How do you tell your family

Chrissieanne

Ive not gone in to detail of my Cancer with my Adult children yet. I have my first appointment today and there all waiting to know more. How do i tell them is Metastatic Cancer 

~Millie~

Hi Chrissieanne, welcome to the forum. I'm sure you'll find a lot of love and support here. My surgeon gave me a book when I was first diagnosed and it had some helpful info on how to tell people. I ended up with a stack of some brochures, books, packs throughout this journey. Maybe you'll get something at your first appointment? Otherwise the Cancer Council has a lot of useful info. Have a browse through their website https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/cancer-information/for-family-and-friends/ I found it helpful to give my husband the books and brochures to also read. He learnt a lot from them that I would never have thought to tell him, and about things he probably would never have thought to ask. Maybe you could get extra copies for your children, or get them to share them around? We also found it easier (and less emotional) to read about the treatment options, details, potential side effects, rather than me trying to explain. Sending you love. xx

wendy55

Hi @Chrissieanne,
So glad you have come to the forum, but very sorry under these circumstances,as your children are adults, this will make it a little easier and I say a little! you mention today is your first appointment, you are going to come away with a lot of information which you will have to process first, as will your partner/husband if you have one, today would not be a good idea, you are going to have to let all that information settle in first, what treatment plan you have and where you go from here, are you planning on telling your family face to face or do they live a long way away?
Please just take a few days to digest everything,Is this your first diagnosis or has the cancer spread and is now metastastic?.
Perhaps you would like to call bcna on their helpline and talk to one of the cancer nurses, they also can send you out the Hope and Hurdles pack, this is an information pack with lots of subjects covered.
I think you need to take in to account each of your children and how they may respond, as millie above has said, givingthem some reading material as well could help, but as they are all individual they are going to react differently also men have a different coping mechanism than women, men just want to fix things!! unfortunately this is one thing that cannot be fixed, they are going to ask lots of questions once the initial shock has worn off and there will be lots of questions and some you may not have the answers to, just take it one step at a time, do you want to sit down with each one individually or tell them as a family group, at the moment you have enough to digest your self.
BCNA has the services of a specialized pyschologist and she will talk to you or a family member in the privacy of your home, no charge and comes highly recommended, maybe not for now but later on, do you have a McGrath Nurse, just google McGrath Foundation and see if there is one in your area, they are a blessing and a great support for you and your family.
My first diagnosis was just Metastatic Breast Cancer and I had to tell my son and the 12 year old grandaughter, that was 5 years ago, and to be honest I really dont remember how I did it, I just sat down with them and explained the disease, we did not talk about a prognosis, I didnt have one then and I dont want one now, it will just do your head in, now is the time to concentrate on you, if family and friends offer help, take it, but in your own time and when it suits you, your whole world has changed and you will have to adapt to new circumstances, but you will, you are strong, stronger than you think.
There are two groups here, Living with metastatic breast cancer and the metastatic group, we are all here to help you navigate this new world, so if you have questions, just ask.
Please take care of your self, everything in moderation, as I said I am 5 years now of living well, and I know that there are several others who are 10 years, so, please keep in touch, any tips or tricks we can give you re side effects or what to expect just ask away.
wendy55