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Im alone and dont want to burden others

Megs04 Member Posts: 47
edited January 2019 in Newly diagnosed
Hi all. I was diagnosed Wednesday. Had to tell kids parents and a few friends. had MRI CT Bone scan waiting a week for results. Now have to go xmas shopping. Its exhausting mentally physically and emotionally. when yiu tell people you have to support and manage their stuff too. 
I feel alone. Im single and each morning i wake up and cry. Its really hard to see the point. I was already stressed about money my job and was having some negative thoughts. I get heaps of people survive and to use strategies to manage my mental health but i just feel out of sorts. So reading other posts. I get emotions can be a mess. Im trying to get on with life but my flight fight response is through the roof. Dose any one relate to this or have any ideas. 
Thanks for listening


  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    Hi and Welcome. It is such a difficult time at the beginning. I expect your sleep has been non existant with all this going on too. Yes it's challenging telling family. By day...pretend all will be okay. night ...awake and either googling or just imagining what might happen.

    It's okay not to do it all.
    Just write some lists of essential things you have to do. You need to look after you. 
    If all else fails...hand made gift certificates and going shopping individually with your kids of what they want might be an option. (I recall doing this when broke...a promise of a meal and a movie ...for instance)

    @SoldierCrab you have suggestions.

    This time of year is even harder as the professional support networks available also go on leave. But we are here and will help you as we can. Kath x
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    edited December 2018
    @LisaJHM I thought perhaps you would be a good co-supporter and are just a little ahead for Megs04
  • BlackWidow
    BlackWidow Member Posts: 266
    @Megs04 - Take heed of primek's words !  We have all been where you are and we are still here to tell the story so take a deep breath and stop trying to be perfect.  Thinking of you.  Anne

  • Megs04
    Megs04 Member Posts: 47
    Thanks Anne wise words 😊
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,015
    edited December 2018
    Sorry to see you here, @Megs04 - You are in the right spot for some support and info.  

    Just jump on here for any questions you have to ask & there'll be a bunch of people able to help you out - day and night.

    Sometimes I wake up & watch the dawn - even after a storm, the dawn is such a beautiful thing.  Things WILL get better - it will just take a bit of time.

    Once you see your surgeon & get a plan - things will start slotting into place.  It is a bugger being diagnosed just now with the public holidays & all - a few of us had to wait last year til the surgeons came back from holidays before their first appointment (me included) ....

    Do you have someone to attend your appointments and results with?  A good friend or relative ..... it is always good to have someone there to listen 'on your behalf' as it can be stressful on your own.

    The waiting for results is the ALWAYS the PITS ..... I had a 'new' biopsy yesterday, so am now waiting (alongside you) for results, too  xx  (I am hoping end of next week, but who knows!?)  I am trying not to stress about it too much.  I do this by doing stuff I love doing - playing ukulele or going fishing!  What are your favourite pastimes?  Do you sew, or are you an artist?  Show us your stuff!

    Have you been given the contact of a Breast Cancer Nurse yet?  They can be a wonderful source of information & support as well.

    Emotions are such a weird thing - and the track we are on is a real roller coaster ...... you can be 'on top of it' for 23/7 ... then there is just that one hour that upsets you ..... a good cry is often quite cathartic, so don't stress about it - it is better to let it all out.  Our brains can be our own worst enemy just now - God knows mine's been going in overdrive for the last 3 weeks whilst waiting for my biopsy appointment!  :(    

    You just need to do what is right for YOU right now - and that may not entail going out Xmas shopping!!  Good old cheques may come in handy now - I bet you have some spare Xmas Cards?  (I am 'old tech' - I don't 'do' online banking & stuff!!)

    Take care, we're here to help you get thru the next couple of weeks .... 

    Thinking of you & sending some well deserved hugs xxx

  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,376
    @arpie pleased to read that long awaited appointment has happened.  Best wishes for results
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,376
    It's a so and so waiting for results. A plan will give you some direction but in the meantime you have the distraction of Christmas and good times with family and friends.  It's probably hard to imagine at present but you will get through!  Come on here as often as you need and vent away as we get it and will help you through!
    In the meantime if you are feeling totally stressed by it all then consider making someone in your circle your go to person who may be able to go to appointments with you and be the messenger rather than you repeating to everyone and having to pick up their reactions and deal with them!
    Hopefully the link below to the BCNA website will give you some guidance

    Take care
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,430
    hi Megs04
    I hear you it can be more stressful when we are single. 
    I want to encourage you that I got thru this single with 3 kids at home 2 with special needs. 

    the ladies have all given you some great advice sorry I was offline when PrimeK tagged me earlier. I will be online a bit later just about to go and do dinner. 

    Below are a couple of links to help you find your
    way around the forum and also how to find a breast care nurse and how to order
    a MY journey Kit if you haven't got one yet. 

    It can be a whirlwind when we first get a
    diagnosed.... Breathe and take it one step at a time. 

    How to post on the main forum – use this
    link to get to the main forum and begin a new post.


    Navigating the online community formerly the
    what and how thread.

    Breast Care Nurses 

    My Journey online tool and other resources. 

    My Journey Online Tool resources

    BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258

    you have any questions, concerns or require any further information or support
    please call 1800 500 258. BCNA’s helpline will now be open from 9am-6pm Monday
    to Thursday and 9am to 5pm Fridays

  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    The others have all given you some words of wisdom.  It is hard, particularly at this time of year.  I was in hospital recovering from surgery this time last year.  My advice would be to keep everything as simple and relaxing as possible.  Be honest with those close to you that you can only cope with so much and no more.  Talk to your GP about help with sleep if you can.  Ask someone who you trust to be your conduit to the rest of the world - it can be really exhausting telling people and having to be "on" when they want to talk to you.  Apart from my family and my boss, I only told two close friends, initially, and asked them to spread the word but also to tell people that I did not want to be contacted until I was ready.  Then I started a blog to keep friends, family and colleagues up to speed about my treatment.  I know that you're probably feeling a range of emotions and veering from fog to despair.  It does get easier when you have a plan of treatment.
  • Jenny_BCNA
    Jenny_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 149
    Hi @Megs04, sending you a private message
  • Megs04
    Megs04 Member Posts: 47
    Thank you too Kath. I really appreciate this forum. So glad theres somewhere to journey through this with people that understand 😊
  • Shellshocked2018_
    Shellshocked2018_ Member Posts: 283
    Hi Megs04,Firstly you are not a burden, you are welcomed here with open arms, sending big cyber hugs your way ❤️
    Im so glad you have found us here at this forum.
    I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer late October of this year.
    I hear what you’re saying, the emotions that are running through your body, totally in shock unable to stop crying, the anxiety is through the roof feeling other people’s emotions, this is normal,what you are feeling.
    One thing I can tell you it does get easier, hang in there, take it one day at a time.
    Have you got a good GP, see if you can get something to help,you sleep, you’re able to deal with things a lot better once you have a good night sleep. The days will get better, you will cry less and kick into fight mode.
    Everything gets better once you have a plan in place and the process starts, and you speak to these lovely ladies on this forum.
    Remember you are not alone we are all here to help,you through this journey, some of us are at the start, some of us are a few weeks ahead, some are a lot further ahead and some have been cancer free for years.
    Be kind to yourself, remember one day at a time.
    I find meditation helps me in dealing with the waiting for results.
    Deep breaths we can do this ❤️
    You haven’t mentioned what city you live in as there maybe be someone close to you that can give you information in your area regarding a breast cancer nurse, psychologist etc.
    We are all here for you.
    Hugs and kisses xx
  • Sarnicad
    Sarnicad Member Posts: 318
    @Megs04 this bit, the waiting bit, is the worst. You doubt everything, you feel like you’re out of control - because you are, it’s all a mess. That said it does get better. It will get better when the detailed results start to come in and your medical team start to form a plan for you. The plan leads to control - I found it gave me a little bit of peace of mind well that and a couple of visits with my psychologist and 7 months in to this wicked disease I’m in a much better place

    get on here vent scream rant there’s usually someone around to talk with and all the peeps are the best so many wise ones who have guided me so far and they are all just brilliant
  • Megs04
    Megs04 Member Posts: 47
    Thanks Sarnicad. 
  • Chelley59
    Chelley59 Member Posts: 55
    Megs04...I too am on my own...I have adult children...I can't say I know what you are going through...I don't walk in your shoes but i too ...and I'm sure everyone here often goes to bed thinking about what the future brings...we play these movies in our overactive brain...scenarios ....never good ones....I wake up in the morning and it starts again we have no one to turn over to and talk one to just put their arm around you and say itll be ok....I try to keep busy .... catching up with friends...gardening..Walks with my dogs..but daily it pops back ... when I'm at work i have girls that ask me how I'm going and it gives me the chance to offload...but when I'm on my own....I too get sad and fearful...the ones i really want to talk to and give me a hug are my children....but i can't....i don't want them to know my fears...It is normal that you are feeling like this...its a very scary thing....I was diagnosed in Aug this year with IDC Stage 1 I've had 2 lumpectomies since ...just been called in to drain a seroma to get things sorted for my radiotherapy on 3rd jan.....funny but there are times I feel guilty for feeling the way i feel....I should be grateful...when there are so many girls (and guys) that are so much younger than me with ca much more advanced. I tell myself I'm 60 next year if I get 10 yrs out of this il be happy...and ofcourse if this ca is cured then there is no reason that i won't.....BUT... that little voice pops up and says "hey michele don't trust could already be growing somewhere else"  
    Anyway I hope you get through Christmas with this...i think its even harder this time if year....keep chatting to us may find your fears are just like ours....welcome to the club xxx