Deciding to stop treatment

Less than 8 weeks ago, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, with secondaries in the liver and brain (leptomeningeal metastases).  It sounds cliche, but we (the family and my mother) never expected such a diagnoses.  Mum had regular mammograms.  She had been sick for a few months prior and went to numerous GPs and the odd late night emergency department. The secondary in the liver was discovered first and the stain tests revealed hormones.  We expected ovarian cancer not breast cancer.  There was no family history and with regular checks! The thing I am now aware of is that not all cancers of the breast can show up on x-ray. It took an MRI with contrast to show mums. It was a shock to hear that Mum had breast cancer for years and that she had approximately 2 weeks to 2 months to live without treatment. 

The treatment is horrible.  Twice a week chemo directly into the brain and once a week the systemic treatment.  She did well at first and the cancers are reducing in size but her body is not coping with the treatment.

It is diffcult to understand how, in 2 months, the person that was sitting on my deck at a family BBQ has become a person who cannot eat, move or talk.

Mum's oncologist has today told us, "having seen her today, the choice is easy" and then commenced talking about Canossa pallative care. Without saying anything and unable to maintain eye contact with us, it was clear he has given up hope.

The difficultly for us, being the family is, there are so many ups and downs.  Mum has not eaten for 3 weeks, most days she just sleeps but on the odd day she will be able to communicate, smile and laugh and then you hope for that 360 degree change. On balance though, the "good days" are becoming few and far between and what we now consider "good" would have been, 3 weeks ago, a bad day.

I would be interested in receiving comments, suggestions or advice.