Things worth remembering

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Afraser
Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
edited March 2021 in Health and wellbeing
Ruth Hunt, in Perth, has published a letter to herself, about the things she would have found valuable to know earlier, before metastatic cancer, It seemed to me a really good list for almost anyone. Her circumstances are very sad, but she has found a way of looking at the best of her life. A link to the full letter is at the top.

https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/perth-woman-with-days-to-live-pens-touching-open-letter-to-her-precancer-self/news-story/af5e4b2fd3a89fa1029f847cc3bfbedb

Ruth’s
letter

Dear Me,

You don’t know this yet but you’re
going to have a rough few years in the future - far earlier than you might
expect.
Don’t worry – as rough as it gets, it turns out
you’re a lot tougher than you thought and you will have a lot more support than
you could imagine.

Getting cancer at 34 will teach you a
few lessons.
Along the way, you’ll have amazing experiences,
so don’t fret it’s not all doom and gloom. 
However, despite all these wonderful
things, at age 34 you will unfortunately be diagnosed with stage 3 triple
negative breast cancer. And, by the time you’re 37, you’ll be diagnosed with
stage 4 terminal breast cancer.

Cancer sucks. The
first time around it’s not the end of the world. The second time around is a
more difficult pill to swallow but, again, it’s not the end of the actual
world.
It will, however, be the end of you in this world - somewhat
prematurely.

Cancer will teach you that you can
still train, go out, dance, sing, cook, love, work, be a sister, girlfriend and
friend.

The main lessons it taught me are
listed below (because what lawyer doesn’t love a good list.

Lesson
one – Ask for help

Mum always tells you the story of how
you were playing with pieces of cloth as a one year old and that you were
getting very frustrated because the cloth wasn’t doing what you wanted but you
wouldn’t let anyone help.
There’s also a great photo of you attempting to
dress yourself as a two-year-old and failing miserably - again refusing help.

Getting cancer will teach you that,
not only is it ok to ask for help, but it will actually make life a lot easier.

Lesson
two – Family is so important

In your twenties you will be so busy
working and training that family gets a little too left behind at times.
You
move to the Eastern States and you are not very good at picking up the phone.
You send birthday presents but they are usually late and when you do come home
it’s for a whirlwind tour.

Cancer will teach you that family is
everything. They will be the ones sitting next to you on the chemo ward, flying
across Australia just to be with you, sending you care packages and flowers. It
will not be workmates.

On top of this, you will find people
who aren’t blood related - but they might as well be.
They
are the friends who call, even after there’s bad news; there will be friends
who support you and love you and accept you, even if you’re a very different person
from the one they met.

Treasure your family and spend as
much time with them as you can.

Lesson
three – Stress less.

I promise you, you won’t be sweating
on the small stuff when you are facing the end of your life.
In
the grand scheme of things, missing a day of work because you have a cold is
fine. It doesn’t matter that you got 69% in an essay instead of 90%, in the
long run no-one looks at your marks.

Working Christmas Eve instead of
spending it with family is a really terrible idea. (You don’t even get paid
more on Christmas Eve!).
Don’t worry if you’re a tiny bit late - no-one
will remember. Same as no-one will remember if you wear the same dress to two
functions with the same people.

Lesson
four – Dogs are awesome

You will make the magical and
terrible mistake of buying a puppy two weeks after getting a double mastectomy.
Magical
because Dougal is the greatest character ever. Terrible because you will
quickly find out that lifting puppies is difficult post-surgery.

But you will learn that sometimes
just cuddling your dog is one of life’s great joys and that, post chemo, having
a nice warm body lie with you is just what you need.

You will get your own dog one day. He
will be all yours - weird and lovely and he will worship the ground you walk
on. He’ll be your only dog ever and he will be wonderful.

Lesson
five – It’s ok to say no

You don’t know it yet but you are
prone to saying yes to everything. This is one of the biggest lessons cancer
will teach you. You will learn that you do not have to always say yes. Often,
there are other people who can do the work.

You will learn that if someone gets a
touch cranky when you say no, that’s not actually your problem, but theirs.
Cancer
will teach you that a lot of people have been taking advantage of your
generosity and kindness for a long time. The earlier you learn to say no, the
better.

Lesson
six – Travel.

Travel as far and as wide as you can.
Don’t worry about taking time off work - it will always be there when you get
home.

As a wide-eyed, borderline fan girl
law student, you and your friends will be dumbfounded when the Hon. Justice
Michael Kirby tells you how he drove across China and Russia in a Kombi when he
was a young lawyer. At the time, you will be so busy applying for law
internships that you can’t fathom the idea of taking that much time away from
your floundering career.
Do it. There are so many places for you to
explore. Go to Africa while you can and yes, Europe is amazing but there are a
lot of different places to explore beyond Europe.

There are so many places to go but,
by the time you’re 34, cancer means you won’t be able to travel anymore.

These are the lessons you will learn. You
will wish that you had known them before getting cancer.

 

Comments

  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,804
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    That post should be ‘stickied’, @Afraser

  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
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    Sorry @arpie , don’t know how to do that - can you help?
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,804
    edited November 2020
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    Only the mods can do it.  @Giovanna_BCNA. @Laura_BCNA
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
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    Many thanks @arpie!
  • Laura_BCNA
    Laura_BCNA Member Posts: 168
    edited November 2020
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    Love this post, I am not sure how to 'stick' a post, @Giovanna_BCNA are you able to help?


  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 954
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    Wonderful post.  Thank you @Afraser
  • Tasia
    Tasia Member Posts: 126
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    A lovely sharing of understanding Ruthʻs ʻat the best of lifeʻ. @Afraser - thank you 
  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899
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    @Afraser - thanks for posting this. Wonderful advice.

  • noosa_blue150
    noosa_blue150 Member Posts: 211
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    Thank you Ruth for your post and @Afraser to reporting it . 
  • ChezaH
    ChezaH Member Posts: 549
    Options

    Afraser said:

    Ruth Hunt, in Perth, has published a letter to herself, about the things she would have found valuable to know earlier, before metastatic cancer, It seemed to me a really good list for almost anyone. Her circumstances are very sad, but she has found a way of looking at the best of her life. A link to the full letter is at the top.

    https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/perth-woman-with-days-to-live-pens-touching-open-letter-to-her-precancer-self/news-story/af5e4b2fd3a89fa1029f847cc3bfbedb

    Ruth’s
    letter

    Dear Me,

    You don’t know this yet but you’re
    going to have a rough few years in the future - far earlier than you might
    expect.
    Don’t worry – as rough as it gets, it turns out
    you’re a lot tougher than you thought and you will have a lot more support than
    you could imagine.

    Getting cancer at 34 will teach you a
    few lessons.
    Along the way, you’ll have amazing experiences,
    so don’t fret it’s not all doom and gloom. 
    However, despite all these wonderful
    things, at age 34 you will unfortunately be diagnosed with stage 3 triple
    negative breast cancer. And, by the time you’re 37, you’ll be diagnosed with
    stage 4 terminal breast cancer.

    Cancer sucks. The
    first time around it’s not the end of the world. The second time around is a
    more difficult pill to swallow but, again, it’s not the end of the actual
    world.
    It will, however, be the end of you in this world - somewhat
    prematurely.

    Cancer will teach you that you can
    still train, go out, dance, sing, cook, love, work, be a sister, girlfriend and
    friend.

    The main lessons it taught me are
    listed below (because what lawyer doesn’t love a good list.

    Lesson
    one – Ask for help

    Mum always tells you the story of how
    you were playing with pieces of cloth as a one year old and that you were
    getting very frustrated because the cloth wasn’t doing what you wanted but you
    wouldn’t let anyone help.
    There’s also a great photo of you attempting to
    dress yourself as a two-year-old and failing miserably - again refusing help.

    Getting cancer will teach you that,
    not only is it ok to ask for help, but it will actually make life a lot easier.

    Lesson
    two – Family is so important

    In your twenties you will be so busy
    working and training that family gets a little too left behind at times.
    You
    move to the Eastern States and you are not very good at picking up the phone.
    You send birthday presents but they are usually late and when you do come home
    it’s for a whirlwind tour.

    Cancer will teach you that family is
    everything. They will be the ones sitting next to you on the chemo ward, flying
    across Australia just to be with you, sending you care packages and flowers. It
    will not be workmates.

    On top of this, you will find people
    who aren’t blood related - but they might as well be.
    They
    are the friends who call, even after there’s bad news; there will be friends
    who support you and love you and accept you, even if you’re a very different person
    from the one they met.

    Treasure your family and spend as
    much time with them as you can.

    Lesson
    three – Stress less.

    I promise you, you won’t be sweating
    on the small stuff when you are facing the end of your life.
    In
    the grand scheme of things, missing a day of work because you have a cold is
    fine. It doesn’t matter that you got 69% in an essay instead of 90%, in the
    long run no-one looks at your marks.

    Working Christmas Eve instead of
    spending it with family is a really terrible idea. (You don’t even get paid
    more on Christmas Eve!).
    Don’t worry if you’re a tiny bit late - no-one
    will remember. Same as no-one will remember if you wear the same dress to two
    functions with the same people.

    Lesson
    four – Dogs are awesome

    You will make the magical and
    terrible mistake of buying a puppy two weeks after getting a double mastectomy.
    Magical
    because Dougal is the greatest character ever. Terrible because you will
    quickly find out that lifting puppies is difficult post-surgery.

    But you will learn that sometimes
    just cuddling your dog is one of life’s great joys and that, post chemo, having
    a nice warm body lie with you is just what you need.

    You will get your own dog one day. He
    will be all yours - weird and lovely and he will worship the ground you walk
    on. He’ll be your only dog ever and he will be wonderful.

    Lesson
    five – It’s ok to say no

    You don’t know it yet but you are
    prone to saying yes to everything. This is one of the biggest lessons cancer
    will teach you. You will learn that you do not have to always say yes. Often,
    there are other people who can do the work.

    You will learn that if someone gets a
    touch cranky when you say no, that’s not actually your problem, but theirs.
    Cancer
    will teach you that a lot of people have been taking advantage of your
    generosity and kindness for a long time. The earlier you learn to say no, the
    better.

    Lesson
    six – Travel.

    Travel as far and as wide as you can.
    Don’t worry about taking time off work - it will always be there when you get
    home.

    As a wide-eyed, borderline fan girl
    law student, you and your friends will be dumbfounded when the Hon. Justice
    Michael Kirby tells you how he drove across China and Russia in a Kombi when he
    was a young lawyer. At the time, you will be so busy applying for law
    internships that you can’t fathom the idea of taking that much time away from
    your floundering career.
    Do it. There are so many places for you to
    explore. Go to Africa while you can and yes, Europe is amazing but there are a
    lot of different places to explore beyond Europe.

    There are so many places to go but,
    by the time you’re 34, cancer means you won’t be able to travel anymore.

    These are the lessons you will learn. You
    will wish that you had known them before getting cancer.

     


    wow is all I can say hugs Cheryl