Hello. Have had surgery and will start radiotherapy on the 19th June and estrogen blocker for 5 years. Had Asperger's Syndrome and depression already. I'm 53 and after an horrendous life filled with cruelty I thought I would get through this easily as it is not the worst thing that has happened to me. No. I am numb, have developed a hatred for men and spend every day fighting off suicidal thoughts. I know I will get through however I am seeing myself from an out of body sort of sensation where I feel as though someone else has taken over. I feel like an entirely different person and am aware that I am developing some kind of disassociative personality disorder. Autism is exhausting and this on top of it is like being buried alive. I don't want to add to anyone's depression but I really have nothing left to give. I don't know what else to do.
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