Ruth’s\nletter
\n\nDear Me,
\n\nYou don’t know this yet but you’re\ngoing to have a rough few years in the future - far earlier than you might\nexpect. Don’t worry – as rough as it gets, it turns out\nyou’re a lot tougher than you thought and you will have a lot more support than\nyou could imagine.
\n\nGetting cancer at 34 will teach you a\nfew lessons. Along the way, you’ll have amazing experiences,\nso don’t fret it’s not all doom and gloom. However, despite all these wonderful\nthings, at age 34 you will unfortunately be diagnosed with stage 3 triple\nnegative breast cancer. And, by the time you’re 37, you’ll be diagnosed with\nstage 4 terminal breast cancer.
\n\nCancer sucks. The\nfirst time around it’s not the end of the world. The second time around is a\nmore difficult pill to swallow but, again, it’s not the end of the actual\nworld. It will, however, be the end of you in this world - somewhat\nprematurely.
\n\nCancer will teach you that you can\nstill train, go out, dance, sing, cook, love, work, be a sister, girlfriend and\nfriend.
\n\nThe main lessons it taught me are\nlisted below (because what lawyer doesn’t love a good list.
\n\nLesson\none – Ask for help
\n\nMum always tells you the story of how\nyou were playing with pieces of cloth as a one year old and that you were\ngetting very frustrated because the cloth wasn’t doing what you wanted but you\nwouldn’t let anyone help. There’s also a great photo of you attempting to\ndress yourself as a two-year-old and failing miserably - again refusing help.
\n\nGetting cancer will teach you that,\nnot only is it ok to ask for help, but it will actually make life a lot easier.
\n\nLesson\ntwo – Family is so important
\n\nIn your twenties you will be so busy\nworking and training that family gets a little too left behind at times. You\nmove to the Eastern States and you are not very good at picking up the phone.\nYou send birthday presents but they are usually late and when you do come home\nit’s for a whirlwind tour.
\n\nCancer will teach you that family is\neverything. They will be the ones sitting next to you on the chemo ward, flying\nacross Australia just to be with you, sending you care packages and flowers. It\nwill not be workmates.
\n\nOn top of this, you will find people\nwho aren’t blood related - but they might as well be. They\nare the friends who call, even after there’s bad news; there will be friends\nwho support you and love you and accept you, even if you’re a very different person\nfrom the one they met.
\n\nTreasure your family and spend as\nmuch time with them as you can.
\n\nLesson\nthree – Stress less.
\n\nI promise you, you won’t be sweating\non the small stuff when you are facing the end of your life. In\nthe grand scheme of things, missing a day of work because you have a cold is\nfine. It doesn’t matter that you got 69% in an essay instead of 90%, in the\nlong run no-one looks at your marks.
\n\nWorking Christmas Eve instead of\nspending it with family is a really terrible idea. (You don’t even get paid\nmore on Christmas Eve!). Don’t worry if you’re a tiny bit late - no-one\nwill remember. Same as no-one will remember if you wear the same dress to two\nfunctions with the same people.
\n\nLesson\nfour – Dogs are awesome
\n\nYou will make the magical and\nterrible mistake of buying a puppy two weeks after getting a double mastectomy. Magical\nbecause Dougal is the greatest character ever. Terrible because you will\nquickly find out that lifting puppies is difficult post-surgery.
\n\nBut you will learn that sometimes\njust cuddling your dog is one of life’s great joys and that, post chemo, having\na nice warm body lie with you is just what you need.
\n\nYou will get your own dog one day. He\nwill be all yours - weird and lovely and he will worship the ground you walk\non. He’ll be your only dog ever and he will be wonderful.
\n\nLesson\nfive – It’s ok to say no
\n\nYou don’t know it yet but you are\nprone to saying yes to everything. This is one of the biggest lessons cancer\nwill teach you. You will learn that you do not have to always say yes. Often,\nthere are other people who can do the work.
\n\nYou will learn that if someone gets a\ntouch cranky when you say no, that’s not actually your problem, but theirs. Cancer\nwill teach you that a lot of people have been taking advantage of your\ngenerosity and kindness for a long time. The earlier you learn to say no, the\nbetter.
\n\nLesson\nsix – Travel.
\n\nTravel as far and as wide as you can.\nDon’t worry about taking time off work - it will always be there when you get\nhome.
\n\nAs a wide-eyed, borderline fan girl\nlaw student, you and your friends will be dumbfounded when the Hon. Justice\nMichael Kirby tells you how he drove across China and Russia in a Kombi when he\nwas a young lawyer. At the time, you will be so busy applying for law\ninternships that you can’t fathom the idea of taking that much time away from\nyour floundering career. Do it. There are so many places for you to\nexplore. Go to Africa while you can and yes, Europe is amazing but there are a\nlot of different places to explore beyond Europe.
\n\nThere are so many places to go but,\nby the time you’re 34, cancer means you won’t be able to travel anymore.
\n\nThese are the lessons you will learn. You\nwill wish that you had known them before getting cancer.
\n\n","kudosSumWeight":8,"postTime":"2020-11-02T17:01:12.000-08:00","images":{"__typename":"AssociatedImageConnection","edges":[],"totalCount":0,"pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null}},"attachments":{"__typename":"AttachmentConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"tags":{"__typename":"TagConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDE","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:coping","text":"coping","time":"2025-03-25T05:01:39.590-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}},{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDI","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:diagnosis","text":"diagnosis","time":"2025-03-25T05:02:06.535-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}},{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDM","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:reflection","text":"reflection","time":"2025-03-25T05:03:51.725-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}}]},"timeToRead":5,"currentRevision":{"__ref":"Revision:revision:218527_1"},"latestVersion":null,"metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":1002},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","canonicalUrl":null,"seoTitle":null,"seoDescription":null,"isEscalated":null,"placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"messagePolicies":{"__typename":"MessagePolicies","canModerateSpamMessage":{"__typename":"PolicyResult","failureReason":{"__typename":"FailureReason","message":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","key":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","args":[]}}},"archivalData":null,"body":"Ruth Hunt, in Perth, has published a letter to herself, about the things she would have found valuable to know earlier, before metastatic cancer, It seemed to me a really good list for almost anyone. Her circumstances are very sad, but she has found a way of looking at the best of her life. A link to the full letter is at the top.
Ruth’s\nletter
\n\nDear Me,
\n\nYou don’t know this yet but you’re\ngoing to have a rough few years in the future - far earlier than you might\nexpect. Don’t worry – as rough as it gets, it turns out\nyou’re a lot tougher than you thought and you will have a lot more support than\nyou could imagine.
\n\nGetting cancer at 34 will teach you a\nfew lessons. Along the way, you’ll have amazing experiences,\nso don’t fret it’s not all doom and gloom. However, despite all these wonderful\nthings, at age 34 you will unfortunately be diagnosed with stage 3 triple\nnegative breast cancer. And, by the time you’re 37, you’ll be diagnosed with\nstage 4 terminal breast cancer.
\n\nCancer sucks. The\nfirst time around it’s not the end of the world. The second time around is a\nmore difficult pill to swallow but, again, it’s not the end of the actual\nworld. It will, however, be the end of you in this world - somewhat\nprematurely.
\n\nCancer will teach you that you can\nstill train, go out, dance, sing, cook, love, work, be a sister, girlfriend and\nfriend.
\n\nThe main lessons it taught me are\nlisted below (because what lawyer doesn’t love a good list.
\n\nLesson\none – Ask for help
\n\nMum always tells you the story of how\nyou were playing with pieces of cloth as a one year old and that you were\ngetting very frustrated because the cloth wasn’t doing what you wanted but you\nwouldn’t let anyone help. There’s also a great photo of you attempting to\ndress yourself as a two-year-old and failing miserably - again refusing help.
\n\nGetting cancer will teach you that,\nnot only is it ok to ask for help, but it will actually make life a lot easier.
\n\nLesson\ntwo – Family is so important
\n\nIn your twenties you will be so busy\nworking and training that family gets a little too left behind at times. You\nmove to the Eastern States and you are not very good at picking up the phone.\nYou send birthday presents but they are usually late and when you do come home\nit’s for a whirlwind tour.
\n\nCancer will teach you that family is\neverything. They will be the ones sitting next to you on the chemo ward, flying\nacross Australia just to be with you, sending you care packages and flowers. It\nwill not be workmates.
\n\nOn top of this, you will find people\nwho aren’t blood related - but they might as well be. They\nare the friends who call, even after there’s bad news; there will be friends\nwho support you and love you and accept you, even if you’re a very different person\nfrom the one they met.
\n\nTreasure your family and spend as\nmuch time with them as you can.
\n\nLesson\nthree – Stress less.
\n\nI promise you, you won’t be sweating\non the small stuff when you are facing the end of your life. In\nthe grand scheme of things, missing a day of work because you have a cold is\nfine. It doesn’t matter that you got 69% in an essay instead of 90%, in the\nlong run no-one looks at your marks.
\n\nWorking Christmas Eve instead of\nspending it with family is a really terrible idea. (You don’t even get paid\nmore on Christmas Eve!). Don’t worry if you’re a tiny bit late - no-one\nwill remember. Same as no-one will remember if you wear the same dress to two\nfunctions with the same people.
\n\nLesson\nfour – Dogs are awesome
\n\nYou will make the magical and\nterrible mistake of buying a puppy two weeks after getting a double mastectomy. Magical\nbecause Dougal is the greatest character ever. Terrible because you will\nquickly find out that lifting puppies is difficult post-surgery.
\n\nBut you will learn that sometimes\njust cuddling your dog is one of life’s great joys and that, post chemo, having\na nice warm body lie with you is just what you need.
\n\nYou will get your own dog one day. He\nwill be all yours - weird and lovely and he will worship the ground you walk\non. He’ll be your only dog ever and he will be wonderful.
\n\nLesson\nfive – It’s ok to say no
\n\nYou don’t know it yet but you are\nprone to saying yes to everything. This is one of the biggest lessons cancer\nwill teach you. You will learn that you do not have to always say yes. Often,\nthere are other people who can do the work.
\n\nYou will learn that if someone gets a\ntouch cranky when you say no, that’s not actually your problem, but theirs. Cancer\nwill teach you that a lot of people have been taking advantage of your\ngenerosity and kindness for a long time. The earlier you learn to say no, the\nbetter.
\n\nLesson\nsix – Travel.
\n\nTravel as far and as wide as you can.\nDon’t worry about taking time off work - it will always be there when you get\nhome.
\n\nAs a wide-eyed, borderline fan girl\nlaw student, you and your friends will be dumbfounded when the Hon. Justice\nMichael Kirby tells you how he drove across China and Russia in a Kombi when he\nwas a young lawyer. At the time, you will be so busy applying for law\ninternships that you can’t fathom the idea of taking that much time away from\nyour floundering career. Do it. There are so many places for you to\nexplore. Go to Africa while you can and yes, Europe is amazing but there are a\nlot of different places to explore beyond Europe.
\n\nThere are so many places to go but,\nby the time you’re 34, cancer means you won’t be able to travel anymore.
\n\nThese are the lessons you will learn. You\nwill wish that you had known them before getting cancer.
\n\n","customFields":[]},"Conversation:conversation:218527":{"__typename":"Conversation","id":"conversation:218527","solved":false,"topic":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:218527"},"lastPostingActivityTime":"2021-01-01T16:21:34.000-08:00","lastPostTime":"2021-01-01T16:21:34.000-08:00","unreadReplyCount":10,"isSubscribed":false},"ModerationData:moderation_data:218527":{"__typename":"ModerationData","id":"moderation_data:218527","status":"APPROVED","rejectReason":null,"isReportedAbuse":false,"rejectUser":null,"rejectTime":null,"rejectActorType":null},"Revision:revision:218527_1":{"__typename":"Revision","id":"revision:218527_1","lastEditTime":"2020-11-02T17:01:12.000-08:00"},"ForumReplyMessage:message:218536":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","id":"message:218536","conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:218527"},"author":{"__ref":"User:user:22797"},"revisionNum":1,"uid":218536,"depth":1,"hasGivenKudo":false,"subscribed":false,"board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:general-lifestyle-and-wellbeing"},"subject":"Re: Things worth remembering","readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"moderationData":{"__ref":"ModerationData:moderation_data:218536"},"parent":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:218527"},"body":"Thank you Ruth for your post and @Afraser to reporting it . ","body@stringLength":"65","rawBody":"Thank you Ruth for your post and @Afraser to reporting it . 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Awesome holiday by the looks of your lovely photos. Welcome back Honey, Trace ????????????
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