Forum Discussion
Healthy Mind & Feeling Good But Why?
I've been told all mixed news this week and await further tests. I don't want to find out. Only had a couple of negative biopsies yet I've never felt fitter. I'm strong, Ride my horse nearly every second day, go to work then home to grown family & husband. They are great. But as I sit up late because I can't sleep as to be reminded of what's ahead. I'm angry and developing attitude as never had before. Always happy. Just had a few bourbons with a friend and got off the subject completely. Punched the wall in the specialists washroom once I heard of 4cm tumour from the sentinel biopsy (1 out of 4 removed that was infected with it). Specialist wants to remove all my lymph nodes. All I can think of is lympodema. Talking about chemo and radiation first for 6 months then see before any surgery. My left ovary, don't even know if it is, seems a dull pain. But been off and on for over a year. Could be stress. Pet scan tomorrow. Don't want to know. But friends say then you'll have a clear plan to sort it all out for good. I feel like 'Red man going down'.
Need inspiration!
Need inspiration!
23 Replies
- Twiggy, i had a full nodal clearance on left arm over 17 years ago and I've never had a lymphedma problem...i stayed active and exercised and predominantly did weight bearing excercise and swimming, made sure i had full use and reach with arm...be guided by your health team and take each treatment as it comes...stay strong!
- Thank you all so very much. Today was better. Had pet scan and while it was happening I closed my eyes the whole 18 minutes. I rehearsed 3 equestrian dressage tests in my mind that I used to ride in competition. Each take 6 mins. I tried to picture myself and my buckskin horse Lucky riding up the centre line to salute the judge. Next thing a voice over a speaker said, "We're done you can get up now!" So this afternoon with all the nuclear juice I got hold of my cowboy trainer and got back on my horse Lucky. I had my right hand holding my sore boob from the biopsy last week and held the reins in the left. I asked my trainer to help me get Lucky super soft and easy for me to ride today and manage if I get weak later. And sure enough, Lucky kindly helped me out! This is my distraction. Everything goes away during these times :) xxx
- Yes scrubbing was my thing. Bloody hell l thought if lm gonna die at least my house will be clean.lol now thsts nesrly 5 years ago. You kick that cancer in the bum.use the time to do a bit of cooking in the freezer was great for the family. I even did muffins scones and someone could always pull them out. All the best adean
I remember thinking that the only time I had ever spent in a hospital was when I had my daughter, so how come I now have a therapist, oncologist, surgeon and a cardiologist???? Anger is perfectly understandable but it's not a long term solution (short term, go for it!!). Best not to anticipate - it may never happen. I got myself half convinced I had inflammatory breast cancer by Googling (dumb move!) and of course I didn't. I did get lymphoedema, and no, it's not the end of the world - I do all the things I used to do, and managing it does not take up a lot of time. None of us think anything can happen to us, particularly if we are healthy and active, and then it does and it's a bummer. We are having unpleasant treatment when we feel PERFECTLY WELL!
I read something of Jane Caro's a long time ago- she met with a grief counsellor when her baby was seriously ill, and he said, very gently "Terrible things can happen, they can happen to anyone. Danger is a reality, safety is an illusion". As Jane said, as she gave up trying to control what happened and just accepted the reality of it, her anxiety fell away. It's a brutal lesson. But It's not a bad one. If we could seriously NOT accept the reality, that's what we might all be doing. Ultimately, we just have to. And then it honestly does get better. Strength and hope and determination kicks in, and doesn't leave too much room for anger. You sound a pretty determined person to me, so use your energy to get back to PERFECTLY WELL, not angry. Very best wishes.
- The beginning is always so hard. The fears and unknowns. I can remember getting my CT scan results and bone scan results and just being ecstatic that it was probably only in my breast. So it's looking at the good things in place so far.
-you have a current treatment plan and just need the PET scan for your baseline.
-1 node in 4 taken had cancer. ..but woohoo only one.
-you are healthy and because of this you are in a good position to tolerate chemo.
I wish you all the best on your treatment and hope to see more posts from you with how things are going. Kath x - https://itun.es/au/_4VSt this is Petrea King relaxation that I use.
this is another https//itunes.apple.com/au/album/letting-go/id1197050907 - How are you going today @Twiggyjumps
- Thanks guys. Love you
- You need a little faith Twiggy, they aren't called specialists for nothing. You will have a whole team of them figuring out the best outcome for you. If it takes a little longer for you and they to agree, fair enough. Do you have a breast care nurse yet? She can be a good sounding board for you too.
Don't worry around things down the track which might or might not even happen like lymphedema. I had the exact same pain in the left ovary pre cancer but scans and ultrasound didn't pick up anything and after chemo for the breast the lower pain seems to have gone. Stuff like that is always in the back of any woman's mind but you just need to settle and worry about it when and if it ever happens.
Jealous you get to do horse riding. I used to love it but gave it all away when I had my family. Enjoy. <3 - I scrubbed the house top to bottom while I waited for surgery cooked up a storm and froze meals etc gave my garden a thorough going over ready for summer....
