Positive attitude
pinkhope
Member Posts: 12 ✭
Hi All. Before I was hit by cancer, I did take a pride in my positive attitude to things. Since the diagnosis, I have been through several ups and downs, but honestly mostly feeling down. I do try to keep busy and meditate but many at times negative thoughts have been overpowering. Any advise or experiences please?
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Comments
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Feeling down when something horrible happens to you is OK. It's a natural reaction to stress grief and loss. It can be interesting to just sit 'in' that emotion sometimes, let it wash over you rather than being disappointed because you think you should be 'coping' better.
You are only human and humans get sad.
Talking through your feelings with an independent person can be helpful. Many of us have employed counsellors, of one description or another, to get through particularly rough spots.
Personally, I have found great benefit from doing an emotional download on someone who I then pay to keep their mouth shut. Finding that right person can be a bit of a lottery--some of the practitioners I've come across were complete flakes. Which, oddly, made me feel better in itself.
Hang in there, be kind to yourself and get some professional advice if you feel you are in a rut that you can't get out of. Mxx4 -
Hi @pinkhope, what @Zoffiel said is right. It's normal. Actually what happens physically with surgery and treatment is that we pump out lots of adrenalin to get through it all and as they say what goes up must also come down. It is a natural process. The trick now is to get past the really down stuff.
I agree seeing a counsellor can help. Mindfulness practice can help too. I walked every day and practiced mindfulness and meditation. Sometimes I really had to push myself to get past the negative thinking. The thing is our minds play tricks on us and we need to control those thoughts.
Try not to stay or dwell on the negative. Gratitude rituals work too. There is a little app called Delightful. It's easy and poses 3 questions to answer daily. Practising gratitude has been proven to change how the brain thinks. It changes the neural pathways in the brain. It worked for me and I use it every day. Could be worth a go for you too.
There are a couple of books that helped me, one was called Your Life Matters by Patrea King.
I hope you feel better soon. Best wishes4 -
@pinkhope
It's not unusual to feel up and down given the diagnosis.
Please don't be hard on yourself!
Petrea King is a presenter on ABC Nightlife - worth checking out the book mentioned and/or her podcasts.
Hopefully you will find the coping tools. I found early days that down was there and I allowed myself a little time to wallow and then the ups took over as, for me, Mastectomy was ridding the Cancer and the treatment following was about mopping up any stray cells.
It's a roller-coaster of emotions that dominate over the physical but in time I found it does get better.
I also had experienced caring Breast Surgeon and Oncologist who helped keep the emotions in tact along with their caring Breast care nurses.
Take care
Best wishes3 -
Hi @pinkhope
I always prided myself on my positive attitude and resilience but I fell into a bit of a heap when diagnosed.
I liken it to grieving the death of a loved one - but the death is of your formerly “ bulletproof” self!
I had a couple of sessions with a psychologist who specialised in cancer related distress and it was very helpful.
One of the things she told me was it was ok to cry - I did a LOT of crying in the beginning but hardly any now ( 2 years on).
I also decided to celebrate the good things in my life and try and discard the bad things as much as possible - I have learnt to say “ no” and be a bit selfish.
Exercise is also great both mentally and physically - I am pretty religious about my daily walk and in summer love a dip in the ocean.
Take care 🌺4 -
A counsellor can help. As @Zoffiel says, finding the right one can be a bit tricky. The senior oncology nurse at my day oncology was pretty shrewd and her number one recommendation was spot on. I wasn’t depressed, almost never cried but simply wasn’t sure who I was any more (I had three possibly permanent side effects in rapid order). Should I be ‘taking things easy?’ , looking back didn’t seem useful but what precisely was I looking forward to? A good counsellor ‘got’ me quickly and helped enormously to set me on the path to a less chaotic life (however happy) and, slowly, a way overdue acceptance of my own mortality. Both have made a busy and eventful ten years since diagnosis all the better. The work and the direction is your, the counsellor is the reliable (and discreet) compass.2
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I was an anxious mess the first time I had bc in 2003. I found writing down my feelings in a journal was helpful. You can’t be positive all the time with this crap bc journey. There are more twists and turns than a rollercoaster ride and negative thoughts are part n parcel.It’s when those thoughts persist that you might find it helpful to see a counselor. I found walks in nature and doing art therapy distracted me.5
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Hi All. Thanks for responding to my post and the useful suggestions. I will plan to go down the counselling path. Trying to keep busy with various useful and useless activities.5
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I totally get how you feel! It'll be 2 yrs this April since my diagnosis and I struggle with the anxiety of its return and the possibility of leaving my family. I try to keep busy and the above suggestions of gratitude and mindfulness are something I will try. ❤️2
