Men Who Care

iclay
iclay Member Posts: 12
edited September 2016 in Supporting someone with breast cancer

Hi guys, my name is Clayton and I too have been and will always be a breast cancer carer and supporter.I lost my partner in Jan this year and like the rest of you found that there is no such support for men directly affected by it.A group I have started up in Brissie is Men Who Care,it's more one on one thing.The only phone calls I get are from the wives so I talk to them about their hubbies problems or concerns.So what I do now is I have joined up with a few of the women's support groups so that at least they all know I am out there to help.I hope that this sort of pyramid support may work better for men, in a way that i may help one mate and in time he too will help another. Talk to you all soon..

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  • Di_BCNA
    Di_BCNA Member Posts: 896 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Hi Clayton, thanks so much for joining in, it's great to have you here.  Please jump in anytime and share your experiences with the group, and feel free to pass on the Group's information to anyone you think might be interested.

    ~Di

  • samouatt
    samouatt Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2015

    HI Clayton,

    So sorry to hear that you lost your wife earlier this year.  You are absolutely right, there is a vaccumm of information around being a carer and hopefully we can make a difference (even if it is for one person).  I agree with you of creating a network of people who can help someone else.  After all sometimes you just need to chat to someone who appreciates first hand what you are going through.  Keep doing what you are doing it will make a difference

     

    Simon

  • iclay
    iclay Member Posts: 12
    edited March 2015

    Hi Micky,All I can suggest to you is to be the best you, you can be.And yes she may push you away from time to time but what she is going thru is too hard for words.Just be there for her at all times and if she wants some space let her have it but make sure she knows you are still there.The two of you need to talk more about it and the feelings that you both are having.Communication is the key.She really doesn't want you to go away but these are her fears that she is facing.Her whole world is upside down and all twisted up at the moment,hang in there it's a long road.If you happen to live in Brissie I would be glad to have a coffee sometime so we can chat,but if not we shall just chat on here.Keep me posted on how things are going.You now have a friend to share your thoughts with, Clay

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Hi iclay,

    It is to late, as I write this the relationship has ened, I am devestated and do not know what to do, she keeps talking about her pain all the time and will not talk to me about my feelings and when I try to she just keeps telling me that this is not about me, I know that it is not me going through what she is, but I need to talk to her too, 16 years ago she had breast cancer, I did not know her then and before she found out about this cancer from the time we met she always complained about the pain from having that lump removed, but with all this pain she is driving her car and shopping, but tells me she can not come and see me because of the pain. If we never get back together I need someone to talk to, because I think it is my fault and I could have done things differant, I am just a mess right now. Micky

    PS. I do live in Brisbane

     

     

  • iclay
    iclay Member Posts: 12
    edited March 2015

    Hi again Micky,My mob is 0432956173 give me a txt and we can arrange a time to have a coffee somewhere..Clay

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Clay, will do. Micky

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Clay, will do. Micky

  • Di_BCNA
    Di_BCNA Member Posts: 896 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Hi Micky, so sorry to hear you're having problems, but I'm glad you've found the group.  Please jump in and post or comment any time. Youre very welcome to start a new post if there's something you need or want to get off your chest. The group is just new and everyone is still getting to know each other, so, welcome!

    ~Di

  • Scotty H
    Scotty H Member Posts: 34
    edited March 2015

    Hey Micky.

    When my girlfirend was diagnoised , we had a talk one night and she told me she would understand If i wanted to walk away. It blew me away that she would even think that, but it was her way of dealing with her cancer and not wanting me to get hurt.

    Hang in there , its a rough journey for everyone including partners.

    Cheers Scotty.....

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Di, I am meeting with iclay on Friday so I hope that will help me. Micky

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Scotty, I just wish we could have some type of conversation. Micky

  • Scotty H
    Scotty H Member Posts: 34
    edited March 2015

    Hey Micky ,

    All you can do now ,and its easy for me to say, is let her know your still here for her and that you are willing to go on this journey with her no matter what comes.

    Scotty .....

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    I just did that in a txt, but she is not replying, I think I have lost her for good, I know what she must be going through, but it is the not wanting to be with me that is hurting, she keeps making excusses not to come and see me and for reasons I can not go into here, It is hard for me to go to her, it makes a lot of sence for  her to come here, even if it is just for the day. I am trying to understand this, but I am having trouble, I am meeting with iclay on Friday for coffee, I hope that will help me to understand. Micky

  • Micky
    Micky Member Posts: 15
    edited March 2015

    Hi Dean, thank you, that is our problem I  am trying to spend some time with her, but she will not come to me and for reasons I can not go into on here It is hard for me to go to her, I did call you and left a message, so I hope to talk to you so I can try and understand this. Micky

  • Scotty H
    Scotty H Member Posts: 34
    edited March 2015

    I hope your coffee goes well with iclay, but we are all here for you.

    Chin up

    Scotty.....

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