Diagnosed 2 weeks today & need help with mindset please

I too have trouble with this whole mindset. I think it takes time to get a grip. My guess is you are normally a very organised person in control of most things and now whack in the face. Fix this! Well that was me and not being able to fix this has done my head over and over. Also a mum with 3 little girls, 44 years old always lived a healthy life and now a voice telling me its all over. I THINK Im starting to get a grip. I was diagnosed on 29th May and operated on 2 days later and swept into the whole chemo world of uncertainty. Now Ive finished Chemo and weighing up radiotherapy or bilateral mastectomy.  Thinking the big chop of both boobs will give be better chances overall. When tge big black voices inside my head are being nasty I say to them now this is not a helpful thought so go away. I find this is helping me. They are popping up less as timr goes on. Be kind to yourself and dont feel you have to be strong. (Like I did). Ive cried every day since diagnosis and my surgeon and Onc all say you are not coping well and you have taken this worst than most. Well really, Im not sure how a mum of 3 who is needed so very much is supposed to take it. There is no right or wrong way, its your way so you cope with what ever way you can. The support groups are great but at first its all info overload and a whirl wind of what ifs, buts and hows. Take one step at a time hun and get through one treatment at a time. My girls are 5,6 and 8 and I refuse to tell them about whats happened to me as they do not need to have the worry. Not sure how Im going to explain the chop yet. Thinking of you and we are all hear to chat in your darkest moments. Xxx

Tnbc gets a bad rap and often saying  "poor prognosis" is bandied around Google and health professionals alike. Why? Because at this point in time there  isn't targeted therapy. ..yet...but clinical trials are on the way. Targeted therapy isn't 1st line treatment though...it's the chemo that is. The good thing with a grade 3 cancer usually means chemo really does it's magic as the cells are different and dividing quickly. 

Once you see your oncologist and have all results he can use a tool called PREDICT which will give you statistics on your type of cancer with your treatment decisions. Your tumour size is the big thing needed for the tool and nodes and the Ki67 (which is its dividing rate)

We can't tell though who is going to be in the (average ) 90% cancer free at 5 years and who will be in the 10 %.  It's a lotto it seems at times. All we can do is give it our best shot at eradicating it. Then fight hard to reclaim a life you can enjoy again, whether that be 5, 10, 30 years. 

Cry if you need. Rest when tired. You have a long road ahead but we've got your back.  Kath x

Being scared is normal. I think it would be strange if you weren't. Just do what you have to do to get through each day. For now I wouldn't plan too far ahead as Chemo can be unpredictable. But then one day you'll reach a turning point when you decide to start planning and your life and thoughts change for the better.  Jen.

Hi Tracy, I'm new here too, diagnosed earlier this month with grade 3 triple negative tumour. I am a 43yo mum of 2. Have since had lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy and all were clear. I'm confused by the info your GP gave you as I have had only very positive information from all of my doctors. Of course my details may be different to yours but my oncologists' words were to embrace the fact that to all intents and purposes, after the surgery I am cancer free and now have chemo and radiation to look forward to, to make sure there's no more we don't know about and that it doesn't come back. It makes me calmer to think of it that way, that it's all just an insurance policy that I might not even need to use in the future. I have not been advised to consider a mastectomy at this stage after clear lump removal, and that if I did have one that would remove the need for radiation. It seems odd that you would need radiation following a double mastectomy. There is such a barrage of information out there and I think it would be worth finding someone else to discuss your future planning with until you arrive a something that makes you feel more in control. Knowledge is power, as is the support of people going through the same thing. Good luck.

@AliB It really depends on many things, we all have similar diagnosis but there is such a variance within it, like some have a small lump or tumor, others can have multi focal throughout the breast, so many scenarios. Not unusual to have radiation after mastectomy, again really depends on the individual pathology. Whilst you both have the same Grade 3 you may have a different stage, that also impacts. I've known women who have had radiation after Mastectomy and then also some that haven't. You are right in that you have to have confidence in your Specialists. Theyve come along way with treatment and with Triple Negative. 

I had DCIS only in 2011 and was treated aggressively with radiation and lumpectomy, clear margins, not a trace and 4yrs of Tamoxifen. So in their eyes my medical team, I did everything possible and yet I had a recurrence in the scar tissue of my lumpectomy 4yrs earlier. Insane?? they cannot explain it. So 2015 another lumpectomy, clear margins, clear nodes, clear bone scan and body scan. Stage 2 Grade 3 aggressive at a yearly checkup. Genetic Testing negative. Told to throw Tamoxifen in the bin, did 5 months of chemo put on Arimidex and 1yr after that they all said to have a mastectomy eventhough I was clear at lumpectomy, because I had a recurrence and they just didnt want to risk it. So I had a single mastectomy/diep flap recon in feb...pathology was clear on that breast. Its super super hard but faith in your Team is so important. I too though look at it now and say I am 2yrs clear from that surgery..do I have faith in the aromatase inhibitor?? not really not after Tamoxifen not working. 

Hugs Melinda x

Hi Tracy, I'm also TN diagnosed Aug 2015.  As you will already realise the ladies on this site are amazing. Angels, I think. They have covered everything so not much else for me to say ....  for now. I would like to share my road to recovery but that can wait for now. Please keep posting and keeping us up to date. Be gentle with yourself.

It's so true. So many variables that determines treatment.  Melinda you have been through the works and here's hoping the Arimidex is doing it's work.
Take care xx

@iserbrown I was pulled from Arimidex too many side effects and now on Aromasin LOL, ohh its similar but I really think its just time in recovery that your body settles down. Like @Zoffiel Im ready to walk too...would soo love to not see Specialists from hereon, so best I can hope is stretch out to yearly. x

Oh crumbs here's hoping the meds work. Goodness there is so much to this......it just keeps giving. A little rattled at present over the shock passing of Fiona Richardson MP and another local lady. All at varying stages of breast cancer. That is 4 now that in recent weeks lost the battle.  Oh doesn't it rot the socks. Here's hoping we are all in control and on our way to longevity. 

Take care sending a virtual hug xx

Oh Christine I'm so sorry! that's 4 too many! I 2nd that! to longevity and finding happiness in the simplest of things xx