Who me ?
"Come back for another scan, there's a grey area"
That was just over 4 weeks ago, and I thought "who, me ?" I was so sure it was just a bruise from when I had fallen some weeks before, and then they started scanning in a different spot . . .
*It's very small" "we've caught it early " "you'll be fine"
There's a little part of my head that just won't let me believe those things right now.
I have a wonderful surgeon who has done the wide excision and the sentinel node biopsy (results next Tuesday) and a fabulous support network including my family, my collegues at work and my old Nursing Mothers group - we've been friends forever, nearly 30 years, and their love is astounding.
I am talking positively to myself every day, filling myself with good thoughts, moving forward. Everything so far has been very smooth, and fast. But that fear of the unknown is inescapable in the middle of the night - what if it is already somewhere else ? Is my slightly upset tummy just nerves, or something sinister ? How do I know that my aching legs are just menopausal ? How will I stop myself from bombarding my doctor wih requests for cancer scans on every part of my body ?
How do you cope with that ? Can anyone offer any thoughts ?
Comments
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So sorry to hear you are going through this awful bc thing but good you've found this site.Your stomach is turning cartwheels from anxiety,that I can assure you.The waiting is the cruelist part and no amount of worrying will alter Tuesday's results.Write down all your questions for your doctor and then keep really busy and distracted ALL weekend.We have all been in that dark place where you are now.Once you know the plan you will feel much better.Hope you get clear margins and nodes.Let us know how you go.
Tonya xx
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So sorry to hear you are going through this awful bc thing but good you've found this site.Your stomach is turning cartwheels from anxiety,that I can assure you.The waiting is the cruelist part and no amount of worrying will alter Tuesday's results.Write down all your questions for your doctor and then keep really busy and distracted ALL weekend.We have all been in that dark place where you are now.Once you know the plan you will feel much better.Hope you get clear margins and nodes.Let us know how you go.
Tonya xx
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Thanks for that fast reply, really helped. I have lots to do this weekend so hopefully it'll be tuesday before I know it.
I will let you know. It IS going to be CLEAR !!!
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Hi Magicmum
Yes, we have all been through the wait. As Tonya has said, all the symptoms are just nerves. Just try and relax and whatever the outcome, you know that the plan is there to make you better.
Please let us know how you go and our thoughts are with you on Tuesday
Love Julie XX
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Hi Magicmum
Yes, we have all been through the wait. As Tonya has said, all the symptoms are just nerves. Just try and relax and whatever the outcome, you know that the plan is there to make you better.
Please let us know how you go and our thoughts are with you on Tuesday
Love Julie XX
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If your nodes are clear it should be isolated and no need for further scans but you take what it is and deal with it as best you can.
Ask your Dr. all the questions you want about anything and everything, have a list and make more as you go , you are paying their wages by the way, whether be private or public they are on your dime so to speak.
Your friends sound great, I still have a group of girls from 32yrs ago at high school we meet weekly and they have been my strength, hubby and daughter are great but you don't like to worry them so it's the girls or here and here is open anytime, lol.
Regards,
Cheryl D
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2 weeks ago I had my last treatment of 6 months of chemo. Whilst I am so glad it's behind me I am not ready to celebrate. I am still very weak and weary and my muscles are constantly aching, sometimes stiff. The doc said on Thu I was doing 'well' after I told her all this. (I have a different definition for well!) Also she said that this pain and fatigue will continue for another 3-4 weeks. I start 30 days of radiation on mon. I wonder when my hair will start growing back and when will the muscle pain ease and when do my taste buds come back 100%. Is there a general answer or does the time frame differ for every one?
Having said all this I am trying to focus on the good in my life not just the hard stuff. There has been quite a few things to grieve over so far but plenty more blessings to be thankful for. I'm even grateful for a cozy bed to rest in!0 -
12 hours to go and I'll know if I have lymph involvement. I thought I was all settled and ready to go forward with either "yes" or "no" - but right now I just want it all to go away. That's normal, right ? It's only been a bit over 3 weeks but it feels like forever. I read all your posts and how much people are surviving through and feel pathetic for being such a wimp. How in the hell am I going to make it through more than this ?
Gotta be just a bad patch - middle of the night stuff. It'll all look better in the morning.Sorry.
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12 hours to go and I'll know if I have lymph involvement. I thought I was all settled and ready to go forward with either "yes" or "no" - but right now I just want it all to go away. That's normal, right ? It's only been a bit over 3 weeks but it feels like forever. I read all your posts and how much people are surviving through and feel pathetic for being such a wimp. How in the hell am I going to make it through more than this ?
Gotta be just a bad patch - middle of the night stuff. It'll all look better in the morning.Sorry.
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Magicmum.... no need to apologise..that's what we are here for.. to support each other through this thing that we all have in common. We're been there... and you get through it. The waiting is the hardest.. as are the nights when our brains just wont shut off..
How do you stop yourself from asking your doctor for cancer scans on every part of your body? Don't - ask him. He may even offer just to put your mind at ease... Tell him how anxious you are... but again be assured in my experience they test.. test and test again.... just ask what they are for and go with the flow (easy for me to say now... I spent my first six weeks curled up on an anxiety ball, second guessing everything) But as others have said once you have your treatment plan and start on it things settle down.
take care and be assured there are people out here thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Trina
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Hi magic mum,
The waiting is horrible for sure but there is also a sense of relief to have the answer and then know what to expect. I think the fear of the unknown is hardest. Having said that in my journey I fluctuate between telling myself " I can do this" to crumbling into tears over everything! I think this is normal even tho I feel abnormal at times. A journey like this threatens our need to be in control of our lives. Most of the health stuff is out of our control but I have found it helpful to take charge of what I can. Even doing a household chore feels like an achievement. As does Taking care of some of my kids needs. The most stabilizing thing for me in this journey is my relationship with God. I find the Bible a great comfort as it reminds me I am not alone in the suffering and there is a purpose in everything.
I have been trying to daily find something to be thankful for. One thing we can all be grateful for is how advanced and accessible modern medicine is today.
Im sure you will make it through just one speed hump at a time. I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve over the heartache of it all. That's just as important as trying to be positive as you can too.
Wishing you all the best,
Anna-Marie0 -
Thanks ladies, I am trying. Floundering right now but as you say once I know what's what I reckon it will be better.
Chin is up this morning. Only 4 hours to go now.
Keitha
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Is this what it feels like to win a lottery ? I think so.
Clear nodes, clear margins on my 9mm tumour. E & P + and just waiting till Wed next for HER2 status. My wounds are healing well, just a bit lumpy and bruised of course.
I wept with relief, my husband was confused ! Says he can't understand women crying when they are happy ! I haven't cried for 3 weeks, it just overflowed. I know there is a long road ahead - but it has a map now, and a destination of sorts. And I know it may return. But I'm a winner today, so I can be a winner again. I feel so lightheaded, I feel so fortunate. I LOVE my surgeon. He did say that he just couldn't take credit for the pathology ! But I told him that he should for the lovely surgical job.
Wow!
I will be back again SOON with a MILLION questions about radiation and, possibly, drugs if I am prescribed for the HER2 status. I know that you will have the answers for me.
Thank you all for the lifeline, the companionship, the sense of community. What a wondeful thing the Net is !
loads of love and joy
Keitha
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Don't be sorry. Its all normal to feel the way your are.
Yes, night time and 3am in the morning, does make you think of the most silliest things.
We are all keeping our fingers and toes crossed for you.
take care Love Julie XX
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Hi Keitha
Thats fantastic news. Yes, now you will know what needs to be done.
Keep posting away.
Happy days for you. Love Julie XX
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