Well meaning..but not helpful (for me)

ValerieLouise
ValerieLouise Member Posts: 11
I've recently been diagnosed. I let the initial shock subside and embraced that part of my brain & personality which is about process and planning rather than panic. So lots of information gathering, talking with close friends and contemplating available choices & options. At this point I am sure of my treatment decision. However one friend in particular has responded by insisting she will help 'cure' me through a range of naturopathic potions, powders & pills. Additionally, she suggested I have not looked after myself in terms of diet and exercise. I do have some appreciation for natural remedies, and as I have a lifelong disability I have always taken care of my nutrition and well being. Whilst I think her approach is well meaning, it's not helpful or respectful. I don't have any family, live on my own and so my close circle of friends are important. But I need to focus on my decisions and choices without gestures and comments that are intrusive or not supportive of my own path. Any advise is welcome, thank you. 

Comments

  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,952
    @ValerieLouise sounds like she is saying the cancer is your fault as u haven’t looked after yourself - very insulting!!  I would use natural therapies/remedies if needed but in conjunction with traditional treatments but that is just me. U need people around u they are supportive of your decisions regarding your diagnosis and treatment. All the ladies here are great for advice and ideas. Thinking of u xoxox 
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 5,248
    Welcome to the site - @SoldierCrab has links that will help you with the site and the forum in general.  Now that you are in this realm of treatment any natural remedies need to be run past your Specialist as some do not agree with medications that we end up on.

    As to your friend she is obviously into health and well being and figures you're not at her level.  She means well but now it is time for you to gently say I need to stick with the health professionals so that I can beat this!

    Here's a link from the BCNA website so that you can understand a little better your type of Breast Cancer

    https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/types-of-breast-cancer/

    Take care
  • Lmc1310
    Lmc1310 Member Posts: 120
    Please know that you did not cause your cancer, none of us did. This shaming and blaming is not healthy, albeit well intentioned. If you go through this site you will find thst some of us were superfit and living very healthy lifestyles others like me, not so. By your post it sounds like  you have been living a healthy lifestyle. I wish you the love and support of compassionate friends. Sometimes one is just all we need. Xo
  • arpie
    arpie Mid North Coast, NSWMember Posts: 6,507
    edited June 2018
    Oh dear ...... @ValerieLouise .....I am SO sorry to see you 'join the club' - but you'll make some great friends here & get REAL advice from those who have been thru it right HERE!!  I bet your buddy hasn't had anything to do with BC - or else she wouldn't be making these stupid suggestions!  Ask her if SHE is taking it all .... then wait & see how her health develops! ;)   Getting this BC is just pure bad luck, I reckon - I am the first on MY family to be diagnosed with it (my family usually cark it from heart attacks!)

    I added my two bits to the 'Did you REALLY say that' thread below ..... you'll be able to read a lot of other crap there as well - some will make you laugh - some will make you angrier than your 'well meaning buddy'!!
    http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/17916/is-that-right-did-you-really-say-that/p11

    If there are any questions you've thought of - toss them around here & some very knowledeable ladies (and gents) will put their two bits in!  ;)

    All the best on the next phase of your treatment & decision making - if there is anything we can help you with, just ask ...... chuck all that other crap out the window.  It will make absolutely no difference whatsoever in your treatment over the next 'x' months ..... but if you FEEL like trying alternate stuff .... feel free to give it a go - just put it past your Onc or Doc first!   

    Take care xx
  • Stork
    Stork Member Posts: 121
    When I was diagnosed with B/C a “friend” told me in her opinion Radation was a waste of time because her father who had radation died from stage 4 lung cancer 
    Her advice was to use PDT which is a combination of a drug and a laser light to kill cancer cells the “treatment” costs $10,000.00
    not funded by Medicare or health funds.
    I chose Radaition, when you search the internet there are several sites allegedly offering false hope and cures. The operators are playing with vulnerable people.
    Sham on them.
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,483
    edited June 2018
    @ValerieLouise lovely to have you here, so welcome!

    It is very very hard especially with a friend who is well intended, I love natural therapies and in fact am a Reiki Master myself. BUT...let me say something in my line of work there are no pills or potions or magic cures, mine is purely about self clarity and healing energy. Other natural therapies are great but I always tell people they are to be used in CONJUNCTION with medicine. For me its about helping symptoms and side effects. I too have led a good life full of exercise and a good diet and I've had it twice!!! it has NOTHING to do with it, it doesn't help when Society keep harping on exercise and diet WILL REDUCE YOUR CHANCE OF RECURRENCE. It doesn't just like it didnt cause it in the first place. Maybe they should clarify and say " you should exercise post diagnosis because oestrogen is stored in your excess body fat, so by exercising and keeping at a healthy weight range you reduce those in the fat cells, therefore may reduce your chance of recurrence" Even saying that pfffft I was a healthy weight etc., at recurrence so there goes that theory too. HAHA!!! 

    I would very kindly just say to your friend..."I appreciate your friendship and I value your ideas and opinion but I really need to do this my way." If she is offended it has nothing to do with you...this has to be on your terms..all of it. I lost alot of friends through this and family and I believe we never lose who we shouldnt, if they're meant to stay and support they will. You will find in the people you least expect however the biggest support of all and kindness. :) 

    All the best, xxxx
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,362
    Idiots come in many forms, unfortunately breast cancer can bring out the hidden fool in many of those close to us. Total strangers can morph into complete morons without warning. It comes with the territory, sadly.

    It's understandable that you don't want to burn any bridges, most frustrating when you'd rather tell them to take their kale and shove it where the sun don't shine (a Stirling preventative for bowel cancer, no doubt)
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Go with your instincts.  Nothing you did caused it.  If it was all lifestyle then why are there people from so many different ages, genders, backgrounds getting it.  There is nothing wrong with holistic therapies as complimentary to everything else.  I guarantee it you if it was this person who was diagnosed they may have a complete back flip in attitude.    Jeez if we could fix it all with Kale, turmeric and Kumbaya we'd all be home and hosed.  


  • kmakm
    kmakm MelbourneMember Posts: 7,974
    The phrases I used when several well meaning friends had these conversations with me were along the lines of "How interesting" and "I'll have a think about about it" or "I'll take that under advisement". And then make a mental note not to discuss my treatment in any great detail with them.

    Much of what people say is about themselves, and sometimes just giving them a hearing is emough.

    If after that they continue to argue, you may have to take a harder line and say something like "Thank you, but I've considered all the options, discussed them with my doctors and I'm comfortable with the treatment we've chosen. I do hope you can support me in this".

    And if she doesn't, then she is not a true friend. Friends see past differences and give only love and support at times like these. K xox
  • arpie
    arpie Mid North Coast, NSWMember Posts: 6,507
    hahahaha  LOVE IT @Zoffiel  .... are you sure we aren't twins??   I thought I may have sounded a little harsh in my initial comments (and the 15 mins to edit it had passed .....)  but I LOVE your interpretation!  STRAIGHT UP!!  :)  

    Whilst I 'thought' my buddies were dickheads - I didn't actually TELL them that!  I just thanked them & ignored them!  LOL

  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Smithton Tas was Bathurst nsw Member Posts: 3,422


    Below are a couple of links to help you find your
    way around the forum and also how to find a breast care nurse and how to order
    a MY journey Kit if you haven't got one yet. 



    It can be a a whirlwind when we first get a
    diagnosed.... Breathe and take it one step at a time. 



    The what and how thread.

    http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14879/the-what-and-how-thread/p1 

    Breast Care Nurses

    https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx 

    My Journey Kits and other
    resources. 

    https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/

    BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258

    If you have any questions, concerns or require any further information
    or support please call 1800 500 258.  The Helpline is open Monday,
    Wednesday and Friday from 9 am till 5 pm EST and Tuesday and Thursday from 9 am
    till 9 pm EST.

     

     

    How to understand your pathology reports

    https://www.cancer.org/treatment/understanding-your-diagnosis/tests/understanding-your-pathology-report/breast-pathology/breast-cancer-pathology.html

     

  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 5,248
    @ValerieLouise

    https://www.bcna.org.au/media/2128/bcn_helping_a_friend_brochure_web.pdf

    https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/

    the links above are from the BCNA website - perhaps having that brochure around for your friend(s) to read may in turn help them to understand

    There's lot of other info on the website as well as that you may find helpful 

    Take care