Is anyone else terrified of the scanners, the beam, the other thing that’s round? It’s been building for weeks. I can call it out right now. This is my first “phobia”. It’s not claustrophobia. Just looking at them terrifies me. And so does everything else - the powerlessness, it’s impersonal and cold, it’s poorly organised, the staff nothing special, not helpful and simply got a job to do, and seemcompletely unaware of how utterly horrible the machines look,how disempowered and vulnerable a persons may feel. I have endured this for all the presurgery scans of machines I don’t even know the name of. And then some staffer asks me to tell themwhat tests I’ve had. I don’t know! My wallet knows. I’ll ask my wallet. How bout I do that? WTF do you not have records of what is happening to me? Now the idea of my ugly fat self and my ugly fat disfigured boob popped out and exposed while lying on some fugly board attached to what looks like an instrument of death, in a fugly room while people stare at me, and doing it every day, yeah that’s more than I can do.I’ve read about shorter durations etc for radiation, but nobody has mentioned to me who gets this? Why not me? I am starting radiation therapy next week.Has anyone ever bailed on radiation? ie not complete it? Is there a way to make this less terrifying? I could give it a go but may quit. I don’t think I can do it. I wasnt scared or anxious when being told of the breast cancer diagnosis, or and wasn’t anything other than upbeat during the surgery. This machine scanner boobs out bullshit. Nup, nada, nope,That’s how I feel today.

Hi Temple I can relate to your post completely. I found some of the staff very off hand and the rad process freaked me out too. It is very intimidating your lying on a hard plastic "bed" with (in my case) both boobs exposed and a machine slowly moving around you making odd noises. I hated it. I decided that having breast cancer treatment was like having a baby no privacy and no dignity you just have to get on with it. The staff are of course just doing their job but when you are feeling so low and vulnerable it is hard to get past the shit stuff.But hang in there while it is shit you do get use to the routine and on my first day I told the staff that I was very nervous and apprehensive and they were very kind.Big hug to you. Keep busy. You will get through this!I hope all goes well for you next week.

Hi my dear sorry that the hebbies have got to you ..maybe Halloween to blame As others here will say You can do this ...generally the staff are very considerateIn July my 90 year old stoic mother managed to do five weeks of rads for skin cancer to nose .she looked awful by the last week but the staff and driver were amazingI was amazed by her inner strengthYep monster bland edifices of the ct machines are the part that I don't like it's a long road ahead as am metastic with slow progressionAlways keeping busyCyber HuggsBright in hope

If you need to direct your (suppressed) fear and general sense of unhappiness towards anything, a machine is not a bad target. It’s not going to get upset by your dislike or treat you differently because of it. It’s not judgmental, as you say it’s quite impersonal, and it’s not malicious. Sooner or later, we all need to take out our frustrations on something and recognise our fear. Hate the machines by all means if it helps but don’t confuse hating the machines with what staff can do with them. Machines are just instruments, how you use them is the critical bit. Radiation seems to me to be a very tough treatment but those who have gone through it have different stories. To a certain extent, it’s just one more tough treatment - like surgery or chemo. Fear is a natural reaction to the treatment we go through for cancer, and of having cancer in the first place, it’s not anything to be ashamed of and we have all been there. It’s hitting you now because it was almost bound to do so at some point. I am certain that some members of the network can provide helpful information to get you through the next stage, at least to give it a go and see how you feel then. But also think about some counselling, some independent professional advice about coping with all this unexpected stuff in your life. It can really help. Best wishes.

Hey @Temple I did answer some of your question on the other post. I found radiation the easiest (if that's a word you can use during this) I had next to none of the side effects you read about. My skin held up really well until about treatment 25. Even then it healed fast afterwards. The treatment is pretty quick. You normally spend more time in the wating are than acrually doing it. @May20019 is correct. Like having a baby. Leave your dignity at the door, and go somewhere else in your head. The tecnicians have seen it all before thousands of times. The best part about radiation is the big rope you can use to pull yourself up with at the end. :)xoxo

I work for a company that manufactures these machines and we endlessly talk about the patient experience. It’s something we all don’t understand unless we have been there. I asked my colleagues who sell, market and work clinically with these machines around the number of sessions and was strongly advised to take the lower dose with more sessions than the higher radiation and fewer sessions- it being safer overall. I was afraid starting radiotherapy. The big cold room, the cold breast plate I had to lay on, being left alone and not being able to move. I breathed through it. I spoke to the nurses. I wore crop top type bras I could pull down or singlet tops with a bra in them so I could regain my dignity quickly. I got to know the machine. How it moved, the colours, the marks on it, the sounds. The stickers on it they had for the kids, they calmed me as well. Each session after the first was very quick, in and out in 15min.Radiotherapy was not as scary as I imagined. Is there something that could help you with it? Taking along something, finding out more info, a song you can listen to, a ritual afterwards? I used to walk then have a good coffee afterwards. On the last day I swapped coffee for wine 😊. Be kind to yourself, you can do this x

Rise of the machines😩🤬🥴🤢

Sister
Member
6 years ago
It does seem so impersonal but at the same time, undignified. I'm sorry to hear that you have had uncaring staff - I have been fortunate with most of mine. My experience of radiation, in a busy public hospital, was that the staff are well aware of how vulnerable we are and that for many of us, resilience has worn down to nothing. The therapists and nurses who looked after me were at all times considerate and caring, and I could see that they were the same for other patients, as well. I hope that this is your experience, too.
Mightystar
Member
6 years ago
I work for a company that manufactures these machines and we endlessly talk about the patient experience. It’s something we all don’t understand unless we have been there. I asked my colleagues who sell, market and work clinically with these machines around the number of sessions and was strongly advised to take the lower dose with more sessions than the higher radiation and fewer sessions- it being safer overall.
I was afraid starting radiotherapy. The big cold room, the cold breast plate I had to lay on, being left alone and not being able to move. I breathed through it. I spoke to the nurses. I wore crop top type bras I could pull down or singlet tops with a bra in them so I could regain my dignity quickly.
I got to know the machine. How it moved, the colours, the marks on it, the sounds. The stickers on it they had for the kids, they calmed me as well. Each session after the first was very quick, in and out in 15min.
Radiotherapy was not as scary as I imagined. Is there something that could help you with it? Taking along something, finding out more info, a song you can listen to, a ritual afterwards? I used to walk then have a good coffee afterwards. On the last day I swapped coffee for wine 😊. Be kind to yourself, you can do this x
kezmusc
Member
6 years ago
Hey @Temple

I did answer some of your question on the other post. I found radiation the easiest (if that's a word you can use during this) I had next to none of the side effects you read about. My skin held up really well until about treatment 25. Even then it healed fast afterwards. The treatment is pretty quick. You normally spend more time in the wating are than acrually doing it. @May20019 is correct. Like having a baby. Leave your dignity at the door, and go somewhere else in your head. The tecnicians have seen it all before thousands of times.
The best part about radiation is the big rope you can use to pull yourself up with at the end. :)
xoxo
May20019
Member
6 years ago
Hi Temple I can relate to your post completely. I found some of the staff very off hand and the rad process freaked me out too. It is very intimidating your lying on a hard plastic "bed" with (in my case) both boobs exposed and a machine slowly moving around you making odd noises. I hated it. I decided that having breast cancer treatment was like having a baby no privacy and no dignity you just have to get on with it. The staff are of course just doing their job but when you are feeling so low and vulnerable it is hard to get past the shit stuff.

But hang in there while it is shit you do get use to the routine and on my first day I told the staff that I was very nervous and apprehensive and they were very kind.
Big hug to you.
Keep busy. You will get through this!
I hope all goes well for you next week.
Afraser
Member
6 years ago
If you need to direct your (suppressed) fear and general sense of unhappiness towards anything, a machine is not a bad target. It’s not going to get upset by your dislike or treat you differently because of it. It’s not judgmental, as you say it’s quite impersonal, and it’s not malicious. Sooner or later, we all need to take out our frustrations on something and recognise our fear. Hate the machines by all means if it helps but don’t confuse hating the machines with what staff can do with them. Machines are just instruments, how you use them is the critical bit. Radiation seems to me to be a very tough treatment but those who have gone through it have different stories. To a certain extent, it’s just one more tough treatment - like surgery or chemo. Fear is a natural reaction to the treatment we go through for cancer, and of having cancer in the first place, it’s not anything to be ashamed of and we have all been there. It’s hitting you now because it was almost bound to do so at some point. I am certain that some members of the network can provide helpful information to get you through the next stage, at least to give it a go and see how you feel then. But also think about some counselling, some independent professional advice about coping with all this unexpected stuff in your life. It can really help. Best wishes.
brightspace
Member
6 years ago
Hi my dear sorry that the hebbies have got to you ..maybe Halloween to blame
As others here will say
You can do this ...
generally the staff are very considerate
In July my 90 year old stoic mother managed to do five weeks of rads for skin cancer to nose .she looked awful by the last week but the staff and driver were amazing
I was amazed by her inner strength

Yep monster bland edifices of the ct machines are the part that I don't like it's a long road ahead as am metastic with slow progression
Always keeping busy
Cyber Huggs
Bright in hope

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