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Sarah54's avatar
Sarah54
Member
12 years ago

every morning

Hello pink ladies

Have not participated for a while but still here and read every morning what and who is adding to the site. I feel sorrow with every new person and especially the young ones.

. I am very dissappointed that no-one has replied to radiation and chemo CMF. There is not too much info out there on this combination. I have been told this is what I will be doing after this time next week and by now both breasts cut off and in the bin! I am suffering from very bad nerves and depression even thinking about it. The Black Dog has taken hold and I have just removed myself from society. I am getting sick of "home" but fail to find any energy to get out at all. Even walking my small dog is too bigger a deal.

Double mastectomy this time next week and I did not think I was going to miss them but it turns out I will and sacred shitless at the op next week. To-day I just cannot hope for a future and facing life with a craved up chest. Hats off to all who have gone down this avenue before me and I am sure I will be the first to give advise and support to the next victim but at the moment I have nothing to give.

Thanks for reading

Sarah 54

chemotherapy
mastectomy
radiotherapy

4 Replies

  • Karen_T's avatar
    Karen_T
    Member
    12 years ago

    I am only halfway through this BC experiance and so far have found the things I have been the scaredist of after the fact have been much better than I imagined.

    Last week I was expecially down and crying a lot (the fertility preservation part of the journey threw me for a complet six) so a friend of mine out of the blue took a day off work to get me out of the city for a day. I didnt have to do anything apart from get dressed and hop in her car! Finding motavation when down can be hard..

    We went out and walked around a beautiful park and I felt so much better for it.

    I hope that you find something to help just tune out and refresh before your surgery.  I dont know if this is something you want to do but looking at nice tastefull photos of cancer survivors scars helped me a lot as the results were much different than I imagined. Google The SCAR Project if you would like to do the same.

    A lady I know through work had a single mascatomy and was telling me that she was plesently surpirsed that she can lay down in bed in many more comfortable ways now without a boob in the way - I didnt even know she had had a mascatomy! People on the other side of this all seem to say they felt the same  and are now dealing with it and happy. Keep in mind this is your future too. You will ajust in time as crazy as that sounds now :)

    Please keep sharing here. There are so many lovely ladies here and we are all rooting for you.

    *hugs*

    Karen

     

     

  • Sarah54's avatar
    Sarah54
    Member
    12 years ago

    You two are amazing people, a pearl among rocks, you are always there. Thankyou.

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I concentrated on the fact that the surgery was to remove the cancer rather than the breast. I thought my breast was full of the cancer and the best way to be rid of the cancer was to remove the whole breast. I was worried about what it would look like afterwards but was surprised that there was just a very neat looking scar covered by a dressing when I first looked. There was not even much pain, just a very tight feeling that made it difficult to move my arm. I look at my scar now and it is just a faint white line. I have never thought it was ugly or deformed. Removing my breast saved my life and no one even knows unless I choose to tell them that I have no breast. I think about all the people who loose a limb or an eye or a piece of their face to cancer and think that loosing a breast is so much less of an issue. I think of the people (some of them only children) who's cancer is inoperable and feel lucky that removing my breast and lymph nodes will hopefully give me a lot more life to enjoy. Some people don't have that hope. As hard as it is getting out and going for a walk somewhere where you can notice the beauty around us can really help to lift your mood. Think of some things that you have to be grateful about and write them down. Try to add to this list each day. Reading it can help you feel better. I hope you feel better soon. We all have moments or days when it all seems too much but this should not continue for too long. Take care. Deanne xxx
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    Even though we all travel a slightly different path,we all have one thing in common.Last September,I also was scared witless.Leading up to my surgery my hands were clammy and cold all the time,because I was so terrified,and my sleep was badly disrupted.After next week,I am sure that you will be surprised at how you do cope,and as you said,you will probably be giving advice to other new ladies who are just starting out.At the moment though Sarah,just do what you have to ,to enable you to get through each day.Stay in touch on here,because I believe it really can help support you through this.Sending caring hugs :) Cheers xoxRobyn