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Jennyho's avatar
Jennyho
Member
10 years ago

Am I just a sook?

Hi

It is a year since my first and second Breast cancer excisions and lymph node biopsy. The first was on 3 March 2015 and the 2nd a week later on 10 March 2015. Apparently there was a second cancer near the skin which was missed by all. Not blaming my surgeon who is esteemed by all in the know and friends of friends who have experienced her care. However I was quite shattered by the discovery of the second cancer and the need for another surgery so soon. However the prognosis was good after this and I escaped chemotherapy but had 16 radio therapy treatments. Other than a painful and frustrating frozen shoulder for 12 months which has now sorted itself and the usual tiredness and frustration with not having my usual energy everything has been going ok.  Oh, I did have to have a Gall bladder 6 weeks after the breast surgeries with that surgeon and the radio oncologist discussing how to fit it in around radio treatments!  So in all, not the worst of things to happen.

My problem is how I feel about the lack of sympathy and emotional from my family. My husband has always been helpful around the house and is regarded well by all. However 3 days after my second Breast surgery he asked ' shouldn't you be over it by now?' Maybe I was being a bit emotional but that shattered me. That someone so close to me and who professes to love me could be so callous. However I tried to put that behind me (never forgiven though as you see).  My 2 married daughters were soliticious in the first week or so but soon decided I was not seriously ill - which I wasn't but I can't help wanting more emotional support and understanding of my experience. I suppose the 2nd crunch ( after my husband's comment) came this week when visiting a daughter overseas, my 10 year old granddaughter told me that I didn't have cancer because 'the doctor took it out so you are alright now'. I assured her I was alright but felt hurt that this had been dealt with in so perfunctory a manner. Now my youngest granddaughter has developed chicken pox and while there has been much discussion about whether her other grandparents should visit (one has Rheumatoid arthritis so naturally concerns are raised) when I wondered aloud whether I need to be careful about contact, my daughter just said blithely'too late now'.

Sorry about this long essay but I guess I am feeling unloved and certainly lacking in any family sympathy. Perhaps just a sook! 

Thanks for ' listening'

 

 

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  • Jennyho's avatar
    Jennyho
    Member
    10 years ago

    Dear Kate

    I have suffered from depression in the past so I guess not surprising the anxieties of the past year are pressing in on me. And you have made me realise that because I am on an extended visit overseas to my daughter and family that I have totally stopped my exercise routine which I keep up when I am at home. So in all there a few things bringing me down. Thank you for outlining some good strategies.  Good luck with your chemotherapy. I hope you continue to be kind to yourself. Best regards, Jenny

     

     

  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    10 years ago

    3 surgeries in 12 months is a lot for anyone to cope with without radiotherapy and the mental anguish women with breast cancer experience. People just don't understand the various aspects. ..tiredness, body image adjustment, effects on sexuality and then there is the very real fear of the constant thought of "what if it returns". It is exhausting. So no....you are not being a sook. Physically you are healing but mentally you are only just beginning. Depression is a very real aspect of cancer treatment. You might find some short term counselling beneficial. Try to find some joy in each day doing things that make you happy.  Slowly build your exercise tolerance as this can help with both fatigue and depression. When we are depressed passing comments are often much more hurtful and play on our minds. And do keep blogging. ..writing stuff down can really just help us get it all out of our heads.

    I am currently having chemo and only go out when I feel well enough...and after I apply makeup that makes me glow. I am sick to death of people telling me how well I look. They don't realise it probably took me an hour as I needed to rest after showering etc before I could leave the house.

    We all get it. Take care. Kath x

  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    10 years ago

    No you're not a sook! We're all living similar things. Family or friends that assume you're back to your old self. If only it was that simple. Don't let them get under your skin. They haven't a clue.

    Be kind to yourself and find a coping strategy where you can zone out and block the negativity. A walk or listening to music or a chocolate or a good book.

    Take care 

    Christine xx 

  • Jennyho's avatar
    Jennyho
    Member
    10 years ago

    Thanks Karen. Your response made me cry ...so I am a sook!  Just kidding. I think I am just missing that level of understanding and I should have sought it from people such as you a lot earlier. I guess I thought I should be able to get on with things by myself. I know I will now seek help more often from the network...all of whom after all knows what some of what I am feeling. Likewise I think it is helpful to me to read other posts to reflect upon my experience and also to offer support to others.  Thanks again.

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Jenny,

    you definitely aren't a sook.  The thing is, people have this perception that breast cancer is bald head and sick from chemo. The reality can be far from that though, especially if you haven't had chemo.  I did have chemo and lost my hair but I continued to have active treatment for 8 months after chemo. Peoples expectations qof me have been oh well your done now, you should be fine. My family also expected this. It wasn't until I broke down crying and told them about the troubles I experience due to treatment and how tired I am that they have changed their attitudes. Regardless of what stage of bc you have, it is traumatic and a horrible thing to go through. The emotional toll, let alone the physical toll is huge and unfortunately many people don't realise this. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are recovering. Take care. Karen xox