Forum Discussion
Janet_A
8 years agoMember
Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?"
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
141 Replies
- arpieMemberYep!! I googled my user name with 'cancer' after it & it took me straight to my 'story' here!!
So just be aware, that if anyone else knows your user name - others 'could' so some googling & find your stuff here. xx
If they can be bothered reading thru ALL your posts to see if you've mentioned them 'in bad light' .... they deserve to know! LOL - ZoffielMemberYes, anyone can google and read everything posted in the public forum. There are 8 'guests' present on the site as I type. The only way to keep a conversation private is to PM someone or to have a closed group that is only visible to it's members.
- Janet_AMemberThat can't happen on this forum can it?
- arpieMemberPrivate would make more sense - a lot of personal stuff that shouldn't be available to the general public via google. Anyone wanting to add a comment would just have to join .......
- Janet_AMemberHi Anne,
Yes I have heard from Marianne and they are willing to create a forum. I hope to speak to them as I have volunteered to be a moderator. Are you preferring a private group? I guess I am looking for numbers for and against either a private or a forum where one would have to meet certain criteria to enter? or wade in any discussion?
Looking forward to some comments..... - BlackWidowMemberHi @"Janet A", have you had any further discussion with the BCNA people re a private group for childless ladies ? Anne
- Janet_AMemberStatistically, breast cancer affects 1 in 8 women. I found this interesting that 1 in 8 women are childless by choice, circumstance.
After a discussion with one of our breast care nurses on Friday, awareness of this statistic was discussed. It is heartwarming to see change happening, childlessness being included in the narrative of breast cancer and hearing a certain sensitivity toward childless women when invited to support groups. - Janet_AMember
Love what you wrote here @arpie its a 'track' we take isn't it. I have vit B12 every fortnight. 10 years of menopause, wow.arpie said:@Giovanna_BCNA @Sister @AllyJay @"Janet A" @annsan @kmakm
And it is Letrozole for me!! Surprising .... as only Tamoxifen had been mentioned up til now. I'll be reading up on Letrozole now instead of Tamoxifen! This one compares the two ....... being 65 in a week or so - and VERY post menopausal .... (with 10 years of really SHIT menopause symptoms finally finishing 10 years ago - I started at 45 .....) it will be very interesting to see how I go with the hot flushes & other symptoms specifically raised with the Letrozole ...
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa052258
I had my bloods done end of last week - and my Vit D & everything else is pretty good, but my cholesterol wasn't 'terrific' - so I need to go back onto statins again (I'd taken myself off if during radiation ... so now have to go back onto it! :( Not THAT happy as I didn't like the 'memory defects' the statins gave me - but accept that it will be better for me long term to be back on it, given how the AIs may affect me! :( )
I'll be having a bone density test done over the next 6 weeks before my next Onc visit ......
Interesting that you mention Vit B12, @"Janet A" - as mine was rather low last year & I am now on 3 monthly injections. My other half is also on it, as he can't 'make it' any more after the removal of most of his stomach in 2010 from stomach cancer .... so we are Vit B12 twins now! Hopefully one day, we'll be able to co-ordinate our injections! So far .... they are different dates!
Many thanks for your interest in my 'journey' ... not that I really 'like' that term ...... but I also don't like 'battle' that much either!! What a ditherer!!! LOL
I had symptoms at 31, went on a bit of hrt with estrogen, can't have that now.....hot flushes in the tropics brings on a whole new meaning! Let me tell you! Some days I am sure my face is just going to pop off my head. I have to be mindful of keeping out of the heat in the hottest part of the day, that means 11 am till dark lol, on the worst build up days. Drink more water than a small island nation to keep hydrated to keep other symptoms at bay. Life's a challenge but we are here right! - Janet_AMemberCheers Anne, after thinking about it, best to go private as you say. The whole reason for starting this post was to seek support from others in my position. Thanks for your input.
I have heard from a mediator who suggested a public forum as a sense of education for others?
It does highlight the troubles we childless women have with the lack of support available to us and how difficult it is to go public about these sensitive stories and feelings. - BlackWidowMemberHello @"Janet A" My friend and I have been reading your responses today. We agree that a private group is the way to go. Those with offspring may throw their pennies worth in or get on their high horse but they do not know our specific issues when it comes to support etc. (as much as they think they do). As my friend said, she would not be adding her totally honest tuppence worth in an open forum. We need the emotional support of others in the same situation and perhaps ideas of physical support when alone (my husband has flown off with the angels) as neither of us had any extended family. Yes, some ladies may not have supportive kids but maybe they have a partner or they have some supportive kids or siblings etc. Good luck with whatever way you go with this and thank you for raising the issue. Hopefully BCNA will start a private group for us childless ladies. Anne