Radiation update

Hi Lyn,

I am now on annual leave and have another week of radiotherapy.  I am exhausted by the evening and could very easily go to bed around 3ish in the arvo.  The early morning sleeplessness is the problem.  I'm awake from anywhere from 1.00am onwards and that is where the counselling is helping - I think!  I use the Mindfullness Skills CD and use that to attack my fears but I am still experiencing tearful times in the early morning.  I have had a couple of really nasty nightmares and couldn't get the images out of my head even during the day.  My Clinical Psychologist used a technique called EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing and within 10 minutes I couldn't find the image anymore in my mind's eye.  I have used it myself when I had the last horrible image and it works!  Apparently it is used for Vietnam Vets and works extremely well.  I was so impressed, I really didn't think anything like that would work - apparently it reprocesses the REM memories.  It made a great difference to me I can tell you.  Have a look at these websites if you are interested http://cognitivetherapy.me.uk/emdr.htm  http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/about_therapy/item.php?uniqueid=7035&categoryid=401 

I still am having problems but I have been researching and reading and am really finding some answers in this book: Staring at the Sun: overcoming the dread of death by Irvin D. Yalom.  It seems to be very prevalent with a cancer diagnosis and I am feeling a lot better about my problems, my GP and Psychologist both tell me it is normal when coping with a cancer diagnosis but I need to have some way of understanding my subconscious and ways to counteract so I don't totally loose it if you know what I mean.  I know logically that my diagnosis is pretty good considering all things but I can't stand the 'think positive' advice I am getting all the time - I will have to shout at someone soon the way I am going - do you feel like that Lyn?  

Yes, I found work was good most of the time, except when someone commented how good I am looking and 'think positive' and simply not being treated as I normally would be treated.  Cancer has changed people's reactions to me in a fundamental way.  Paradoxically I want people to take care with me but I don't want to be treated as a person at the end of life or stop me from living a fulfilling lifestyle.  I need the illness to be acknowledged but not to be mollycoddled if you know what I mean.  I want to be as independent as possible.

Thinking of you Suzf.