Blue Days
Feeling blue today. Strange that I have not blogged my experience to date. Have written things in my journal early on but just stopped writing. As everyone says "what a ride!". I know I have so much to be grateful for yet still I have these blue days. 9 more sessions of radio to go. Skin is starting to burn, not very sore yet, but... Am at work finding it hard to focus, feeling like crying and wishing... what? I don't know. I think what I want is to sit with other/s going through this and just talk/listen. Still no support group found which I find a bit strange. I wish some of you beautiful ladies lived nearby so we could just get together
Comments
-
I dont live close, but I am here every minute of the day to listen.......... maybe you need a good ole cry session, and it is fine to wish...................wish that this had not happened, wish that you didn't have to front up to radio all the time...............wish that life was back to normal.
I started up a support group here in my town because there was no one for me to talk to going through this. Maybe you could post on this site saying "wanted....women going through BC from .........." or the local paper asking to catch up for a coffee.
Just know that there are many of us here that are still happy to chat and listen even know we are not where you are. Also know that it is OK to have blue days, it is not a case of going through the motions and putting them in a box when they are done. The sad stage, the angry stage, happy, sometimes you will feel like the sadness is behind you and you are on the up and up and then out of nowhere whammo........sad again. That is normal.
Great that you are blogging, I blog often and it is good to get it out there.
Take care and give yourself permission to be sad or happy. there is no one way you should feel. Breast cancer is probably one of the hardest things you will go through in your life.
Tanya xx
0 -
I dont live close, but I am here every minute of the day to listen.......... maybe you need a good ole cry session, and it is fine to wish...................wish that this had not happened, wish that you didn't have to front up to radio all the time...............wish that life was back to normal.
I started up a support group here in my town because there was no one for me to talk to going through this. Maybe you could post on this site saying "wanted....women going through BC from .........." or the local paper asking to catch up for a coffee.
Just know that there are many of us here that are still happy to chat and listen even know we are not where you are. Also know that it is OK to have blue days, it is not a case of going through the motions and putting them in a box when they are done. The sad stage, the angry stage, happy, sometimes you will feel like the sadness is behind you and you are on the up and up and then out of nowhere whammo........sad again. That is normal.
Great that you are blogging, I blog often and it is good to get it out there.
Take care and give yourself permission to be sad or happy. there is no one way you should feel. Breast cancer is probably one of the hardest things you will go through in your life.
Tanya xx
0 -
Thank you Tanya, for your understanding and support. That's a good idea, think I will try it. I got home to a letter of demand for an old MIA bill which I thought I had paid. Had a good cry and called them. I guess I didn't blog my down days before because so many others are dealing with so much more. On the one hand, yes, I am dealing with the treatment process but on the other it is as if it is separate - I have to remind myself that I am one of those people with cancer, and then I don't know how I feel. I am supposed to be selling my house but have been unable to get it ready. It is looking more like a bomb site every day and although I keep pushing the worry aside (as I can't change it right now) I know it is getting me down. My wish is for someone to talk to rather than that I didn't ever have cancer (although no one wants it). I think that having cancer has made me make some decisions and changes in my life that I needed to make some time ago. I don't even wish my life was back to how it was because truth is it hasn't been great for a few years. I do wish I was the person I once was. Happy, optimistic, full of beans. It's been along time since I felt that way; I am hoping that once I get through this, sell my home, leave my job that I will somehow magically return to being that person. Then I think that all I am doing is putting my life on hold again. But what else can I do? Big circle. Sorry if this is all a bit down. I will get back up again. Just trying to sort the thoughts in my head. I wonder if we do ever 'get back to normal' and what is normal anymore.
0 -
Hey Lynne! I was just thinking about you this week and wondering how you're doing so it's really nice to see you pop up here.
Sorry you're feeling blue -- this little bit of sunshine would be lovely to enjoy, but I know what you mean about it all just taking over.
How's that doggie of yours doing? (mine has just had a knee reconstruction, so we're all on restricted activity in solidarity!
.0 -
Hello Lynne,
i read somewhere: 'all sunshine makes a drought" (can't help but wish for summer all year long tho!)
The blue days are 'normal' and when the not so blue days come, they'll feel even better than before. And on those days..make the most of them, do something for yourself.
Easier to say than do, I know, but try not to stress too much about being blue. At this very difficult time in your life, your mind and body are going through so much and so many emotions are trying to get out and usually all at once.
You can always talk to your med team/GP about it too. Sometimes our ceratonin levels can get out of whack which may be a physical side effect.
I recall the 'Blue" days or moments and you know what? You have every right to feel how ever you need to to get through this.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. and the side effects do fade.
One day at a time and do things that make you feel good, no matter how small.
Thinking of you
Emmaxo
0 -
Hey Tanya, thank you again. You are so right. yes, I will get significantly more for the house if it is done. EAch day I tell myself, one foot after another. Had a huge cry and hugs from the nurse & radiotherapist yesterday which helped. Bit better today. I think I am just over having to fit in treatment every day and work, although necessary is bloody inconvenient lol. I made a start today; took a couple of items to the op shop, put some crap on the nature strip (even though the hard rubbish pick up isn't until end November!) The nurse, Mihala, was awesome. Caught up with her again today after treatment and she had followed through and offered some suggestions and possibly even some practical assistance from her husband who is a painter! Will see how the 'working bee' goes tomorrow.
Thank you again for your words of wisdom and kind support.
Lynne xxx
0 -
Hey Di, bit better today. Some hugs, a huge cry and some conversation have helped. I know about the restricted activities; my old boy who is almost 13 had knee recon several years ago. He is struggling movement wise these days as his arthritis has gotten so bad but he still loves a swim :0). It was so hard back then to stop him running up and down the beach!. These days he is at a very slow amble lol. In fact during chemo he and I were pretty much at the same pace! Am thinking of doing some volunteere work sometime in the future. Not sure what or where but hopefully helping other women in some way.
Talk again soon
Lynne
0 -
Hi Emma, thank you. It helps just to have someone say 'it's ok to feel this way'. My seratonin levels are so out of whack it's not funny lol. Am on medication to assist but might need to increase it at the moment. Each day I wake up quite calm and happy then the thought processes kick in and I overload myself with what I need to do and become overwhelmed. Stupid to do that I know but so hard to stop the brain. I have a new mantra though; love, trust, patience & joy. I also tell myself constantly, one step at a time, one foot after the other. I am finding the need to have treatment daily is affecting me, got to plan for it each day, time out of what I need or want to do. I know it is important and people treating me are fantastic for which I am very grateful. Got great hugs from the nurse and the radiotherapist yesterday which helped a lot. My acupuncturist told me that when I have a bowl of rice with too much on it, scrape some off. Very good advice and I am endeavouring to implement it. I love summer too and am soooooo grateful it is warmer now. Even went out without a cap or scarf yesterday and today, too darn hot to wear em and I just thought stuff it! It felt good!
Emma, your words made me feel as though I had been hugged. Thank you
Lynne xxx
0 -
Hi again, just realised I didn't say 'you are not intefering and i appreciate you caring enough to think of suggestions to help me. At the moment i cannot pay someone to do the work. My next port of call is try to find a tradie or three who are happy to do the work and be paid once the house is sold, wish me luck lol. Can't wait to give notice, move and start my life afresh. I know that none of us shout "hooray, I have cancer" but then how many people get the chance to start afresh? I feel it has given me that, just have to get through all this first. No gain without pain I guess.
Hugs n love, Lynne
0 -
lots of BIG HUGS & KISSES for you XXXXXXOOOOOOXXXXXXXOOOOOXXXXXOOOOOOOOXXXXXXOOOOOOOXXXXX
0
