So many thoughts, not sure I want to know the answers

Dlhcba6
Dlhcba6 Member Posts: 39
edited October 2013 in Health and wellbeing
I am 43 years old and it's been 11 weeks since my diagnosis. Kind of feels like I am in a confessional.
So 11 weeks ago I went to have a mammogram about a lump...ended up having the scan then an ultrasound during which the chatty sonographer stopped being chatty...met by a dr who said no biopsy today you need to see a surgeon.
So the 200km drive home that day was not so pleasan.
Since that day, I have had a right mastectomy, sentinel node biopsy, breast reconstruction and two rounds of chemo (due to have 3 FEC and 3 D).
I have 4 kids under 10 and I think my husband still is of the opinion that I am such an oxe I will pull through this so easily.
I really don't think I have had time to breathe in the past 11 weeks, let alone take much in. And if one more person says " you only get dealt in life what you can manage" I may slap them...hard.
It's the small, stupid things that are bothering me...my hair hurt like hell when it was readying itself to depart and I can trace the last infusion vein from my wrist to my armpit via its redness.
Is anyone else bothered by stupid stuff like this or just me?
Lisa

Comments

  • Cherylek
    Cherylek Member Posts: 197 ✭
    edited March 2015
    I found losing my hair really upsetting, then one day I looked in the mirror and my eyebrows had gone followed by the eyelashes.
    My hair has started to grow back, four months down the track and it's still very short, but hey, I have hair. It was a big day when the wig got packed away and I donated my unused headscarves to my oncology unit.
    People will say stupid things to you, you'll work out who your friends are (they won't disappear when you need help or support). There's also a group on this site and facebook for young women aged up to 50? diagnosed with BC called Young Pink Sisters might be worth having a look at.
    Cheryle :)
  • Deanne
    Deanne Member Posts: 2,163 ✭
    edited March 2015
    Unless you have been through this I don't think you truly understand all the little things that challenge you along the way.

    I actually felt really well and healthy before discovering my lump. After 5 months, so far, of surgery and Chemo I am now a wreck! I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel really good again.

    When others complain about the usual irritations of life (like I used to also, I know!) I just feel like saying "try my life for a day and you would appreciate how good your life really is!"

    After my mastectomy and node surgery I remember feeling frustrated with having to have a cannula in my good hand restricting my ability to manouver myself in bed. When the nurse removed it finally I thanked her and remarked for the first time in this journey that it is the little things that make a difference. We cannot do anything about the big issue of needing treatment for BC, but the little things can make the process so much better or worse!
    Deanne xx
  • Dlhcba6
    Dlhcba6 Member Posts: 39
    edited March 2015
    Thanks so much for responding. When I think back, I actually remember feeling really good too, until that fateful day when all of a sudden I was not well.
    I hate feeling sick. It really annoys the crap out of me. I am not a good rester either, though am learning the hard way I think.
    I was very happy when my hair went as it got rid of the pain, yet now I look at my bald little pinhead and it makes me angry. Guess I should be saving that energy for something useful? My 5 year old just told me I was too bossy now...not sure how to react to that? Toughen up child...this is how mummy is now.
    I just wonder if you ever feel ok again? I am so morbid this week. Must be the bloody hormones still battling to stay in control of my body...
    L
    :)
  • VivW
    VivW Member Posts: 266
    edited March 2015

    So sorry to hear your story, we cope the best we can, it really is a rollercoaster and just when you hit the peak down you go again.

    It's more than OK to fall in a heap, let your family know that you are not superwoman.  You can be the ox stuck in mud.

    I am due to have ovaries/hysterectomy on Wed, someone asked it I was nervous, to which I have said no as I am pleased to lower my risks, but deep down I am really sad that this whole bc crap has put me in this situation. 

    I am also not a good rester, so the 8 weeks recovery for this op willl be hard.  I am sellf employed and love my job, but will have to sit back and watch my team do it for me. 

    The best thing about your children is that they will love you unconditionallly and will be there to give you a cuddle.

    Take care and look after yourself.

    Viv

  • JeanineG
    JeanineG Member Posts: 135 ✭
    edited March 2015
    Hi Lisa

    I've just read your post and wanted to express my sadness at reading your story and knowing that yet another lovely lady has to deal with the harsh realities of a breast cancer diagnosis. Everything in your life gets turned upside down and you don't have the patience for the everyday nonsense that others gripe about. It's even harder dealing with the hurtful and insensitive things people say - as if you got BC because a higher power decided you would be strong enough to deal with it! I eventually stopped listening to people's comments and would just nod and agree - I know that people have good intentions but if they haven't experienced this trauma they have no idea what it feels like.

    You've had a lot to deal with and no time to process it. Be kind to yourself and make feeling well your priority - even if that means resting :) I have had five surgeries since February 2012 and still feel tired so don't beat yourself up.

    Sending you hugs and healing thoughts,
    Xxx
    Jeanine

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