Today was D Day

MelV83

Hey all,

So today I have gotten from my GP a preliminary result of stage 2 IDC involving the lymph nodes. HER negative and hormone receptor positive. Still need to do more tests to see if it’s spread. 

I felt something was wrong about a month ago and had developed a lump under my arm. I had a breast exam by the GP who thought it might be an abscess but wanted to rule out any other issues, since I’m only 41 and had never had a mammogram. I’ve felt a bit under the weather for about the same time but put it down to work stress since I’m a high school teacher. 

Emotionally though I think so far I’m taking it well, although I might be compartmentalising until I get the next set of results. The only thing I’ve struggled with is the emotional reactions of others- one of my siblings has been a godsend but the other managed to turn my telling her about my cancer her retelling every scare she’s ever had. 

However as a single parent with previous DV and high conflict I’m worrying about my ex finding out. I need to tell my kids (14 and 12) but keeping the news away from social media is definitely something I need to do because even though my profile is locked down he has found out stuff I didn’t want him to know before, and this is bigger news than that. 

I guess that’s all for me atm- reaching out and seeking support is something I want to do earlier rather than later.

arpie

So sorry to see you here, @MelV83 ... your world is turned upside down in a millisecond .... Whack up ANY question here that you need an answer - there are NO silly questions xx. We've all been there - the 'caught in the headlights' reaction to the news ... shocked, stunned, angry, upset - and a mix of all of it!

Where abouts are you? State/city/region - if you add it to your profile, members may be able to point you towards specific support groups nearby.

A BC diagnosis can really muck with your brain too.     If you feel that it is becoming overwhelming, talk to your GP and ask to see a counsellor xx. Family can be funny - and even friends too - you may be surprised who steps up to the plate to support you - and who may 'stay away' xx It has happened to all of us.  Maybe, when you DO tell people, let them know that you'll send an email (or start a blog or even private FB page) where you'll keep them informed every couple of weeks - so you aren't going over it every time AGAIN you talk to people - as it really can be upsetting to you!

Consider listening to the Charlotte Tottman Podcasts on 'What you don't know, til you Do' .... which is her own story, as she is a specialist Breast Cancer Counsellor who was diagnosed herself over 5 years ago.  Her podcasts are REALLY easy to listen to & I am sure that they will help you xx. They are here (listen to Series 1 first):
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html

I've never had kids - but I would think that being relatively truthful with them, but being selective in what you tell them just now - they will probably already have the 'vibe' that 'something' is going on ....  

Have you been assigned a Breast Care Nurse yet?  Maybe you could chat with them about how to break the news to them?  I think you'll find them very supportive of you too xx.  I was very selective on who I told initially ... but, if the kids have contact with your ex, it could put more pressure on them if told not to mention it (things like this often just 'slip out' in conversation ...)  There are also dedicated 'kids sites' to help kids who's Mum has cancer xx
There ARE groups who you can contact who may also be able to help guide you thru this emotional time ... Canteen and Camp Quality are 2 of them ..... I think your kids will fit in the age group for Camp Quality (some groups are age restricted) .... and can involve a weekend away at a camp with other young teens who's parent may have cancer ...
https://www.canteen.org.au/young-people/parent-carer-cancer

https://www.campquality.org.au/how-we-help/services-and-programs/kids-impacted-by-a-carers-cancer-kicc/

https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/when-your-parent-has-cancer.pdf

Some great services mentioned here .... Redkite, Youthbeyondblue, kids helpline and more:
https://www.cancervic.org.au/cancer-information/children-teens-and-young-adults/talking-to-kids-about-cancer/finding-support-and-information.html

You can also ring our helpline here for a chat - 1800 500 258 - during Mon-Fri work hours .... sometimes it helps talking to someone who is removed from your immediate circle xx 

Take plenty of deep breaths, take one day at a time, one hour, if needs be xx.  Try not to get ahead of yourself or think of the 'what ifs' ..... be lead by your Medical Team, who will be doing their best to get the best results for you xx

Check out this thread for lots of info on the forum .... we've even got 'funny bits' if you need a laugh.  
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members#latest

take care and wishing you all the best for your next appointments xx

4rrrt5555

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MelV83

So is it normal to wait over a month for your first appointment with the Breast clinic? I’m in Adelaide. The GP told me I would have one within 2 weeks and after anxiety dialling outpatients and getting someone who was clearly annoyed I called and didn’t “wait my turn” told me that my appointment was on the 19/11, which is over a month away. Should I take it as a good sign, or is that just the way the cookie crumbles- so to speak?

arpie

Hi @MelV83

The 'wait' can vary from town to town, city to city. In an ideal world, it should happen within a couple of weeks .... but in my own case, my lump was discovered in early Oct and, and being regional -  the biopsy wasn't done til after Boxing Day - so it was over a 2 months wait for me just for the biopsy (I got thru Xmas by telling myself it was only a cyst - which is what I had been told when I was in my 20s when I first presented with 'lumpy breasts'.)  Then I got my BC diagnosis on Jan 5th - and I was lucky enough to have my Sentinel Node test & surgery 10 days later, on the surgeon's first & 2nd day back from Xmas holidays.

What 'diagnostic treatment' have you had so far?  Usually it would be a mammogram, followed by an ultrasound which would identify the spot for a biopsy (which then identifies the type of cancer & possibly the stage - tho this is usually all confirmed with the pathology after surgery.) 

It sounds like you've already had a biopsy done as you've indicated that the lymph nodes are involved already - did they biopsy the lump under your arm as well as your breast or at this stage, an assumption, due to the lump under the arm? xx  That is also usually determined wth a Sentinel Node test (to identify which nodes the lymph drains to) & surgery (with pathology on actual nodes removed during surgery to identify if positive to BC.)  

Is this next appointment to see the Surgeon?  If so, I hope you can get in for surgery before Xmas, as it gets incredibly busy from now til Xmas & most surgeons/specialists go on holidays from (this year) probably Dec 20th thru to the middle of Jan (with only emergency surgeons/specialists on call at hospitals.) 

Take plenty deep breaths ... once again, take each day as it comes, each hour if need be ... as there will always be some things that are outside of your control ... In the mean time, keep your mind & body busy!  Try & get out & keep doing things you love doing, with the kids too .... try & keep things as normal as you can for as long as you can xx    Take care

Suki

Hi @MelV83
I was diagnosed in Dec 2023 (with stage 2 Triple Positive) and was desperate to start chemo ASAP, which meant booking appointments before people's Christmas leave kicked in (as noted by Arpie).
I told my breast care nurse that the delay was stressing me out and she advocated for me with some referrals.  I also called up asking if there were any cancellations I could fill.
All the best xx

arpie

Terrific that your BC Nurse kicked in for you and helped get your appointments xx.
Wen my husband was first diagnosed with his cancer, the Surgeon's nurse sat in on all our meetings & arranged all our other appointments for scans etc prior to his surgery ... it was such a help.