So... my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer...
I never ever expected to hear that my Mum, at 56 years old would be diagnosed with cancer. She was diagnosed in August this year after finding a lump on the underside of her breast that caused her a lot of pain.
She made the fortunate mistake of mentioning the lump to me and both my sister and I bullied her in to getting it checked out.
We all tried to assure each other it was probably nothing to worry about but it was safer to just be sure. And as examinations turned in to further testing, further examining we all grew nervous for the results.
And finally, the day came where she and I went to the Breast Cancer clinic to get the final results. It was nerve-wracking and scary and I’d spent over a week doing daily prayer devotions as well as asking everybody that I know to say prayers for the results. My Mum went in to receive her results and I was left in the waiting room reciting a Divine Mercy Rosary under my breath. A nurse came out and waved me in to the room and after some confusion, I followed her.
The first thing I noticed was the breast cancer kit sitting on the examination bed. I looked warily from my Mum to the nurse as our fears were confirmed. Both my Mum and I, we are certainly not criers. We both enjoy finding sick humour in difficult times — but I cried. I burst in to tears.
It was surreal, awful, scary… Didn’t seem fair.
Isn’t fair.
Once we had the information and began giving everyone the news, we got the same responses; “Oh I know someone who had breast cancer…” and even dismissive responses, “Don’t worry, usually everyone who gets breast cancer comes out fine.” Thanks for telling both my Mum and I not to worry about having cancer. That’s helpful. (Insert eyeroll here).
I was pleasantly surprised by the goodness in people who are near-strangers, and not so pleasantly surprised by others who I expected compassion from — but that’s always the thing about hard times, isn’t it? You seem to figure out who your true friends are. Thankfully, the responses and support have been far better than not, so I can’t really complain.
On August 30th, Mum had a lumpectomy where the tumor (carcinoma) was removed from her left breast. It was 2.3cm which is apparently considered to be on the larger side. The surgeon removed all of the cancer and one lymph node which was apparently okay. Her other test results; bone scans, CT scans – they all came back clear.
Because of the size of the cancer and the form of the cancer, it has been decided that my Mum will benefit from chemotherapy. Initially, we believed that she would just endure radiation therapy and that would be the end of this ordeal, but 2 weeks ago we were given different news.
Chemotherapy sounds scary. It makes all the dismissive comments seem rude, and it makes us all feel just that little bit more frightened of the initial breast cancer diagnosis. Still, Mum and our friends and family continue to make light of the situation. Its the best we can do with such a horrible journey ahead of us.
She’s going to have 6 rounds of chemotherapy over a span of 21 days each round.
After the chemotherapy the 42% chance of the cancer returning will be halved.
After the chemotherapy my Mum will endure 5 days of radiation therapy for 6 weeks straight. Though, in comparison to the chemotherapy this seems like cake.
After the radiation therapy, she the 21% chance of the cancer returning will be halved yet again.
Update>>>
And that is where we are at right now. I will probably spend a lot of time blogging about this in the coming months. What our experiences are like, how we are feeling and how she is traveling. And maybe even photos of us being complete sickos and making a joke of this awful situation.
As the saying goes, if you don’t laugh, you cry. And we hate crying.
Currently, personally I feel okay – rich to say that when you’re not the person on the receiving end of the chemotherapy treatment. I consider my Mum to be my best friend — and I know that sounds cliched, but its true. So whatever I’m feeling I know she is feeling tenfold. I'm only 29, I can't have anything happening to my Mum...
Last week I was sad. I had a hard week and every time I relaxed, the thought of my Mum going through chemo kept coming back and smacking me in the head. Similar to how my Mum described first learning about having cancer. At times when I share how its going with people, I get frustrated because nobody is saying ‘the right thing’. Though, that’s not anybody’s fault, because realistically, there is no ‘right thing’ for anyone to say. There is not one sentence that anyone can say that will take away the weight of what my Mum and my family are going through. There is not one sentence that will be able to make us feel like everything is fine; well not a realistic sentence at that.
I’m finding my patience not particularly boding well with people who are constantly complaining about the motions of life. While its not anyone elses fault my Mum and my family are going through this, it feels hurtful at times to hear that people’s worlds are still spinning with very little regard for the fact that ours has stopped for the moment.
Sounds ridiculous, and I’m aware of that. But, I don’t really feel guilty for the motions that I’m going through and I can only imagine that my Mum would feel similarly and that my sister and brother feel the same.
I’m hopeful and faithful that everything will be okay by the end of her treatment. I hope that time passes very quickly and she will be done with the chemotherapy fast and that she will experience very little side-effects if any at all.
So it begins next week, and I will continue blogging about what is in store over the months and how its all going. I will apologise in advance for perhaps more heart-felt and whiny posts, for angry posts and for bitter posts, but since I hate crying and carrying on; this will probably be my outlet.
Thanks everyone who is reading this...
>>>> WRITTEN October 01, 2012.
Comments
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Hey C C K
Lovely to hear from you but sad to know you and your family have joined the bumpy roller coaster ride.
I was the same age as your mum when diagnosed nealy 12 months ago now and my daughter the same age as yourself at the time. It did hit us, my hubby and all the rest of our families very hard. To top it off my daughter had also found a lump about the same time I was diagnosed but she didn't tell me because she didn't want to worry me at the time. She had an ultrasound and has been told it is hormonal but I will make sure she keeps a good check on it. She is now 7 months pregnant so her mind is on other things and so are mine. Hearing the news she was expecting was the best possible incentive for me to get well that anyone could ask for. PS: I not telling you to go out and get pregnant by the way hee hee.
I hear what you say about people saying "the wrong thing or maybe just not saying the right thing" BUT at a time like this it is very hard to find the right words to make someone feel better about the whole thing cause that is impossible to find the words to make it all better..
My daughter came to all my appointments, my chemo's and she saw me through a number of rough times after my chemo's. She was my rock and I was and I am very proud of her which I am sure your mum is extremely proud of you. It is good to hear that you will be there for your mum like my daughter was for me.
This site is a great site for venting at any time you need to either for yourself or for your mum. We will be here to lend an ear (so to speak :-).
Wishing your mum a nice smooth road on her journey and I know it feels like this time will never end but it will. Just a shame that any of us have to travel the BC road.
Good luck to you and your family.
Mich xoxo
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Hi Adean,
Thanks for your lovely message. I am learning that support is the main thing that's important. My Mum is married too, but not really sure how he's dealing. I am currently living with them... he doesn't say too much and is trying to be 'business as usual' which is frustrating for me as much as it is for my Mum, I'm sure.
I wrote that entry on october 1, and since then we have just finished the second round of chemo. My Mum is a tough nut, but its really knocking her about... I shaved her head last tuesday night (think it was more traumatic for me than it was for her) and actually she looks a lot cooler than we expected!
I am glad you have such lovely caring daughters -- the more support around the easier I bet it makes things for you. Personally, I cannot begin to imagine what it must feel like inside -- some days for me are a lot harder than others and I'm not the one its actually happening to.
I wish you a very happy and quick recovery from everything that you are going thru! x0 -
Hi Mich,
I love reading other peoples stories (not because I love to hear about people's pain, but because it makes me realise I'm definitely not as alone as I feel!) and again, I'm glad you have such a wonderful family with you through it. I honestly couldn't or wouldn't be anywhere else right now. I feel guilty at this point for even going to work and being away from Mum. She just finished her second round of chemo and is feeling pretty awful, but this afternoon she came good. I think losing her taste for things is driving her nuts. She seems to have these insatiable cravings because nothing tastes as she wants it too. She tells me how much she craves an ice cold coca cola, but each time she takes a sip she complains that its like "pesticide" lol.
I think my frustrations about the "right" thing is not aimed at any particular person, but I suppose more with the fact that there is no single "right thing" that anyone could say that could take the weight away from what is going on. Also, I've found out how good my "good" friends are and how hopeless the people that I thought I could rely on are.
For me, personally I am living away from all of my friends and family (besides my Mum) as they are all in NSW and I'm in Victoria therefore besides a few older ladies I know from my church, I have no real supportive network here -- and in the really bad days I am doing it entirely alone. My boyfriend is lovely, but like most men he lacks the communication skills to know how to really respond in, again, "the right way" also, he works interstate during the week so I only see him weekends and that feels like its my only escape at this point...
My Mums husband is a bit disappointing, but I just don't think he knows how to react exactly, which is frustrating for all, and maybe even for him too... but I'm feeling currently like everything is falling upon my shoulders and it gets a bit lonely. My Mum and I don't "do" crying very often and certainly not in front of one another (haha aahhhh acid tearsss!) so it all can get overwhelming from time-to-time.Also -- since you had chemo, heres a question -- I shaved her head at her request the same night of her second round of treatment because it was coming out in clumps. I did it with a pair of clippers but she still has the little stubs of hair (like a crew cut) and its bothering her, and we haven't found a successful way to get rid of it. Any suggestions? We did use the fluff removal sticky roller thing today and it worked (much to our amusement) to a certain degree, but shes complaining about it a lot.
Thank you for your lovely message. Sad that we have to go down this road, any of us, for your daughters, husband, family and esp for you... I wish you all the best too. Thanks for your support.
With love,
Jess0 -
Hey Jess
I did a really very naughty thing when my prickles on my head were driving me crazy and I used a normal razor shaver on my head. It helped very much but I am not suggesting your mum do this.
Do you have a good/nice barber in the area that would be able to do this for your mum. How do bald guys go about getting there head as smooth as a babies bottom I wonder? I would suggest your local barber for some help.
I had a number 3 done and it just wasn't enough to get rid of the stubble so I went to extreme lengths to get rid of mine. We are told not to do this in case you cut yourself and then there is the chance of infection.
I am so sorry to hear your mum is struggling with the chemo and no taste buds because that is a tough one to deal with. I know there is lots of posts on here about things dealing with all the side effects of chemo so maybe they might give you some suggestions.
This is a great site for getting heaps of info to help your mum.
In regards to the males that are trying to deal with your mums journey, try and remember they are males so live on a different planet to us hee hee. They try to deal with it the only way they know how and for us ladies that is not always quite how we would like them to. I do know from my own experience that it is tough for the person going through BC but it is just as tough if not tougher for the people who have to watch her go through it as you know from your own experience. I am sure her partner is dealing with a tough situation the best way he knows how. BC can either make a relationship stronger or tear it apart so I hope it works out okay for your mum and she can talk with her partner and tell him how she is feeling.
Hope you have luck with finding a good barber.
Wishing your mum some better feeling days and less yukky ones and sending you the strength to help her get through them. Stay strong for your mum kiddo. You are a good daughter.
LOL, Mich xoxo
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Hi Jess,
I am a 59yr old Mom with 2 sons and a 30yr old daughter who was pregnant (with complications) when I was diagnosed so I decided not to tell her. To cut a long story short I ended up telling her before my surgery and she did not go into premature labour and was angry for me not wanting to tell her. Although she is in Adelaide she has been a great support with encouragement, prayers, etc. You are doing a wonderful job, don't be afraid to live your life as in work and having fun, your Mom wants you to be happy.
I had to chuckle at your Mum's reaction to losing her taste buds. For me that was "the pits" as they say. My hubby and I laughed about it also and I even suggested that I just eat paper instead of the crispy bread roll I was craving He He He
Regarding people's reactions be gentle with them. Some just don't know what to say or do so they retreat; I found taking the first step sometimes re-established communication with these people.
Have you got a "My Journey" kit for your Mum yet? If not, send away for one for her see details on the Home page. In it, I think, is a CD made especially for the husband/partner ~ my husband found it really good. Ann0 -
Hi Jess,
I am a 59yr old Mom with 2 sons and a 30yr old daughter who was pregnant (with complications) when I was diagnosed so I decided not to tell her. To cut a long story short I ended up telling her before my surgery and she did not go into premature labour and was angry for me not wanting to tell her. Although she is in Adelaide she has been a great support with encouragement, prayers, etc. You are doing a wonderful job, don't be afraid to live your life as in work and having fun, your Mom wants you to be happy.
I had to chuckle at your Mum's reaction to losing her taste buds. For me that was "the pits" as they say. My hubby and I laughed about it also and I even suggested that I just eat paper instead of the crispy bread roll I was craving He He He
Regarding people's reactions be gentle with them. Some just don't know what to say or do so they retreat; I found taking the first step sometimes re-established communication with these people.
Have you got a "My Journey" kit for your Mum yet? If not, send away for one for her see details on the Home page. In it, I think, is a CD made especially for the husband/partner ~ my husband found it really good. Ann0
