Barks34 Member Posts: 39
Does the mental pain for having had breast cancer ever leave. I know I am not coping with having had cancer, having 2 mastectomies, having had chemo, living with the nephropathy pain, having  a very uncomfortable expander in while waiting for the next surgery, having to work full time through all my treatment, being bullied at work because I had days off for treatment, a husband that offers NO support at all and now family issues with my siblings and an aging mother ......... its all too much and people think because my cancer happened in 2018 I am all good and lucky to be alive and while I agree with that the emotional and physical pain is over whelming. I live in country  Vic with no support group near let alone professional. I had a physiologist but she left and I do an another appointment  
next week but I have to start all over again in explaining it. I have no regular doctor as our town only has locum and while they have been good again I have to explain everything ever time  go. I do know if I didn't have children I would no longer be experiencing this constant pain. 


  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423
    Sounds like you need a holiday away from it all even if its for just a long weekend. Any chance of it?
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,247
    @Barks34 ... I don’t think the mental anguish ever really goes completely, but I am only 2 years in myself, so not an authority on the subject.   You’ve had your fair share of surgery, treatment and side effects .... and  being bullied whilst working thru your treatment as well ... is intolerable.  You have done well under difficult circumstances. Xx

     If you are feeling stressed and ‘down’ between your appointments, give the helpline here a call ... 1800500258 and chat with them about copin* mechanisms.

    @Brenda5 mentioned a holiday .... have you contacted the Otis Foundation to see if there is a retreat that you may visit?  Take the kids and have a break in a new area.

    All the best xxx
  • BlackWidow
    BlackWidow Member Posts: 266
    Ditto the comments from @arpie and @Afraser.
    There might be some BCNA member ladies who could assist you.  Are you happy to tell your area ?
    This is a crappy saga for all and for many reasons so do put your hand out for support here.
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Hi @Barks34

    So sorry to hear you are feeling so low.  The drama of diagnosis and treatment is enough to handle without all the other things added in.  A holiday sounds like a plan if you can do it.  On your own might be be best.
    It is unfortunate, but understandable to an extent, that most people think you get treated then you're all better now.  They know no better.  We know that is not how it works. I think we all agree that we are "lucky" to have found the rotten thing when we did and we are greatful of course. It does not, however, mean it is any easier to deal with the fall out that follows.
    Time does make things better but dealing with other outside, stressful influences will make it a very long haul indeed.  Possibly time to cull anybody creating more drain on you than required??????
    Please keep talking on here and definitely call the helpline when you need it.
    Everyone is here for you lovely.  You are not alone.  xoxoxoxoxo
  • Beryl C.
    Beryl C. Member Posts: 270
    edited January 2020
    Please call the BCNA helpline. Stay connected to this forum, you are not alone. Xxxxxxxxx
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    It does get better. At some stage you start to plan ahead and believe there is life after cancer. It takes time though. Continue with the mental health plan option. It will be good to get it out. And blog here. Always someone listening. X
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372
    I'm hearing you, @Barks34 I'm three years out from my recurrence and just starting to get a grip on my life again. It absolutely sucks and I don't think that anyone who hasn't gone through the whole miserable performance has any idea what it can be like.
    Lack of services, and inconsistent access, in regional areas makes everything so much harder. I've got a monster folder that has all my tests, appointments (past and present) and a spread sheet summary of previous treatments and issues in it. It can help to be able to pass that spreadsheet over (providing your health professional has the time to read it) so you don't have to spit the whole shitty narrative out every time you speak to someone new. Hang in there, it does get better, but it's a long haul. Mxx
  • Dory65
    Dory65 Member Posts: 323
    Hi Barks34,
    I just want add that I get it. I suffer from depression/anxiety and take medication (just 20mg per day) which takes the edge off it. I am in the middle of swapping to one that will not mess with Tamoxifen. Traumatic life events can "trigger" depression. In the past, when in crisis (before cancer), I have had cognitive behaviour therapy. My GP made a Mental Health Care Plan which means you get a Medicare rebate for part of the cost. Given your location, maybe you could access a therapist online? Your GP needs to address this ASAP!
  • Dory65
    Dory65 Member Posts: 323
    Hi Barks34,
    Just wondering how you are and whether you have you been able to get some help from your locum or BC Nurse or the BCNA helpline. Thinking of you and wishing you well. :)
  • Barks34
    Barks34 Member Posts: 39
    Thankyou all. I have started using CBD oil that helps my mood but not the pain. Saw professional help today and that also has helped as she has given me “ homework”. I never thought it would be so hard to overcome. I admit I am dealing with far too much so just need to get into a spot where I can start getting over the past. Thankyou all, it made me feel better to know were or had felt the same. I really thought I was going insane. I so want to get off this bloody roller coaster 🎢. Xxxxx
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,247
    Hang in there, @Barks34  -  you'll get thru this tricky bit xx

  • Annie71
    Annie71 Member Posts: 11
    @Barks34  what a rotten time you have been having.  It’s great to hear that CBD oil is helping and that you have some professional help. From the sound of it, what you’re experiencing would push anyone to the edge. As a short term boost, do you have anyone who lifts your spirits when you spend time with them? Any chance you could get some time with that person this week? Any other things that lift your mood that you could fit in, even for 15 minutes? 

     I’m about to have a DMX and reconstruction myself (just booked today for 5/2) and as someone who rides occasional waves of depression / anxiety, I’m struggling to maintain a stable mood. But this won’t last forever. I had a first bout of cancer a couple of decades ago and remember looking back a while after going into remission and thinking it all felt like a bad dream.  It was like that moment you realise a bad headache has lifted! I hope you can have a similar moment very soon. Xox

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Dear @Barks34. It's come as a huge shock to me how difficult it has been to get over my diagnosis. Like you it came on top of, and as part of a series of very difficult events for me and my family. It's taken me out at the knees. I thought I was stronger than I turned out to be. So you're not alone in this by any means. I keep plugging away, and hope that you do the same. My psychologist helps, plus regular exercise, and I'm making small inroads with my self talk and self expectations. Finally being on the right dose of antidepressant was a big step as well. Hang in there. If I can you can! K xox
  • Dory65
    Dory65 Member Posts: 323
    Hi Barks34,
    just checking in with you to see how you are. Hope you are feeling better. I'm halfway through radiotherapy and returning to work tomorrow. Then I have Tamoxifen to grapple with. I transitioned from Lovan to Escitalopram antidepressant (which won't interfere with Tamoxifen). Trying to keep exercising, trying to eat well, trying to reign in my "what if" thinking. Hanging in there!