DCIS and no radiotherapy required (yay!) - but still feeling emotional post-surgery

CGuy16

Hi all you amazing women.

I had a diagnosis of
Intermediate Grade 2 DCIS just before Christmas, and now, three weeks
after breast-conserving surgery, I've had the most fabulous news that I
don't need radiotherapy, and simply to follow up annually for the next
10 years. I am absolutely blessed.

I feel incredibly
grateful and fortunate, as I simply need to focus on the rest of my
recuperation from surgery, and then I'm done.

What
I'm not really understanding is why I feel so emotional about it all. I
couldn't have wished for a better result - and yet I still feel quite
flat and blue, almost as though I'm being 'ungrateful' sometimes
(because the results could have been quite different). I just don't get
it.

My life is a little Topsy-Turvy at
the moment - I had to come back interstate to stay with family for the
surgery - as I've chosen to live a 'gypsy' lifestyle for the last 3
years, so have no fixed address (by choice), but my lovely sister-in-law
has been an absolute godsend to me.

I had to cancel seasonal
work I had planned in Queensland because of the timing of the surgery,
so currently have no work lined up (however I'm sure I'll find something
in the coming months).

And I'm currently choosing to
house-sit here and there, simply to get a little space (as much as I
love my family, I also need 'me-time').

I feel as though I'm being ungrateful, because, compared to even three weeks ago, my life is already better,

So
maybe there's a few things going on outside of my wellness journey, but
I realise - if that's the worst of my problems - then I should just get
over myself.

I just don't know how to shake this flat feeling, whether it's normal for something like DCIS? (especially when compared to what so many other woman have gone / are going through), and whether it's something that will simply go with time?

If anyone else has experienced something similar, I'd love to hear from you

Thanks for listening.

Take care. x

lrb_03

Hi @CGuy16 , and welcome to the club that none of us volunteered to join. Here you'll find a bunch of supportive women and men,  always willing to listen and help. 

I think you'll find we've all felt something similar when we come to the end of active treatment, be that surgery only, as in your case, or the trifecta of treatment as in other situations. No matter which end of the spectrum, you've still heard a form of the words "you have cancer". Your world has been turned on end physically and emotionally, and your focus for recent months has just been to get through, and now, suddenly,  treatment is over. There's no comparing one person's path as harder than another, it's just what we've each had to do to give ourselves the best chance of long term survival. Your "flat" feeling is not uncommon. Give yourself time to heal physically. The emotional scars will take a little longer.

There is always friendship and support here, and there is also the BCNA helpline, whose number, of course, escapes me

Riki_BCNA

Hello and welcome @CGuy16 the emotional toll of DCIS can also be unexpectedly quite high. BCNAs myjourney online tool has information for people with DCIS that you might find helpful
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/resources/my-journey-online-tool/
The BCNA helpline 1800 500 258 is also available for you Monday to Friday with cancer nurses on the phone to speak to for information and support.Take care of you.

kmakm

Hi @CGuy16. It's unexpectedly complex isn't it? Don't discount the impact of knowing your body has 'betrayed' you in a particularly serious way. No matter when it is that you catch a cancer, hearing that word is a shock. It's just not the same as needing say, a knee reconstruction.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Your emotions need time to catch up with what's happened to your body. Take a breather, reconnect with what has meaning for you, be present.

If you find you get stuck in this flatness, you might like to see a counsellor to talk things through.

It's really common to feel the way you do, but it will pass. Big hug, K xox

Sister

You've had a helluva shock and now gone through surgery.  Your world has been turned upside down and your body is not as reliable as you thought it was.  Take some time and space to get your head around this and perhaps try to touch base with a counsellor who understands cancer.

Blossom1961

Hi @CGuy16 I agree with all the above. The shock we receive when part of our bodies turn against us is overwhelming. Unfortunately, feeling flat seems part of the package deal. Big hugs

Sister

That must be what I'm doing right @Blossom1961 - I'm only half flat.  Okay...silly joke...  Seriously @CGuy16 , this crap is a rollercoaster of emotions - sometimes all you can do is hang on.

Justtoomuch

Hey@CGuy16. 5 years ago I had surgery for DCIS. Same as you I didn't need radiation. I was given Tamoxifen and off I went. As some side effects started I turned to the net for answers. There were none. DCIS is called pre-stage here. I had all the same symptoms as any other person on Tamoxifen but like you I felt I had no right to the emotions I had. No matter what stage or number or name your cancer has you have the right to be sad, angry, upset. It is a big deal. Your journey is just that....YOURS.  So be kind and patient with yourself. Allow your mind to take its time to wrap around what has happened. 

CGuy16

How lovely to receive this feedback and some wise and thoughtful words from lrb_03, kmakm, Sister, Blossom1961, Justtoomuch and advice from Riki_BCNA. I'm glad I chose to reach out to a brilliant network of special women.

I guess I'm realising from your comments - that the emotional journey is all part of the gig, and not to underestimate the strength of that.

So, comforted by the support you've wrapped around me, and armed with some newfound knowledge, I'll acknowledge the path ahead and accept the feelings that go with it (rather than fighting it as I think I have been) - hang on to my hat and continue the ride. I'll also try to enlist some help from a counsellor to guide me through.

Thanks again so much, I really appreciate your support.

Hugs to you all!

JulieVT11

@CGuy16 I am similar story to you, diagnosed last November with DCIS and very small tumour.  Had mastectomy and then straight on to tamoxifen.  On one hand I feel so lucky that it was caught so early and I didn’t have chemo or radiation but now 4 months down the track I have been really struggling.  Having a hard time on the tamoxifen as continual hot flushes are just exhausting.  Saw my GP last week and we had a really good chat and it was so good just to get things/feelings off my chest (well lopsided chest).  As the other ladies have said and my GP bottom line is you have had breast cancer and even though physically healed mentally will take some time.  My daughter said to me the other day it’s almost like you need to see someone to debrief with about everything that has happened which is exactly what I’m going to do.  Good luck xxxJulie

CGuy16

JulieVT11
Thanks so much for sharing your story Julie, you've been through so much, and still the journey continues. I agree - that as well as getting over the physical healing, the emotional recovery is so important. 
I'm not even 4 weeks post-surgery yet, so a little more physical healing to go for me.
Like you, as well as 'sharing' and feeling the support from all the  amazing women on this forum, I'm also reaching out and seeing a counsellor to help me along my path forwards.
So, thanks again for your kind words, and wishing you only good things for your future good health and happiness. As a good friend (breast cancer survivor) told me ... this is simply "a lump in the road" which I'll work through and overcome, even better and stronger than before.
Take care. x