prior ..... it was just SO unexpected! :( I have kept a copy of @Jax1964 as I think it has been brilliantly well written!!! xx

I think it’s great - could almost email it to some people but due to their selfishness wouldn’t get the point!

Well written, honest and could easily relate to many points you made in this letter. You have a way with words @Jax1964

Writing therapy | BCNA Online Network

arpie
Member
7 years ago
.....My best friend of 20 odd years said that another one of our acquaintances had asked her what she was going to say to me. She responded with a confused look and said "I'm going to go see her, with wine, as usual. We'll drink, then we'll cry about it, then we'll laugh, she hasn't grown another head you know." Love that girl.
The good ones always come through.......

My best friend of 55 years is just like your friend, @kezmusc .... we'll be catching up again next weekend - they live on a drought ridden farm in the bush but will be moving closer to me in a month or two - I can't wait! Last time we met up, prior to surgery,we cried on each other's shoulders & she brought a tiny book called 'friends' that I had given her way back in 1968 .... and I have it on my mantlepiece - until the end of my treatment .... then she gets it back.

It is funny how some people just can't 'cope' with you being 'ill'! It's not as if it is catchy or anything ..... most of us know someone with cancer - it is not 'rare' anymore .... I reckon most of US probably have a family member or close friend who've had the Big C (not necessarily BC.)

One of my hubby's friends virtually cut him off without a word when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer in 2010 (and still going strong!) - and hubby had comforted & supported him when his son was tragically killed in a cycling accident some years prior ..... it was just SO unexpected! :(

I have kept a copy of @Jax1964 as I think it has been brilliantly well written!!! xx
Anonymous
7 years ago
The user and all related content has been deleted.
kezmusc
Member
7 years ago
Sounds great. Very well written. Some people get scared as they really don't know what to say or do so they avoid you and some people are just rude and ignorant. Some send nice messages never to be seen again.

My best friend of 20 odd years said that another one of our acquaintances had asked her what she was going to say to me. She responded with a confused look and said "I'm going to go see her, with wine, as usual. We'll drink, then we'll cry about it, then we'll laugh, she hasn't grown another head you know." Love that girl.
The good ones always come through.
Jax1964
Member
7 years ago

Eastmum said:

'I have no idea how to help you or what to say. Please tell me what my role is in your journey and how I can best support you' -

I LOVE this honesty... I can even handle brutal honesty: "I have so much shit going on in my life I can't be there to support you, but I love you!"
Eastmum
Member
7 years ago
Hi @Jax1964 - I write for a living and I think you've done a fabulous job in describing exactly what you feel.

I particularly related to this bit: The first lesson when you get cancer — you have to learn to deal with other people’s inability to deal with it!

Oh yeah baby! There's a whole range of things I could write about that one!

What I think has stopped me in my tracks from lashing out at people along that way though, is that I honestly believe that (apart from a few truly revolting individuals) the majority of people out there genuinely feel that they are doing the right thing, and genuinely come from a place of good intent.

Whether or not they put their foot in their mouths, totally fuck it up, upset us, leave us incredulous etc - in their minds, they're doing the right thing.

I've had a few really close friends call me up and lay it on the line saying 'I have no idea how to help you or what to say. Please tell me what my role is in your journey and how I can best support you' - and as honest as this is, I've been a bit taken a back wondering why I have to explain it to them - and then I think - yeah, OK maybe I've been giving out mixed messages. So I guess it's really a bit of a learning curve for everyone and sometimes people don't know you want to be invited out for a night out unless you tell them you're up for it, or maybe they say the wrong thing only because they feel the need to say something but they're clueless about what to say.

And then again, there are plenty of those people that just really don't get it - don't waste your time worrying about them - they never will

x:smile:

xxxxx
RachelG
Member
7 years ago
Well written, honest and could easily relate to many points you made in this letter. You have a way with words @Jax1964
Jax1964
Member
7 years ago

tigerbeth said:

Haven't seen her since my diagnosis !!!

Quite a few people on Facebook have unfriended me... it's like the trash took itself out :-)
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
@tigerbeth The lack of self-awareness is staggering!
tigerbeth
Member
7 years ago
Good one Jax1964 I could almost copy & paste this its so good !
But fear its a waste of time for who it would be directed at !!:D
At the end of a message she sent me the other day were the words "always here for you' !!

Really !!!!!! Haven't seen her since my diagnosis !!!
Jax1964
Member
7 years ago

arpie said:

Will you actually make sure she 'gets it'?? ;)

Yes she will see it. She probably won't "get it" though. :D