Welcome @Elevenwishes,
There definitely is no room for guilt on this rollercoaster. You did nothing wrong sweet. Everybody has that scared little rabbit hiding inside even if the exterior appears bullet proof. That being said, you will surprise yourself at how strong you actually are when your head clears a bit. It may not feel like it now, but you are and you will get this thing done.
Unfortunately until the gremlin is out and tested we never know what we are dealing with. Don't be surprised if the treatment is altered once the pathology is in. Surgeons should stick to surgery and not advise on the rest of the treatment. That's for the other specialists to do. So overgoogling without definite answers is another avenue to give you worry that you may not need. We all do it, even if we know better ")
All the best lovely. Keep talking on here, everybody understands where you're at. Some of the best information you will get will be from the people who have been there before.
xoxoxoxoxo
