Fidelity

ling
ling Member Posts: 5
edited July 2018 in Health and wellbeing
I have just found out that my husband has had an affair. It started 6mths after I finished treatment and has finished now. My libido and intimacy post surgery made sex fell like a chore and he knew it. I was emotionally unavailable and trying to find my "new normal". Not excusing his actions, he has made the wrong choices and has taken full responsibility for is actions but how many other woman have fidelity issues with there partners after BC.

Comments

  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374
    Ah, that's not good Linda. I think many of us struggle with many aspects of our sexuality post treatment, part of the concern is that it doesn't just affect us. I'm sorry things have gone this way for you. Mxxx
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952
    edited July 2018
    @ling . I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. Did u find out or did he tell you. Sending u huge hugs xoxoxo
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    That's totally shitty Linda. I'm so sorry. K xox
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    No words. Just devastating. 
  • ling
    ling Member Posts: 5
    He told me

  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 8,123
    That's a bugger @ling

    I hope that you are both able to attend some counselling together, to give your relationship a chance of surviving, assuming you don't want this to wreck your marriage?  Your trust in him needs to be rebuilt if this is to suceed.  Then draw a line in the sand & start over.

    I would imagine that you are feeling angry, betrayed, disappointed, sad - whilst he obviously was feeling guilty, guilty, guilty ...

    All the best on the path that you take from here.  xxx
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,961
    I am so sorry to hear that - some things can be better kept to yourself.  As @arpie said, you need to rebuild trust if you have decided you want to salvage the relationship (or at least get to the point where you can make a decision).  I get the libido thing but he is a grown-up and you've been through hell. So, I suspect that you both need some sort of couples counselling and probably individual counselling as well to get over this.
  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423
    You know him best, or at least you thought you did. At least he thinks enough of you to come clean and admit it. It doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is over. Some men do stray. Many decades ago when I was in my teens my employer came on to me. What could I do but agree, thinking I need this job. After a time I wizened up, decided I would move on from the job and wrote an apologizing letter to his wife. He must have pulled his head in as to this day they are still married and retired and happy. Sometimes it just happens. <3
  • ling
    ling Member Posts: 5
    Thankyou ladies.. We are going to start individual counselling and then move to couples.. We have been married 33 years so is at least worth exploring if I can forgive him
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,961
    I'm glad you're both moving forward. Take care.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Good on you for giving it a crack. I hope the outcome, whatever it is, is what you desire. All the very best, K xox