Happy 11th Birthday
Dear Micky, Yesterday you turned 11! Woohoo another one - only 2 more and you are a teenager.
You were peeved off you had sports day on your birthday (you hate sports - or more likely you hate the sports teacher - don't a lot of us non-sporty types?) but you were overjoyed when I picked you up that your house had won the day! An omen perhaps? Lucky charm?
Another year and I'm still here - I still revel in the ordinary. I still got to make you a birthday cake (chocolate fudge no less with chocolate fondant icing - do I have a chocoholic for a daughter - yes!) Another year to celebrate with you, however, another year for us to cry about mummy still having to deal with cancer. Your eyes were red on Thursday when I picked you up and you told me the science discussion about cells turned to cancer and you couldn't handle it - you didn't want to hear the class talk about cancer, you hate to think about it, you only want to hear about it if I can say the medicine is working - that I am brave and strong and taking medicine to keep me well but you hate cancer.
Well, so do I as you know but we are stuck with it and now we have a choice - do we sit there and hate it and tell it where to go and get angry and cry and stamp our feet forever more? (i've already done that and it didn't achieve much) or can we accept it, learn from it, see it as a teacher and become better because of it? I think we can, maybe it is to teach us lessons that this is our lot in life? Why do I eat the way I do? Why do I exercise? Why do I juice? Why do I have accupuncture? Why do I go to chemo? All I do is to be well, to heal, to give my body the best chance of the miracle and if not the best chance at living with this - that's why.
So, we are going to have a chat to the class about cancer, about my cancer and maybe they'll be a little step closer to understanding why sometimes you are a little emotionally fragile, why we all walk on eggshells at times. Next week is scan week - we will find out if the new trial drug is doing anything - stable is what we need.
It's been a great year - fantastic Christmas, a trip to Italy, great birthday parties, lots of love. (It's included for me - continuous chemo - apart from the break in Italy - onto the 4th type now in 20months, lots of learning and growing and accepting) - so I'm happy to bring on another my sweet girl - I'll do all it takes and more, just to be by your side.
I've told you before, we are forever connected. Bonded way before your eyes connected with mine the instant I held your slippery body in my arms, bonded beyond whatever this life my bring and beyond.
Love you "infinity much"!
Mum xxxxxxx
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Just beautiful xxx
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Just beautiful xxx
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