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Bearteggie's avatar
Bearteggie
Member
12 years ago

What now?

Well I have now completed all my treatments: six cycles of chemo and 25 rounds of radiotherapy.  When I finished chemo I was so excited and happy and thought I would feel the same when I finished radiotherapy 5 days ago.  I am not so happy. 

I saw my oncologist yesterday and they don't need to see me for another three months.  I feel like I was abruptly thrown into this situation and now just as abruptly spat out the other side.  Treatments all over and now I am supposed to get back on with life. 

The rational side of me says life will get back bit by bit to a new normal but when I start to think of making plans or dreaming of what I would like to do in the future, I have noticed that I stop myself and go back to the fear that the cancer will return.  It is as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is this how everyone feels following treatment?  I don't want to rush off to a psychologist just yet if this is normal and that my confidence is likely to improve once  I get my physical strength back and have healed up following radiotherapy.

I guess during treatment we are so busy managing side effects and seeing our team on a regular basis that to now not have any appointments for 3 months one feels a little insecure.

 

 

chemotherapy
radiotherapy

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  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I think what you are feeling is shared by a lot of us at the end of treatment. I find even now 7 months after I finished chemo and radiotherapy, that I have trouble looking too far into the future. It is very difficult to have confidence in your health when we have the threat of recurrence shadowing our every move. I feel almost superstitious about getting too carried away with feeling good again! Have you read Meg's post, Happy Anniversary Baby (positive3negative)? This post really helped me to feel better about what we go through and how it feels when you get to the end of treatment. She has a great way of looking at it and some of her ideas about looking for things to be grateful for and noticing the good things are a terrific way to help yourself feel more positive. I've noticed a difference in myself since reading it. Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to sort out all those feelings and find your new way of living, your new purpose to life. I was just so exhausted at the end of radio (I think our body is working so hard to try and repair the internal damage) it took me a good month to feel more positive. I found using this network the best therapy for me and it helps to feel you might make a difference to someone else's day. Keep in touch and let your body heal both physically and mentally. Take care. Deanne xxx