Forum Discussion
Introduction
I didn't ever think I would find myself writing a blog like this.
Hi. I'm Angela. I'm 31 years old. And this was the year I was going to really start making things happen in my life. I enrolled in uni, picked up some project work, promised myself I would do more writing, travel, spend more time saying no to things I don't want to do and focussing on things I do. Funny what the universe does with you plans huh?
On New Years Eve just gone I was called into my doctors office following some tests runs post what I thought was a simple chest injury. Surprise! Not so much. They told me they thought it was breast cancer and that I would need a biopsy to confirm. Being new years the closest they could make that happen was the following monday, so i had 4 days to wait. Of course we were hosting a party that night so I left the doctors office, and did what anyone else would do. I made punch and party snacks.
That wasn't the best weekend ever. But I got through to Monday with the support of my partner and by Tuesday it was confirmed. 38mm tumour in my left breast, nodal involvement. The next few days were a fun blur of decisions. They decided we would do the full course of chemo upfront (4 cycles of once each 3 weeks then weekly for 12 weeks) then mastectomy, then radiation. It seems like everyone I read about has had surgery first, I have asked my oncologist why we are doing it this way and she tells me it gives me time to get used to the diagnoses. Whatever that means.
The hardest bit at that point was the fertility preservation options. They told me my best chance of having children in the future would be IVF and completing embryo freezing before I started chemo. And they gave me 24 hrs to decide. I have never known whether I wanted children and I have been dating my partner for about a year (we don't even live together) so making that decision was tricky. In the end I went ahead and did it, we figured at the very worst he would act as a sperm donor, but it hurt my heart to have future decisions forced and taken out of my hands like that. I know I should be grateful for having that option, and I am, It's just a lot to take on.
I started chemo about 4 weeks ago. I just completed round two last friday. The first cycle was pretty gross for the first week or so but I bounced back nicely after that. Apart from the hair loss. I ended up shaving it the night before round two because it was coming out in handfuls. I'm still unsure if it was the right move because now I can't even pretend I'm not sick. You know? Sometimes it is nice to pretend.
Now I'm recovering from round two. I feel awful. I had glandular fever once and I used to get exhausted walking from one room to the next, this is the only comparable thing to that for me. I have always been really healthy so this is tough. I've gone from training 3-4 times a week to not being able to walk to the shops. Does it get easier? Will I adjust? 6 months of this is going to destroy me.
I wish I knew how to make myself feel better. I'm taking suppliments, eating healthy food, resting, drinking water, getting massage and accupuncture but it seems like everything is two steps forward, three back.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I guess I need to start getting things out of my head, I spend all day making jokes about this, and telling everyone how it's all going to be fine, It's exhausting.
If anyone has any tips on how to come to terms with all of this, feel free to share.
That's probably enough for today.
Ange x
14 Replies
HI Ange
I'm 34 years and was the same as you. I never thought I would get one one of these sites and write a blog, but surprisingly it does help. Knowing that you are not alone and hearing from people in the same situation as you makes you feel that tiny bit better.
I am on a similar treatment to you, I have just finished by 4 x fortnightly and have started my weekly treatments. I don't think it ever gets any easier. I'm lucky that i haven't been very sick from my treatments, funny though the only time i really feel nauseous is when i walk into the hospital to get my treatment. I know how you feel with the tiredness though, I used to train 6 times per week and now I walk up the stairs at work and I have to rest when i get to the top cos i'm so out of breath.
With regards to shaving your hair, I think you made the right move. Seeing your hair fall out like that is a difficult thing to accept and at least my shaving it off you have taken back the control and you decide when it goes. I can image it was not an easy decision to make but I would have done the same.
Hopefully things start looking up for you and i wish you all the best.
Laura
Hi Ange.
What a rough start to the year. And what huge decisions you've had to make so quickly. Sounds like your partner has been very supportive so far, hats off to him, too.
I was diagnosed last year, 6 months before I turned 50, so a slightly different situation to you. Mine was 35mm tumour, node positive. My only symptom was enlarged, tender axillary nodes.
My surgeon recommended chemo first, for the following, evidence based, reasons:-
1) Reduce tumour size to give a better chance of breast conserving surgery;
2)Can se how effective the chemo is/has been against the cancer. I had a mammogram & ultrasound at the halfway mark to assess tumour response.
3)My own thoughts, that knowing I was node positive, although staging tests were all normal, having chemo first would knock any little undetectable cells before they had a chance to multiply.
Chemo first did give me time to get my head around what surgery would entail, to some degree, it wasn't part of the reason for doing chemo first. I'm glad I had chemo first, hard though it was. I finished radiotherapy almost four weeks ago. I still have moments when I wonder when I'm going to wake up & find it's all been a dream, lol.
I try to take things one day at a time. it is hard to find information about neoadjuvant chemo. If you have any questions you don't want to post openly, feel free to send a pm to me. Thinking of you,
Take care, Lyn
Hi Ange
I'm 35 with 2 little ones and another on the way - diagnosed the week before Xmas, surgery 3 days later, discharged on Xmas day, Chemo started mid Jan.... They have to induce me early to fit in with chemo cycles.... (I'm amazed that I can have chemo whilst bub is on board)
I have had a horror couple of years, losing my mum to cancer (blood), both my Nans, watching my niece (18months) spend 12 months in hospital fighting leukemia, full works including bone marrow transplant... This was supposed to be my good year.
After all that I cannot imagine having to decide about children years beforehand.
It is a huge thing to comprehend, let-alone deal with. It sounds like you have given yourself at least the future option for kids and your man sounds like a keeper - what a wonderful thing he has done for you.
The only advice about how to get through (I'm currently 9 days post round 2 AC and it has hit me like a ton of bricks) I can give is to take each day at a time. You sound like you are doing all you can health wise so just rest up, allow yourself to rest (mentally as well) and just do things when you feel up to it. I used to walk my dogs everyday, take the kids on bike rides etc, now I'm lucky to walk for 20mins once a week - and then it takes me 2 days to recover. Be kind to yourself and remember this is temporary! It is all so we CAN be better.
Venting on here is wonderful therapy, and everyone is so supportive - I have found this site an immense help. Remember you dont have to be strong about this - it is horrible but it will be worth it in the end.
Hang in there, sending hugs
Em xxoo
Hi not what you thought your year would involve. I'm going to be4 years post diagnosis. I was convinced I would die, man I even bought a dress for my own funeral, but look I'm still here grab that sucker by the horns and kick it back it is do able yes I she'd many tears , wondered why me but you do get through it. Regards adean
Anje so sorry you had to join this forum I was diagnosed this January & know what a shock it is like all the others who have gone through it.
I was advised when joining this forum to take it 1 day at a time & take deep breaths.
The lovely ladies on this forum are a big help with all the advice they give & I find it really helps.
Sending big hugs to you.
Eileen
xx
Thanks Karen. I just need to keep telling myself, one day at a time. I'm so glad to hear you are on the other side of treatment. X
Thanks so much for replying, sometimes it's nice to feel validated in how shit it is and not pretending it's not! And also to remember that other people have done this, got through this, that it is possible...
I will check out your blog for sure. Hope today is a good one for you x
Hi Ange,
Life has a way of messing with our plans, I had just become a Registered Marriage Celebrant after finally deciding to do what I had been thinking about for years and then about two weeks later found out I had breast cancer at the age of 36! So I had to put my plans on hold for awhile. I have now made it through Surgery, Chemo and Radiation and am slowly putting my life back together.
Chemo sucks there is no other way to put it but you will make it through, even when you feel like you can't some how you find a way. Fertility options are so hard to make when you don't think you will have to make them, you are forced to make such big decisions so quickly.
I am sending you a big hug, just keep ticking off the days and you will get there. Emma Xx
Hi Ange,
I just wanted to jump in, say hello and welcome you to a place where you can get things out of your head and know that you have a community around you ready to help and support you.
We have a young women's online support group and other online groups you may like to join. Here is some information from our young womens section of our website as well for you.
If there is anything you need please let us know.
~Ann-Marie x
Hi Angela - I am much older than you and I think to myself how would've I coped at age 31? Hopefully in the way I am now. Fertility at my age is not the question but menopause is.
Just wanted to say you've come to the right place, we will all support and share experiences.
There is a multitude of information on here to help you along the way as well as groups for your age group.
Make the most of the time between appointments and rest up where you can. You've already recognised that a healthy lifestyle will help keep in you in good stead to endure this crooked mile or two that we all travel through Breast Cancer.
As you ache and feel crappy try and remember that it is the medication/treatment doing it's work all in the aim of ridding your body of BC.
Virtuals hugs to you
Take Care
Christine xx
