Things people say.

mumflo

Yesterday I decided to treat myself to a new outfit.

I felt good the dressings were finally off my poor irradiated boob and I was sporting almost a number 3s worth of hair on my noggin.

When the assistant approached me and offered to help then said "you must be very brave wearing your hair like that especially when it's so grey"

 And that was the end of trying to treat myself, I hoofed it back to my car for a good cry.

It got me to thinking about the things people say. I've been called brave a few times now, I ain't brave there's not a brave bone in my body.

Now if I saved a baby from a burning building while on my way to chemo now thats brave! Have also heard oh you poor thing and once when my son was having an epic melt down not only did I hear oh you poor thing someone said and "I thought I had problems".

Here's another "you look good", what do they mean you look good.  I sure wasn't looking good, bald, eyebrow less, a glowing red rash, moonfaced from all the prednisone and swollen from all the fluid retention. Usually the you look good is then followed by you have a positive attitude, Yup have to be positive.

And why do people think its OK to tell you there chemo horror stories. I don't want to hear that your great aunt died having chemo if it doesn't have a happy ending don't tell me. Also don't offer to help if your not going to. That one was a bit awkward when I asked.  

Guess that turned into a bit of a ramble, really needed to have a wee bit of a rant. Thanks

Fiona xx

rowdy

Oh my god reading your post I have been there, isnt it strange how people tell you how strong or brave you are, like we have a choice. One of my sisters was terrible everytime she seen me she would tell me how strong and brave and then starts srying it annoyed the hell out of me, I know she is worried about me, so I ended up telling her I wasn't srong and brave just taking it day at a time, she is much better now.

Today you need to go out and treat yourself and if someone makes a comment about your hair, think quick and put it back on to them and Laugh, beacuse we all have enough to put up with to be bothered by someone you dont know . Go out and have a great day keep smilingxx

 .

Chorsell

You just have to arm yourself with some witty comebacks so you get a good chuckle from the look on their faces....

Some possible examples...

"Oh I had it coloured like this"
" oh I am just saving money - no more shampoo and conditioner - I did it so I could afford to buy a dress here"

Or if you're feeling a bit stronger -

" good thing I didn't ask your advice then"
" I suggest you think before you speak as you have no idea why I wear my hair this way"

I know it can be upsetting but people just don't engage their brain before they speak sometimes!!!

Mind you if you chose to wear your hair that way irrespective of BC it would still be offensive

Xxx

June1952

Hi Mumflo

Yes, people are soooo scared of us breast cancer survivors that they simply don't know what to say - so, they forget to engage their brain.

Don't be put off by ignorant people.  As Chorsell says, think of a few retorts - OR put it back on them and highlight something about them !

I am finding I am a 'non person' just like when you resign from a job.  People are often quite jealous that you are making the move or they are disappointed that you are leaving.  People cease to talk to you.

In our case I think it is them thinking "oh xxxx, what if it were me ?".  A friend of many many years has taken a back seat - and on the bus sized vehicle - she just cannot cope with the whole idea, let alone be of support.

When shopping yesterday I was seen by someone who knows I had a boob removed due to breast cancer.  She said "Oh, what are you doing out already ?" - Well, we have to eat and pay bills, don't we ?

People love to tell their stories as a way of 'bettering' yours - just walk away from them as you do not need them.

I am being told I am positive and brave but really, what can we do ?  Curl up and die ?  Human nature takes over, the will to live is a powerful thing.

Go out and be proud of yourself, treat the ignorant people with the respect they deserve and have a wonderful day spoiling yourself.

Have a great weekend.

Summer

Robyn W

You post reminds me of one from last year,that actually made me laugh,about what people say.The lady who put it on here,was going for a walk/ jog I think around Albert Park Lake in Melbourne,when she came across a personal trainer,running a boot camp type of thing.She had lost her hair,and as she went past them,she heard him say(rather loudly) "now look at that lady... COME ON ,GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!"It made me laugh,and I believe that people don't mean to upset us with their comments.I try to remember back before I had cancer,and I honestly can't remember how I ever reacted to the news that someone had cancer.I have felt sorrow at hearing the news,but I can't remember my other reactions.I guess we are all so different,so we just need to filter our friends if some are causing us distress.Its a good blog subject I think.Cheers xxxRobyn

yetbeung

There was no jogging about it Robyn! lol It was a VERY relaxed walk. I was not even breaking a sweat. 

It was SO embarrassing, but I know they meant it in the nicest possible way - when they all got up and clapped, now THAT was bad!  Oh god, seems like so long ago now. 

I also can't remember how I used to react when I found out someone had cancer...truthfully though, I don't know that many people who have had it.

Thanks for reminding me of that post I did, I had to go back and re-read it! Thankfully I didn't get many "foot in mouth" comments from people.  Living in St Kilda certainly helped! All kinds of people here, doesn't matter what you look like, nobody bats an eyelid! 

Robyn W

Just trying to make you look good by saying ' jog' !!!! I hope your job is going well.xxxRobyn

Lillightontheleft

Now being the unforgiving soul I can be, I would have contacted management and gone right up the line of seniority until I had that woman's job or I was satisfied she had been raked over the coals severely enough that she would NEVER make that mistake again.
You made me think of a situation involving my son which was very unfortunate, and had strong repercussions for him. A kid he knew from school, but not other than to see him, came up to him and commented on the situation in a snide manner. My son, who was watching his developmentally delayed sister so I could just run into a shop without the wheelchair, says he looked at the kid, frowned and said "Who the F**K are you". The kid turned red and beat it out of there quick smart. Not big on the f word, I was still impressed that he had very calmly turned around a situation which could have been really awful, no one hurt and yet that kid will probably think twice before trying to humiliate anyone again.
Don't let the ignorant B get away with it, but also, don't give her a second more power over your feelings - your hair may be short and grey but it will grow and there is hair dye. She is ignorant and ain't nothing on the chemist's shelf to fix that!

Lillightontheleft

Now being the unforgiving soul I can be, I would have contacted management and gone right up the line of seniority until I had that woman's job or I was satisfied she had been raked over the coals severely enough that she would NEVER make that mistake again.
You made me think of a situation involving my son which was very unfortunate, and had strong repercussions for him. A kid he knew from school, but not other than to see him, came up to him and commented on the situation in a snide manner. My son, who was watching his developmentally delayed sister so I could just run into a shop without the wheelchair, says he looked at the kid, frowned and said "Who the F**K are you". The kid turned red and beat it out of there quick smart. Not big on the f word, I was still impressed that he had very calmly turned around a situation which could have been really awful, no one hurt and yet that kid will probably think twice before trying to humiliate anyone again.
Don't let the ignorant B get away with it, but also, don't give her a second more power over your feelings - your hair may be short and grey but it will grow and there is hair dye. She is ignorant and ain't nothing on the chemist's shelf to fix that!