Life after treatment

I think you have nailed it when you say your husband switches off. Some people aren't blessed with a lot of empathy. He doesn't get it and to a certain extent, he can't get it.  Saying what you would have done if it was you (and it isn't and it wasn't) is pretty indicative. Hard as it is, you (once again) may have to help him with his problem (when you might reasonably expect at least a little sympathy with yours). He may feel he has been holding up the ship. Possibly that he's being taken for granted. He wants the world back the way it was (or the way he would prefer it). A third party (professional) may be very useful, but getting him to go may be tricky. Outline what help will be needed in the home if you do go to work. Indicate what needs to happen healthwise before you can take on anything else. Would a new focus/training/voluntary work as a start to something else actually help your depression?  Anything to stop the general whinging and get him to concentrate on the reality! Best of luck.