Forum Discussion
Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?"
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
141 Replies
- Go for it Janet. Start a blog. Take it slow, seek IT support here, surely someone has the knowledge. If not them, then surely their kid! I know several women here mention their blogs from time to time.
Have a look at blogs you like and identify the qualities that appeal. Don't launch until you're ready and see how you go.
You might like to talk to @traveltext. He's forged ahead with advocacy for his breast cancer 'subset'. He may have some advice for you.
Let your passion fuel you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! :) - Yes, @annsan I also stopped when it said to pay up, I don't believe in that either. Jody has a facebook page but plugs away at selling conferences etc, another I am a member of is called something a rather I can't remember, but a lot of complaining and little positive solutions offered on there.
i have been thinking of starting a blog but wondered how it would go. This bc thing certainly smashes your self confidence and I have little or no support where I am, was seeing a psychologist through the cancer council but they had cut backs so that has been withdrawn. I called my breast care nurse about if she had known any other women like me in the community and if she knew the statistics on the link between childlessness and bc, she got a little hostile over the query which really had me confused because normally she is so fantastic with everything...I am reluctant to call her back to see if there are other places. I feel like its a round round rosey in trying to find support or someone to talk with, drives me a little nutty some days. My dogs do a great job in listening! They all think I am doing a woes to me but I'm not! If I can get some support then I can offer it to someone else who is in the same boat as me as I like to help others, I volunteer at Breastscreen on call back days, mostly I have the women in stitches instead of tension of waiting for each test during the afternoon. - @Sister I think you might be right there, an opportunity to profit perhaps?
- You could always do you own facebook group and I'm sure there's other tech ways for the same thing. (Personally, it sounds like this Jody bird has worked out a great way to make some money)
@Jantet A Thank you for posting the link to this very interesting article. I followed the steps (including loading a dodgy photo of myself) to create a group of childless women in Brisbane. I named it "Breast cancer and childless". After following the required steps, it asked me for money n USD. Whilst I enjoyed reading the article about Jody Day and the fact that she too is childless (as far as I know she does not have BC) and is getting world recognition for her circumstance, I was a little thrown about having to give money. I realise that virtually nothing (except this forum) is free. To the best of my knowledge, I was signing up to be part of a group of women world wide that are childless for whatever reason. I liked the idea of starting a group in my own city but I draw the line at financial contributions. Apart from the fact that I am not in a position to contribute (on chemo unable to work) I don't think it is appropriate when all I was trying to do was meet up with people in the same situation as myself. Having said that, there are some very interesting and well written articles there. I am curious if anyone else followed the link and if so what did they think of it? Regards AnnJanet A said:This might be an interesting read for some.....
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/02/the-desire-to-have-a-child-never-goes-away-how-the-involuntarily-childless-are-forming-a-new-movement ;- Janet A said:I support poking my finger at the norm to raise awareness that we are all different and we do matter even though we may be in the minority.
So do I, @Janet A you have broken new ground here and that is a wonderful thing for all of us. You deserve to fly the banner :D Time for us to stand up and be counted perhaps?Zoffiel said:@AllyJay you have nailed it.
I think BCNA has done a decent job of setting up groups. Several dont have much going on. We can set up PM threads to connect with those we identify with. Over all, public conversations, like this one, do a bloody good job of raising awareness and making us all think about the diversity of people affected by the disease. Marg
Well said, @Zoffiel. Already we have 6 pages of women contributing to this topic because they have/had breast cancer and don't have children. So, I would like to think that in a small way we are already achieving something. If just one person here has felt some connection to another or can relate to a comment spoken, then already we are gaining strength and helping each other. I know that I felt as if I "belonged" to something the moment I read the heading "Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless". Regards, Ann - Very good point @Zoffiel, I didn't realise by posting a question that these issues would be raised as well.
This highlights how isolated we feel if we deviate from the 'track' of so called normality of society. I support poking my finger at the norm to raise awareness that we are all different and we do matter even though we may be in the minority. - @AllyJay you have nailed it.
Private groups do provide opportunities for members to drop the avatars with the knowledge that only those in the group can see the post. I think we sometimes forget that anyone anywhere in the world can come n here as a guest and view our discussions.
I think BCNA has done a decent job of setting up groups. Several dont have much going on. We can set up PM threads to connect with those we identify with. Over all, public conversations, like this one, do a bloody good job of raising awareness and making us all think about the diversity of people affected by the disease. Marg - @Giovanna_BCNA @Sister @AllyJay @"Janet A" @annsan @kmakm
And it is Letrozole for me!! Surprising .... as only Tamoxifen had been mentioned up til now. I'll be reading up on Letrozole now instead of Tamoxifen! This one compares the two ....... being 65 in a week or so - and VERY post menopausal .... (with 10 years of really SHIT menopause symptoms finally finishing 10 years ago - I started at 45 .....) it will be very interesting to see how I go with the hot flushes & other symptoms specifically raised with the Letrozole ...
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa052258
I had my bloods done end of last week - and my Vit D & everything else is pretty good, but my cholesterol wasn't 'terrific' - so I need to go back onto statins again (I'd taken myself off if during radiation ... so now have to go back onto it! :( Not THAT happy as I didn't like the 'memory defects' the statins gave me - but accept that it will be better for me long term to be back on it, given how the AIs may affect me! :( )
I'll be having a bone density test done over the next 6 weeks before my next Onc visit ......
Interesting that you mention Vit B12, @"Janet A" - as mine was rather low last year & I am now on 3 monthly injections. My other half is also on it, as he can't 'make it' any more after the removal of most of his stomach in 2010 from stomach cancer .... so we are Vit B12 twins now! Hopefully one day, we'll be able to co-ordinate our injections! So far .... they are different dates!
Many thanks for your interest in my 'journey' ... not that I really 'like' that term ...... but I also don't like 'battle' that much either!! What a ditherer!!! LOL - Hi @bronmeg1 this discussion really has opened a can of 'worms' in instances. It has opened a discussion nonetheless which I think is a good thing. The descriptions of your family members do blow my thoughts out of the water, doesn't it?
My gynae said if HRT gave you cancer everyone who took would have it, a true statement I guess.
Thank you for sharing your story xx
