@sister @iserbrown @Locksley
thank you so much ladies ♥️♥️. He was a shit, and I’m glad I found that out early on in the relationship, albeit it had to be cos of ca, but nevertheless didn’t waste more time on him. And yes, my current partner is absolutely wonderful. The total opposite. But I only found him after I truly decided, felt and believed that I deserve the best 🥰.
@Nix thank you, I felt like slapping him too 😆. And I’m completely over him, I have been since then, but my anger remains because of myself, not him. It’s because I allowed that treatment from him, and didn’t say anything while it was happening. I did tell him off when I broke it off, but I feel it wasn’t enough. There’s still things I’d like to tell him that I didn’t then, when I was putting aside my own beliefs just to keep the peace with him. I might write him a letter. Just for myself, to prove to myself I am always on my side, and will not be trampled on for anybody anymore.
Anyway, I’m really sorry because I didn’t want to ambush your post. My aim wasn’t to get sympathy or steal attention, but to describe it in a way that would be understood and hopefully help you and others. I wanted to show I didn’t just give up on the relationship at the first sign of trouble. And he had a close friend who had just had surgery for recurring cancer and was pretty much terminal, so I thought that’s maybe why he couldn’t support me. I thought I won’t make a big deal about it because he was already going through so much with his friend. I even apologised to him after my specialist app for the hassle of my diagnosis 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️.
Basically, I wanted to tell him he didn’t need to stay with me if he felt he couldn’t. But I was too scared to say it in case he actually didn’t. But then as I said, I got angry bc I didn’t choose ca. And I shouldn’t be the one apologising! And he was the branch manager of an engineering company, so with all his ‘people skills’ I’m sure he would’ve been able to tell me if he couldn’t be there for me!! Well that was my reasoning. Apparently he wasn’t able to, and for all his academic intelligence, it appears he had zero emotional intelligence. And I also thought that having a friend going through it wasn’t enough reason to not support me too. It’s not like he had to do the surgery himself. If he could support his friend, he could support me, the woman he thought might bear his children one day!
Life throws things our way, we can’t ignore one important thing because of another, it doesn’t work that way. So, I’m not here to give relationship advice either. I don’t know you or your partner very well, and I’m def not a relationship specialist. I just wanted to emphasise one thing: what is important to YOU in a partner?
We can all share our stories, but you’ll see that different people tolerate different things. Our demands are not always the same. It’s about you and your values. For me, I decided that I couldn’t be with someone who would ignore me through my toughest time. What would happen later, when I was pregnant for example? Would he have ignored me then too, and come up with excuses for it? And how long are you prepared to wait for your partner to come around and be able to help you deal with difficult situations? A week? 2 months? What happens in that time while you’re waiting?
And what does your partner expect of you during difficult times? Are you always there from the get-go, or do you need time too, to come to terms with things? If you’re the kind of person who gives a lot, can you be happy knowing your partner might not be your equal in that way? These are things I guess you need to answer for yourself, and decide what’s right for you. Because as I said, I can’t tell you what to do, and neither can anyone else. Also, after nearly a year, you should each know how the other deals with stress. If not, maybe this is your indication. And I know we think women tend to be more sensitive, but I honestly think it’s up to the individual. I know heaps of men who are much more sensitive than my female friends. I understand your disappointment though.
Most importantly, please try and focus on yourself. I know how you feel, I went through the same thing, and it’s soooo hard to be let down now, with this going on. So hard. But you are your priority, and always should be. So put her aside, get support from a good friend or family, and concentrate on getting yourself through this, whatever the results are tomorrow. You’re strong and you can do it ♥️♥️.
