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Was diagnosed 27th November 2019 I'm in some kind of denial

ElvenwishesElvenwishes Safety Bay, Western AustraliaMember Posts: 9
edited December 2019 in Newly diagnosed
My story actually starts when I had my 2 yearly mammogram which was in October this year. I'm one of those people that when some test needs to be done I do it. This time was no different but deep down I felt odd about it for some strange reason. All the other times I was of a lower weight but this time I was heavier and of course I blame the "fat for everything lol". Anyway went to the appointment the ladies there are awesome and they remember you which is great and non judgemental which made me feel a little better. Ok had the mammogram and went home. 2 weeks later I got a phone call from the Breast Awareness clinic at Fiona Stanley Hospital (in WA) saying that I need to come in for an ultrasound and maybe a biopsy. That is when I went into semi shock... I made the appointment which was on the 26th November. The day came I went to the appointment the staff there were awesome the Dr she was brilliant.
Had another mammogram, then an ultrasound and after a few minutes was called in to have the core biopsy. I thought to myself my poor right breast. When that was all done I made an appointment for the following day.
Couldn't sleep that night so I was up googling core biopsy, ultrasounds whatever I thought of I googled it.
Finally crashed. 
Woke up travelled to the hospital and got there 1 hour early. 
Time of the appointment the Dr called me in and she was so calm and then she told me. The results came back Grade 1 DCIS invasive breast cancer. Up until she mentioned the C word I was calm but then that opened the flood gates and I just broke down.
She reassured me that it has been caught early and the treatment will be surgery, radiotherapy and hormone therapy. I thanked her and made another appointment to see the nurse, surgeon.
When I walked out of the reception the ladies that I saw the day before asked how I went I told them and I just broke down. But we all hugged which made me feel somewhat better.
I got home and told my son. As I am his only living parent (his father died in 1995) this shook him but as he said "Mum you are going to kick this in the ass hard" then I lost it again.
Fast forward to 12th December (yesterday) when I saw my nurse and surgeon. My best friend whom I have know  since we were 5 came with me for support as well as someone to listen in case it went over my head (still in denial here).
The surgeon is a lovely woman she told me what was going to be done and how I have to go the day before I go in to hospital to have some dye injected for the lymph nodes. Also explained the surgery and what options there are. Also about the radiotherapy etc.
I still cannot believe that I actually have breast cancer. How in the space of 2 years from one mammogram to another this happened. I said to the nurse I am blaming it on the fat.. I have to blame it on something.

The only person I have not told is my Mum. My Mum is 96 and I have actually put it off since 27th November but I will tell her next week when I take my son with me and maybe this will mend the bridge that has broken between them. There are in my family my Mum, my Son and myself (my Dad passed away in 2008) so as I said to my friend this has to bring us together or there is no hope.

To say I am not scared would be lying to myself, I am petrified beyond words.
To think that I am a strong person like everyone says I am deep down I am a weak jelly baby.
I am angry.
I want to shout at everyone to back off.
I sometimes want to get in my car and drive far away and forget about this which feels like a nightmare.
I think it is all a bad dream and I will wake up and find all is well.



  • ShakalkerShakalker Tamworth NSWMember Posts: 84
    Sending you a big hug. Just letting you know there is nothing you did or didn’t do that bought this upon you, it doesn’t matter how thin or large you might be, or whether you are very active and fit or a couch potato, that “C” word strikes anyone and almost everyone these days.
    So sorry to see you here, but truly it is the best place for you. There is so much support and good advice here, you are not alone. 
    I hardly go a day without checking in.
    You will get your head around it and you will make sense of it all. It is what it is.

    I Hope all goes well with mum xx

  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 5,149


    The links above will help you get your head around it all - there's a link for DCIS.  Surgery will give a definitive pathology outcome to determine next steps.  Quite often the treatment plan can change slightly, dependent on the pathology results.

    The dye you refer to is for the Sentinel Node Biopsy. 

    It is all overwhelming and there's no defined reason why you or me or anyone else ended up with BC.  Don't belt yourself up over it as it is not your fault!  Most importantly, keep away from Dr Google.  The BCNA website has a wealth of information and there's always someone online and there are others on here from WA.

    Take care
  • SisterSister Adelaide Hills, SAMember Posts: 4,960
    We get it @Elvenwishes The fear is paralysing.  It sounds like you've got some great support there with your son and friend.  As @iserbrown says, try to avoid Dr Google (most of us have been there, too) - remember there's a lot of crap on there and that a lot of the quality info is not necessarily current.  You can do it - one day at time.
  • kezmusckezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Welcome @Elevenwishes,

    There definitely is no room for guilt on this rollercoaster.  You did nothing wrong sweet. Everybody has that scared little rabbit hiding inside even if the exterior appears bullet proof.  That being said, you will surprise yourself at how strong you actually are when your head clears a bit. It may not feel like it now, but you are and you will get this thing done.  

    Unfortunately until the gremlin is out and tested we never know what we are dealing with.  Don't be surprised if the treatment is altered once the pathology is in.  Surgeons should stick to surgery and not advise on the rest of the treatment.  That's for the other specialists to do. So overgoogling without definite answers is another avenue to give you worry that you may not need.  We all do it, even if we know better  ")

    All the best lovely.  Keep talking on here, everybody understands where you're at.  Some of the best information you will get will be from the people who have been there before.

  • arpiearpie Mid North Coast, NSWMember Posts: 6,249
    edited December 2019
    @elevenwishes - We are all so sorry to see you here - hopefully we'll be able to allay some of your fears & give advice & support to help you get thru it.  That is terrific that they found it early - your treatment regime is the same that I had.

    That is terrific that your school buddy and son are so supportive - I hope it goes OK when you tell your mum.  Yep, you'll kick this BC's arse!    It sounds like you may be around my age - mid-late 60s - we are a tough breed!!  You can do this - just whack up any question that you may have and one of us (or the BCNA helpline) should be able to answer it for you.

    Do you have your surgery date?  Once you've had your actual surgery, you will be 'amazed' at how 'different' you feel, knowing the cancer is OUT!  I was even amazed at how small my surgery area was & relatively unscathed ..... tho not everyone is that lucky.

    Yes, it is a massive rollercoaster ride - one day you are fine, the next a screaming heap - that is allowed & expected.  I think we were all in denial initially due to the shock - Why ME?  I am the first in my family to be diagnosed with BC  ..... then comes grief, then acceptance, then we just get on with it!  You need to trust your medical team.  With a bit of luck, you'll get a Breast Care Nurse as your confidant as well - to put questions to as well.  After you get your pathology results (usually a week after the surgery) your surgeon will explain the results & if it may impact your follow up treatment as mentioned above.

    We have some wonderful members in WA who will no doubt jump on soon as they know all the services that will be available to you.  @Annie C    @JJ70

    Are you rural or do you live in Perth or a major town?  If rural, you can claim 'petrol money' and there is a very subsidised accommodation available to BC patients, so you don't have to pay top tourist dollar for motels.

    If anyone says they'll cook some meals up for you (or any other practical advice eg house cleaning etc) just say YES PLEASE!  This will reduce your workload after surgery, as there will be a bit of pain. Make sure you take the pain meds, whether you think you'll need them or not - as once the pain comes on - it is harder to reduce it with oral meds. Better not to let it start!

    Here is a thread that may help you with getting 'stuff' together for the hospital trip ...... a small cushion/pillow is top of the list to support your arm when you sleep, and the next day, to clutch to your chest as you are driven home - as every bump will hurt!  Also ear plugs & eye mask!!

    HIG HUGS coming your way xxx . take care xx
  • Blessed72Blessed72 Member Posts: 16
    Hi @Eleven wishes...sorry to hear of your BC results. Unfortunately, it can happen to anyone regardless of weight, age, etc.

    It is ok to have a cry and feel low but dont stay down. You can beat this! You are stronger than you think.

    I was diagnosed in Aug 2018 with high grade DCIS... I ve had surgery & radiation...

    I am south of the river and happy to catch up for a coffee if you are up to it.

    Hang on in there. Big hugs to you xoxo
  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 5,149
    edited December 2019

    Tagging you as others have tagged but you probably won't see it as it is incorrect spelling

  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 5,149
    Gremlin still in system with @nbsp try @Elvenwishes
  • suburbangirlsuburbangirl Perth, Western AustraliaMember Posts: 123
    Hello @Elvenwishes
    Just wanted to say hi and welcome to this supportive, non judgemental and friendly forum.
    I joined In February this year, after a similar situation to yourself.
    Almost 12 months later I am excited about having reconstructive surgery in Feb 2020, to make my breasts symmetrical and smaller (not to mention pert and upright -woo hoo!)
    Like @Blessed72, I am also in WA, south of the river (Como), and work full time. I would be very happy to meet up for a coffee, if that suited? 
    I can honestly say things get better once you have your treatment plan; a sense of control comes back into your life.
    Wishing you the best xx  
  • jennyssjennyss Western NSWMember Posts: 1,595
    Dear @Elvenwishes

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • ddonddon Member Posts: 348
    Just wanted to send a hug and say I understand your headspace. This is a totally crappy time and kind of surreal, like you’re floating above yourself watching all this. I spent the first month feeling like I would wake up from this nightmare but I never did. Still in it, two surgeries later and about to start chemo and very scared. 
    Take care and I hope things goes well for you xx
  • KarenhappyquilterKarenhappyquilter Member Posts: 242
    It’s a terrible shock to be diagnosed with cancer.  I think the best advice is to take it step by step, day by day, not looking too far ahead.  We discover in time that we are strong and brave.  Its very bad luck to get cancer.  Unfortunately it’s quite common.  Please don’t blame yourself.  No doubt you have lived a decent healthy life.  In time you will adjust.
  • ElvenwishesElvenwishes Safety Bay, Western AustraliaMember Posts: 9
    Blessed72 said:
    Hi @Eleven wishes...sorry to hear of your BC results. Unfortunately, it can happen to anyone regardless of weight, age, etc.

    It is ok to have a cry and feel low but dont stay down. You can beat this! You are stronger than you think.

    I was diagnosed in Aug 2018 with high grade DCIS... I ve had surgery & radiation...

    I am south of the river and happy to catch up for a coffee if you are up to it.

    Hang on in there. Big hugs to you xoxo
    Sorry for the really late reply I am south of the river in Safety Bay and it would be nice to catch up for coffee. I have had my surgery on January 22nd this year was told that after I have my bone density test that I would start radiation therapy. Well I had another mammogram in August and thought this would be the start of getting radiation therapy as yet nothing ... 
  • arpiearpie Mid North Coast, NSWMember Posts: 6,249
    Gosh @Elvenwishes - that seems an awful long wait for your rads!!  Do you have a Breast Care Nurse?  Maybe get them to intercede on your behalf, as it can be quite confronting & emotional to go in to bat for yourself!  :(

    Are you coping OK in yourself?  If not, ask for a referral to see a psychologist or someone you can talk it thru .... they can give you tips on coping mechanisms ..... just keeping really busy seems to work for me!

    How did your elderly Mum cope, once you did tell her?  Is she OK?

    Sending big hugs xx  take care xx

  • ElvenwishesElvenwishes Safety Bay, Western AustraliaMember Posts: 9
    Hi arpie And I am still waiting . I might have to call the clinic later today to get some more info when this is going to happen.
    I have good days and bad days and being a chronic migraine sufferer doesn't help much either...
    My elderly Mum took it well she kind of got a little upset but after I told her it was not going to kill me she was ok she is a tough cookie that is for sure she is only recently telling me I should have gone to the private offices to get the radiation I told her do you have close to $1500 or more, I certainly don't then she was ok.my Mum does not have the patience of a saint at times.
    Sending you big hugs and take care xx xx
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