Forum Discussion
Scared & feeling down
Today I had my 3rd chemo (Docetaxel & Cyclophosphamide). I was on a high thinking after this I only have 1 more treatment to go. Everything went good but during my chemo treatment they were taking my bloods. I asked the nurse why and she told me that they needed to check my potassium level again because they were high. Am I suppost to be worried?
Anyway I got home after chemo and feeling very tired, eyes are heavy, and my legs feel stiff as if they are full of fluid. After this chemo I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt during my chemo treatments. So I'm thinking maybe the more treatments you have the worst you feel after each one. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Now I'm feeling so down, thinking negetive thought and wondering what this treatment is doing to my body. If I'm going to get a severe side effect which will effect me for life. I'm so scared of having a reoccurrence of breast cancer because I don't ever want to have chemo again. I'm trying to decide whether I should have a double masectomy with reconstruction straight away or if I could have it after chemo. I could go on and on all night with the questions I have. All I want to is my health back but
I feel that has been taken away from me.
I usually deal with things as they come. I'm just having a bad evening. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be in a better frame of mind and being my positve self again.
I do apologise in advance for my negetive thoughts but I need to vent, it just seems to help.
13 Replies
Big breath JohJoh. I had 4 doses of Docetaxel & Cyclophosphamide and yes it does get a bit more challlenging each time, but you just have one more to go! All you have to do now is keep your head straight!
I learnt to meditate at the Gawler Foundation www.gawler.org and can really recommend it, for keeping you sane. We just have to put the thoughts of recurring cancer in their own little compartment and in to the cupboard as they are not rational thoughts. We drive cars every day you have a much greater chance of dying in a car!
Keep your chin up and call that positive attitude back! Be well.
I am sorry you were so upset and scared after the nurses took your blood. You sound like me in that you need someone to tell you exactly why they were doing it and to reassure you that everything was going to be ok. Do you have cancer nurse you can call to talk with?
Chemo does get worse as you go along but once you are finished with it you will feel good again. I finished mine almost ten weeks ago now and have finished radiation 12 days ago. I can honestly say I find it difficult to remember how awful I felt after my chemo treatments. I had a three week break before starting radiation and by that third week I was feeling really good. Of course that was short lived because now I am recovering from radiation.
We can get through this and you are such a positive person so don't beat yourself up for having the odd day here and there where you fall apart. It is normal and to be expected.
Take care of yourself and ask lots of questions.
Big hugs
Joy xx
I am sorry you were so upset and scared after the nurses took your blood. You sound like me in that you need someone to tell you exactly why they were doing it and to reassure you that everything was going to be ok. Do you have cancer nurse you can call to talk with?
Chemo does get worse as you go along but once you are finished with it you will feel good again. I finished mine almost ten weeks ago now and have finished radiation 12 days ago. I can honestly say I find it difficult to remember how awful I felt after my chemo treatments. I had a three week break before starting radiation and by that third week I was feeling really good. Of course that was short lived because now I am recovering from radiation.
We can get through this and you are such a positive person so don't beat yourself up for having the odd day here and there where you fall apart. It is normal and to be expected.
Take care of yourself and ask lots of questions.
Big hugs
Joy xx
- I try to take one day at a time and not think ahead, I'm usually a positive person or talk myself into being positve. My breast cancer was caught early. I've had a lumpectomy in my right breast my tumor was 11mm, surrounding tissue was clear, and 1 sentinel node removed which was clear, so my oncologist decided that I have chemo as a safe guard just in case there were microscopic cancer cells that couldn't be detected and also because of the triple negetive cancer diagnoses. I also have to have 6 weeks of radiation after I finish chemo. As for deciding whether I should have a masectomy, I am getting my results for my genetic test next week and my breast surgeon said that if it came back positive he will recommend I have a double masectomy ( I hope I'm not positive for it). In this case I will definitely have it done. I still am thinking of having the masectomy even if I'm not positve mainly because 2 years ago I had a scare in my left breast. I know that if it does come back I'll regret not doing it. I'm hoping I will have my mind made up before I see the my breast surgeon next week after I get my results from genetic. Thank you for your reply. Big hugs xxx Johjoh
- Hi Johjoh, I got worse progressively as I went through AC. The third dose was the worst, I thought I would die. In my case it was liver toxicity, the drugs were just too much for my liver and it struggled to get them through. After about 12 hours the intense sickness and general hangover/food poisoning/flu feelings would start to ease. All I can say is water, water, water and juice as someone else suggested. Your liver and kidneys are taking a hammering so you need to support them with a really healthy diet and reduce any other toxins you can - your poor body has enough. So eat good food, I'd ecommend no alcohol, reduce coffee and let your organs do their filtering job. I also totally recommend going for a walk whenever you feel bad. I found the fresh cold air really helped and it might help sweat out more of those toxins too. The third dose for me was the worst. I asked them to reduce the 4th a little which they did and it wasn't as bad. After that I had carboplatin and taxol which was a breeze compared to AC. Hang in there, you're almost over the worst. Xx Denise
- Thank you all for your replys. I am feeling in a little bit better today, I went for a short walk and even baked choc chip cookies for my boys. It is amazing how I minute you can be so positive and the next so down. I was reading through the comments and had tears in my eyes not because I was sad, it was more that I was thinking how lucky I am for joining this group and having wonderful women giving me great advice and encouragement. Something I really needed at this time. Thank you again ?? Johjoh
Hi JohJoh,
If you have coped with both Docetaxel and Cyclophosphamide you are doing amazingly well!! These are nasty drugs and you have to allow your body time to recover after each dose. I had a diagnosis of TNBC last October, underwent a bilateral mastectomy with immediate recontruction with implants, then had the chemo. I had 3 rounds of FEC, was supposed to have 3 rounds of Docetaxel but was so sick after the first dose, that had to change to 6, weekly doses of Paclitaxel. I am now 3 months since my last dose and am starting to feel a bit stronger. I was so very healthy before I found the lump, that the onslaught of illness has been very hard to take, so I can empathise with the negativity and the grief over loss of your former self.
Take it as easy as you can while keeping up some semblance of normality so you don't feel completely derailed!! One step at a time and talk to the breast care nurse and your oncologist about your options.
You WILL come through this - time is your friend.
All the best,
Alison
Hi Johjoh.
It's not a journey any of us would choose except that life is so precious - although I know that is hard to remember when the body feels so sick. Like all bad things in life, when it is over, it is hard to remember how bad it was as suddenly the world is bright again. I struggled with my 3 weekly treatments too and seemed that every thing that could go wrong did. I had to stay in hospital after every treatment on a drip for 2-3 days. Staying in shared rooms I spent the nights talking, sharing and crying. I have learnt so much from these brave women so when you feel you have to vent what you feel and what your going through, don't hold back. We are all stronger for sharing.
warm regards, Corinna
- Hang in there jojo. It will get better. I went thru all the feelings you describe. I was most worried about the long term damage to my body. I found that champagne and potato chips, two things i love, cheered me up. Look for small things to make you happy in the now. Capetribber
