Newly diagnosed - Just want to hit the pause button

missK4t

I wish I could rewind the clock and go back to 48 hrs ago when I was blissfully unaware of my diagnosis and still believing that there is no way this could happen to me.  I received the call just over 24 hrs ago that I've been diagnosed with an invasive ductal carcinoma, triple negative. They've graded it as a 2/3. The plan at this stage is that I will have a lumpectomy first and then start chemo.  The kicker to all this was I just had my first baby 8 weeks ago and now have to start weaning her. I only found the lump because I was breastfeeding and thought it was initially mastitis.

I just turned 40 and I'm a single mum and chose to have her using a donor. I'm on Maternity leave and this was supposed to be such a special time for me to bond with her and enjoy this newborn phase. I'm devastated that I now have to start weaning her and freaking out about how I'm going to deal with being a new mum and going through surgery and then chemo. So far my family and friends have been amazing and I know they will be there to support us both throughout it all.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this post, I just needed to have a vent I guess and from reading the other posts, this is a safe space to open up. 

Blossom1961

@missK4t Oh sweetheart, I just want to give you a big hug. This whole BC thing is challenging but at least they have drugs to help now. We have a young womens group on this forum and they will be able to give you some coping mechanisms as I know others have been in a similar situation to you. In the meantime you have a precious bundle to love and cherish to make the time go quicker whilst you are waiting for further appointments. You may feel like lots more venting, so please hop on the forum and go for it. We all do! 

FLClover

Hello @missK4t
Firstly, congratulations on your daughter 🎉♥️. I have a daughter too, and it’s just the most precious thing. My idiot ex ruined my pregnancy with her, but these days I mostly have memories of how wonderful it was to be pregnant with her. Then her birth, one of the happiest days of my life, and feeling special and content since then, no matter what life threw at me. She’s 8 now, and more special than ever. She’s my little helper and bff. Her father put me through hell the last 7 years, even though we’ve been apart since she was 1, and I seriously believe that is the main cause of my breast cancer. However, as hard as it has been, it’s also been beautiful, and that’s what I remember now: the beautiful times and emotions, not the hardship. Life will keep throwing lemons, and we need to keep smacking them back. Or we can take them, put raw sugar on them and eat them, to increase our health. One way or the other, we have two choices, sink or swim. I think you have a lot to swim for at the moment. Triple neg bc is definitely not something you ever want to have to deal with, but it’s dealable. Good news is, heaps of women have survived it. This is a long road to recovery, so take it step by step. Dwelling on the future will get you nowhere except stressville. Focussing on the present, and enjoying as much of your beautiful girl as you can, will keep you in joyville. You have to try and enjoy the moment as much as possible, and treat yourself whenever possible to things you love. The rest will take care of itself with the help of your medical team. Be aware and ask lots of questions to inform yourself of what’s happening, so you can make good decisions about your treatment. But don’t get stuck there. Don’t allow cancer to rule your life, it doesn’t deserve such a privileged role. 

Doing what you did, ie having a child on your own using a SD, is a very brave thing. If you could do that, you can definitely do this too. And please, vent away whenever you need to. We are here to listen and support anytime. 

Good luck darl 🍀🌷♥️

Locksley

Hello @missK4t congratulations on your beautiful daughter.  My daughter has just turned 21 and I fought bc hard for her.  Welcome to the network. There are many many wise ladies here.   Surround yourself with family and friends that will support you.  Ask for help when you need to and rest up when you need too.  Sending you hugs xxx

Sister

If nothing else gives you a reason to keep going, it's your child.  So, firstly, to repeat other comments..."Congratulations"  Bask in the joy of having her.  Secondly, cancer sucks no matter when it hits.  You can still have your amazing bonding time - you may just have to plan it a bit more.  You say that you've got a support group so now will be the time to work out how to use them.  There will be times when you are feeling down and there will be times when you just don't have the energy.  Use your energetic times to be with your daughter.  People will want to help you but make sure that the help that you're getting is what you need.  If someone asks what they can do, have things ready eg. washing, housework, taxi service to the local baby bounce & rhyme - whatever.  No point in a freezer full of food when you really need something else done.

And I'll say it again..."Congratulations" ... you've got this.

MicheleR

Hi @missK4t,

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis but congrats on your lovely daughter. 

Its normal to feel grief for the life you were living. I found my emotions for my family and children very intense after diagnosis and in that way it helps you to be even more grateful for what you have.  You can still enjoy your little family. 

There are some services out there for mothers with young children to help with things like housework which you might lije to investigate. Then youll have more time and energy just for the two of you. Mummys wish is one. You could ask a breast care nurse or a social worker for ideas. 

Hugs
Michele