My new normal.

Janey235

Dear Pink Friends. I am up quite late tonight (or should I say early this morning) just thinking about what has happened to me this past twelve months or so. I have been waiting for the end of 2013 rather impatiently and it has now gone. It must be physiological but I feel so good. I'm leaving behind one of the most horrific experiences of my life. It's done and dusted! I've left a nightmare of shocking news, emotional upheaval, treatments and surgery and now I know I can deal with just about anything. Yes my body has changed and there will always be scars and I have a little more treatments and surgery to go this year before I can really say it's all ended but the worst is over and it is a huge relief!

I am not the same person that I was before this all happened, I'm better. I am looking at life with fresh eyes and liking what I see. I remember years ago how elated I felt when I got glasses for the first time and discovered clarity of details like the veins on a leaf or the soft downy fuzz on a peach and I am feeling the same way now. Everything is clear like the sunlight after a storm. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am floating.

It's been a quiet start to 2014 spent with my husband and some dear friends at the beach. I celebrated the coming of the new year not by partying but with quiet blessings and gratefulness. I am thankful for many things. The wonderful medical team and treatment that I have been able to have here in Melbourne, the fact that I was diagnosed early, my work colleagues for their sympathy and support, my home and the laughter and love of my family and friends who have kept me sane. I am appreciating the little pleasures in life and letting go of stress and things beyond my control.

Those of you who read my poem 'Waiting' will know what I'm talking about (http://www.bcna.org.au/user/12607/blog/62506) when I say I'm well and truly out of that chair. I am embracing my new 'normal'.

Happy New Year everyone. May it be a healthier, healing one for us all.

Love Janey xxx

PS I'm even embracing my grey hair

Deanne

Janey, you have put into words exactly how it feels to be finished treatment. Having experienced the trauma of diagnosis and endured the marathon of treatment and its awful side effects, all the 'normal' things in life look so good! We are different, definitely better, people because we know we are strong. I am more confident now because I have a different perspective on life. I go into situations thinking, it can't be that bad!

I really like your hair, I'm glad you are feeling ok with it now. Mine is growing (slowly) but is still not much longer than 1cm. I mostly go without any covering now, but can't wait for it to look a bit more feminine. My daughter is taking regular photos which is great because I can see the progress. You don't see that when you keep looking at it everyday. I'm not hating the colour yet but guess it will look more grey as it grows in length.

Thanks for your wonderful post. I hope it helps people still facing treatment to hear that life can be good, even better, in time. It's certainly how I feel too. Deanne xxx

Robyn W

What a beautifully written blog post! You need to give up work and become a poet!!!!Your hair looks great.I can't wait for mine to be like that.Happy new year to you Janey,and don't stop blogging,because like Deanne,you are one of the people on here that make this network so special.xoxoxox Robyn

Carolynvj

Hi Janey,
I am so close to leaving all this journey behind me. Started my radiation yesterday 24 to go!!!!
The hardest part is having to stay in Melbourne for 5 weeks away from family. However I know it will finish & then targeted treatment to go.
So glad you are feeling better & your photo & hair is gorgeous. Love that look
My hair is growing all over & about 1cm or longer but not very thick especially on top. But have braved going out with no head covering & it was fine.
Good health & happiness to you for 2014 & way way beyond xxxx

LouiseTurner

Hi Janey, I remember you when you arrived. While I was a fair way ahead of you and i could feel your pain and your fear during all those difficult decisions you were making. You leant on many women in this support network.

And now on the otherside you are an example of calm and composure. I had had the delight of meeting you a last month so I know this to be true.

It is amazingly emotional and healing at the same time reading over past posts to reflect on our bc path. And you put things into words so beautifully. You have made a huge impact on many women on this sight (yes i am a stalker) and I am also out of that metaphorical chair.

Love Louie

mum2jj

Wow, I just love reading your posts. That was so beautifully put. I know you have had many challenges over the last year and yet you continue to dust yourself off and help so many others with you posts. I can feel the calmness in you just by reading your lovely posts. It's funny my journey started as you know over four years ago and there has been a recurrence along the way. Yet it was only when I started investigating my final surgery where I found this site and wonderful women like yourself who had only been diagnosed in the last year who actually helped a "veteran" like me take the leap over the final hurdle...in fact I think you may have even pulled me over. So thank you for always being so supportive of others whilst going through your own battle. Here's to a wonderful 2014!
Paula

Janey235

Great that you're already going without head coverings. It took me quite a while before a got up the courage. I'm not hating my hair anymore, gotten used to the grey, but I wish the fringe would grow as fast as the sides and back are. I've trimmed my own hair at the sides three times now but the top and fringe aren't catching up. It is a good idea and interesting to photograph the progress of our hair growth. I've got a app on my iphone called 'Everyday' which lines up your facial photos and then you play back all the photos like a little film of the daily progress. Not that I'm taken photos everyday, more like every two or three weeks but it's interesting how the 'journey' of baldness to hair looks now.

Life IS good at the moment

Janey xxx

Janey235

I won't stop blogging either. It gives my great pleasure to be able to reassure our pink sisters and to send encouragement just like I received throughout my journey. I hope you are enjoying that bike and riding up a storm.

Thanks for your kind words.

Janey xxx

Janey235

Isn't it funny how we can brave the whole plethora of treatment and be so self conscious and scared about our hair, or lack of. Once you bite the bullet though and ditch the head coverings is it fine isn't it. But it took me a while to be brave.

I'm sorry I missed you before Christmas at Peter Mac. Do you have your radiation treatment daily? Maybe I might bump into you one of those days.

Janey xxx

Janey235

I am touched by your reply. You are one of my stars here and yes it was so so good to meet you last month. I hope it won't be the last time we meet.

Janey xxx

Janey235

I've been following your posts since I joined and you have been so helpful to so many women with your encouragement and kindness, I hope you feel the love that everyone sends back to you.

I haven't started back at work yet, I am due at the start of February at reduced hours and building up for the first few months. I didn't want to rush back into full time right away and fortunately for me the university where I work is very supportive of women in my situation. But I can understand how disappointed you must feel to be replaced by a younger person. Keep that positive attitude though and good luck with your traineeship. I admire your spirit Bel

Janey xxx

Janey235

Looking on the positives that have come out of such a negative year is a great way to view 2013. I like what you wrote 'a more rounded version of the old you'. That's it for me too.

I know of the group 'Bayside and Eastern Suburbs' and have often thought of your get togethers and how much fun they'd be but I'm an hour and a half north of Melbourne and getting out to where the group meets is a little difficult for me. I would love to come along one day though. I am starting up a City group very soon and I remember it may have been you saying in one of your posts or replies that perhaps our two groups could get together one day. That would be awesome wouldn't it. I hope it comes about.

Janey xxx

Janey235

Judging from your own posts you have dusted yourself off many times and continued to be an inspiration for us all. I am humbled by your lovely word. We've all been buoyed by each other and held each other's hands and I have found it amazing that we could all meet and hug each other like long time friends, not strangers at all.

How's that groin pain Paula? I hope it has settled down.

Janey xxx

Carolynvj

Yes I am having radiation daily at Peter Mac. All going well so far. Will have herceptin infusion on Friday this week as well.
If you are there anytime I am there maybe we could catch up for a coffee.
I am catching up with a friend after treatment today & going for a walk around The Tan. Have never done it so will be nice.
Carolyn x

Janey235

What time are you having Herceptin on Friday? Mine is at 1.30pm but that could mean 2.30 . You know what the waiting is like. LOL

Might see you there.....

Janey xxx

Carolynvj

My appointment is 11.30. Usually takes about 2 hours because of trial, so may see you