2 year all-clear, 2 year all-fear.

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InkPetal
InkPetal Member Posts: 499
I've just had my second year check-up scans. It's always going to be so stressful.

I've had a range of worrying new symptoms pop up over the last couple of months while on my Tamoxifen break, so I'm worried something was there and has now domino down my left arm lymph nodes.

Taking a look at my scans, my layman eyes don't see a disaster. There are areas in the ultra that look like masses although to my memory they don't seem to have the blood flow activity to indicate tumors, however on the mammogram they radiate the margins of my crash site (... that's what I call my scar tissue, haha). And as much as I'd like to think hey, it's just age, it's just calcification, there's nothing like it in my other breast to establish that.

I know, I know, the cardinal rule of check-up scans is not to look at them before your consultation but as if have scans of inside my body in my possession and not look? Ha!

I never shook the lethargy. My doctor told me that it's actually a normal thing for cancer survivors to be chronically tired. There are no solutions; work while tired, exercise while tired, eat while tired, struggle to sleep, wake up tired, repeat. And everything always hurts. It's just my normal now to need painkillers to get through the day. 2 years on and my radiotherapy pain still hasn't gone away - and it's not just that it's not gone away, it hasn't "settled" the way I was hoping. It might be that during healing I just got lucky and clumps of nerves got together to make particular movements painful. I hurt every day and I needed to complain about it. It's been so long of waking up with pain and no energy and I don't complain anywhere. Sorry BCNA. You get my worst side.

I've refrained from posting quite a lot and just kept to the activity threads because I feel that my particular forum needs are a form of clutter for those in active treatment. A follow-up/aftercare category/life after category would be nice?
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Comments

  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,411
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    Hi @InkPetal Do they really expect us not to look? Ha, how stupid if they really believe that. I look as soon as I get into the privacy of my car. 
    Please feel free to complain away. Honestly, we get it so let us support you please. Sometimes just knowing someone else understands and talks it through makes all the difference. Sending a huge hug your way
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,576
    edited February 2019
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    Hi Bec @inkpetal lovely to see you here again! Been awhile since I  noticed you on the forum. Hope you're managing better with your studies. 
    Yeah it's a s...tfest but be assured you don't have it all by yourself. We get it! I sure do!
    Hope you're mulling over the post from @riki_bcna obviously happy for your suggestion with a little more input to become a reality

    Take care
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
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    "My doctor told me that it's actually a normal thing for cancer survivors to be chronically tired. There are no solutions; work while tired, exercise while tired, eat while tired, struggle to sleep, wake up tired, repeat. And everything always hurts."

    This is so interesting @InkPetal, what your doctor told you about tiredness and cancer survivors.  I have never heard that before.

    You are describing me with that tiredness list. I know our energy levels drop as we get older but geeze, this is a whole other level and I'm too young to be this tired I reckon!

    Ditto the pain. Every bag I use has a tray of Panadol Osteo tucked in it. My joint pain has now extended into my hips and elbows.

    I remember reading last year @kezmusc's description of negotiating a couple of small steps after getting out of bed in the morning. I couldn't get how it could be so difficult. I get it now.

    I'm persisting with Letrozole, I'm determined, but gosh it's hard. My quality of life is diminished and disappointing. It's impossible for people to understand, other than those who've been, or are there. Please join us more often. It's good to vent with those who get it. Big hug, K xox
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,733
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    Yeah, we All peek, @InkPetal .... shame they don’t include the reports as well tho!  All the best for your results.... once again the waiting sucks.  The pain and inconvenience sucks .... it all sucks!  

    Vent away!!

    The Health Professionals just don’t get it, do they?  What this shitty disease does to us physically and mentally.  I tell them to read Liz O’riordan’s blog ... a BC surgeon who got BC and recurrence, so has been thru the mill too. 
    http://liz.oriordan.co.uk/

    @kmakm .... I like “So Now What ...”
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
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    Oh I would be peeking too.

    I'm always bloody tired. I'm so sick of being tired. I can do an 8 hour work day but need a nap when I'm home do I have enough energy for tea. I struggle with regular exercise during work week as I'm so bloody tired. And for me...it doesn't ever stop. 
    I'm so concerned  about being tired I recently have had bloods to check I wasn't anemic...but no.
    I've now got bilateral shoulder pain which is getting me down and despite ultrasounds etc. I still fear its bloody mets an not bursitis. This particularly worries  me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep of course.
    I'm struggling to keep weight off...which doesn't  help with tirednes.
    But on we go. Survivorship is bloody hard. I'm praying it's just depression or a slump which will pass eventually . I bloody hope so. 
    2 years for me in August last year since chemo endeded. 2 years last month tbat targeted therapy ended. But AI continues. 
  • Cherryripe
    Cherryripe Member Posts: 1
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    Thank you everyone for sharing.  I'm 2.5 years since finishing treatment and never thought I would be so tired post treatment.  I also am grateful I don't have chronic pain that is not manageable with paracetamol.  Hugs to all xx
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374
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    Ah Kath, I suspect you may be a bit more huggy than me. Maybe not much. But sending awkward touchy things anyway.
    @InkPetal there are so many of us who are trying to figure out WFT happens next.





  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
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    @inkpetal and the rest of you lovelies...it's fucked, isn't it?  I'm so tired and tired of feeling a hundred and tired.  (lots of swearing)  Huggy things to all.
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,449
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    Well hello beautiful.... 

    I had this posted onto my facebook page by a friend this morning .... 

    https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/10/176194/life-after-breast-cancer-survivor-story

  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,449
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    @Marianne_BCNA
    @Giovanna_BCNA

    Ladies I am wondering the same thing we need somewhere not just the general discussion board for this  I've refrained from posting quite a lot and just kept to the activity threads because I feel that my particular forum needs are a form of clutter for those in active treatment. A follow-up/aftercare category/life after category would be nice?  there are quite a few ladies who are refraining for saying how they are going after treatment....