Young Mum

Stone90
Stone90 Member Posts: 17 ✭
in Newly diagnosed
Hello everyone, I'm so grateful for this online community. It's been an overwhelming time for me. I was diagnosed on the 23/12/22 and had a really tough two weeks as I was unable to access any support just being to the time of year it was. 

I was breastfeeding my 20 month year old at the time, and didn't feel a lump, but just a weird sensation in my breast at random times during the day. I'm so grateful that my GP took it seriously enough to send me for an US. I have Grade 2 ER+ve, PR +ve 11mm x 4mm in my left breast. I'm 32 years old, and my Mum also has metastatic breast cancer (diagnosed at age 69, now she's 72). That wasn't a fun conversation telling her on Christmas Day.

Reading through other people's experiences it seems that going public can be quite slow. I'm also finding that. It took about 5 weeks from me first going to the GP to getting my diagnosis, and I just found out today that my surgery has been pushed back from the 30th Jan to the 3rd of Feb. I understand things happen, but I had already organised childcare for my week post surgery and a friend was coming to stay to give me a hand. I do now get to drop off my son for his first day of kindy the day before surgery, so that's a bonus. 

I just want to get the treatment started so I can get past this part of life and back to being me.

Does anyone have any advice over caring for 2 kids under 5 whilst on this journey? I'm so worried about not being able to be the Mum I want to be. 
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Comments

  • Tinks
    Tinks Member Posts: 237 ✭
    I’m so sorry to hear your news. looking after yourself and the children will be challenging, and just doing simple things and taking each day as it comes, for example if you need rest it can be a great time for children’s activities around you or near you. 

    Many people will want to help you, this is your time to accept and don’t feel guilty about it! Well it seems overwhelming at the moment, and as the next few weeks roll on things will move through your treatment and you will be able to see that there is a light just a little further away that is shining for you. 

    Surely the surgery will come and go, and you WILL be able to be the mum you want to be. You have found an incredibly supportive network, and it’s just fine to write, ask questions and simply seek support from those of that have have been before you. Lots of love Tinks.
  • jennyss
    jennyss Member Posts: 2,076 ✭
    Dear @Stone90,

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • AllyJay
    AllyJay Member Posts: 957 ✭
    Hi there @Stone90, I'm so sorry you've had to join our club, but welcome. I was 57 (now 64) when I was diagnosed and so had no small children, but I did have a grandson aged 15 months with whom I spent a lot of time, including many sleepovers. I made craft our thing...lots of sticker and colouring and water painting activity. Threading beads, (under very close observation...I counted out twenty and made sure all were accounted for and safely put away). The craft and activity of my local $2 shop had plenty of interesting bits and pieces too, like coloured pipe cleaners (make animal figures, bracelets etc, coloured sticks and wooden spatulas, little pompoms craft glue and so on. He's seven and a half now and has a sister almost four and I'm still the Craft Granny. My son and DIL bought a low kiddies' table and chairs to put next to the sofa and that's where we spent much time as I was very much limited to doing any busy play. Gather your troops and perhaps ask one good organised friend or family member to organise the others. Take any offers of childcare, fetching and carrying, cooking, housework that are offered. Now isn't the time to be the Domestic Goddess doing it all, now is the time to lean on your loved ones and allow them to step up to the plate and shine. Once the ball gets rolling in the public system (after the Christmas exodus of staff), you'll have your days filled with this, that and the next appointment. I wish you the very best for our treatment, and we're all here for you to share, vent or cry...we all get it.
  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,459 ✭
    Hi @Stone90, so sorry you are in this situation. You're right that this online community is great thing. It helped me get through my treatment a couple of years ago. Everyone is supportive and you can ask anything. 

    It is a shame your surgery got pushed back after all your arrangements were put into place. Hopefully you have been able to adjust those with the date change. 

    Will your friend be able to stay with that changed date? Do you have other support?  The surgery will be ok but you will need time to recover. 

    If you can make a few meals ahead of time that's good to do but otherwise take all the help you are offered. This is a time for you do really pur yourself first. That's hard with young children for sure but when help is offered take it. Don't feel guilty. 

    I am sure you are a great mum and you are going to keep being a great mum. Your children know you love them and you are continuing to love them. Love is the most important thing they need.

    One day at a time and just take deep breaths regularly. It helps so much so much with the stress and gives you mini time outs when you are a busy mum. 

    Let us know how you go. Best wishes to you 💐


  • Stone90
    Stone90 Member Posts: 17 ✭

    Tinks said:

    I’m so sorry to hear your news. looking after yourself and the children will be challenging, and just doing simple things and taking each day as it comes, for example if you need rest it can be a great time for children’s activities around you or near you. 

    Many people will want to help you, this is your time to accept and don’t feel guilty about it! Well it seems overwhelming at the moment, and as the next few weeks roll on things will move through your treatment and you will be able to see that there is a light just a little further away that is shining for you. 

    Surely the surgery will come and go, and you WILL be able to be the mum you want to be. You have found an incredibly supportive network, and it’s just fine to write, ask questions and simply seek support from those of that have have been before you. Lots of love Tinks.

    Thanks @Tinks for your kind words and support. It was so lovely waking up to all these kind and thoughtful messages. 

    I really do struggle accepting help from other people as I'm normally so independent and the one helping others, but obviously an area I'll have to grow in, and quickly. 
  • Stone90
    Stone90 Member Posts: 17 ✭
    Thanks @AllyJay for your kind words and support! And also for your practical ideas. I love how engaged you were able to remain with your grandchild whilst undergoing treatment. All the best to you and your family <3
  • Stone90
    Stone90 Member Posts: 17 ✭
    Thanks @Cath62 and @jennyss for your kind words and support. This truly is a wonderful community. So grateful for it. 
  • Julez1958
    Julez1958 Member Posts: 1,247 ✭
    Hi @Stone90
    My heart goes out to you having to go through this with two young children.
    I was 62 when diagnosed so didn’t have small children to deal with and had a retired husband at home to help which I definately needed.
    you will definately need help following the surgery and other treatment .
    People will offer to help and in an ideal world you would allocate someone ( close relative or friend) to co ordinate this.
    Some simple things before the surgery is to freeze some meals and do a big shop.
    But the big thing is you will need “ boots on the ground” for a few weeks after the surgery and people yo babysit when you have the ( many) Medical appointments.
    Also worth joining the young persons private group on here - call the helpline if you need assistance there.
    Take care🌺

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