Newbie

Mumofsix

Hi, I was diagnosed with Early Breast Cancer and had a lumpectomy in November, had 6 weeks of radiation and now are on Tamoxifen for 5 Years. I also had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy BSO a week ago as I have always had issues and I have adenoymosis so decided to eliminate any risks and remove everything.
I am 48 married with 6 children youngest 11 and eldest 24.
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks after my lumpectomy and she had a lumpectomy but had to have chemo and now she’s just finished radiation and will start on tablets for 5 Years.
I was working full time when I was diagnosed and had only started that job in April and had a lot of time off with appointments and not feeling well. When I was going through radiation my breast care nurse and radiation oncologist thought working was too much for me as I had had a Mini meltdown and I was exhausted so I contacted work and was told they understood I needed time off but they would probably have to find someone else to take over my job and that they would call me on Monday.
Well that was about 9 weeks ago and still no call and I refuse to chase them so I believe I’m out of a job sacked because I had cancer and I was getting treatments but at the time I didn’t care, I didn’t have the energy to worry about it.
So my question to you ladies is does anyone else feel useless and guilty because they are not working and finances aren’t what they used to be?
I feel like I’ve let my family down cause I’m not back to my normal self yet and I can’t drive at the moment, I feel anxious all the time about getting breast cancer again and putting my family through it all again and the fact that I’m not bringing in any money to contribute like I was.
Is this normal to feel this way?

arpie

@Mumofsix
Oh dear, you've sure been thru the mill with your own treatment then hysterectomry, then your Mum's as well .... and what with the work issue & all - I am not surprised you had a mini meltdown!  I would have had a massive one!

I hope your family & kids are doing as much as they can to help you get thru this.

I'm retired, so worry a  bit about the expense from our savings - about $6000 so far .... but luckily don't have to worry about working 'as such' .... try not to put any more pressure on yourself than you are already under!  

I think it might help if you check out the various resources available thru BCNA
Finances:   https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/financial-and-practical-support/

Emotional support: https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/emotional-wellbeing/

or just call the Helpline, to chat with someone who may be able to help you feel better about everything that is happening to you at this point in time:   Helpline  1800 500 258

There are some wonderful people on this forum who will have much more to say in helping you thru this 'down patch' .... 

One step at a time ..... you WILL find your 'new normal' sooner or later ..... 

Zoffiel

Hey @Mumofsix. I'm at the end of my day and am literally cross eyed and can't respond at length except to say hi.  I'm sure the others will jump on and confirm that, yep, all that is normal. Mxx

TonyaM

Hi mumofsix, I think,as a mother, we feel guilty about everything.But honestly,if you can’t take time off for cancer when can you?It’s not your fault you got bc-  bad stuff happens to the nicest of people.You’ve no doubt put yourself last whilst bringing up 6 kids- well now it’s time to put yourself first and get well again.Your family will find a way to make ends meet- perhaps you need to ask others for help? Your new workplace hasn’t been very supportive so perhaps you are better off without them? Another door will open as they say.I was your age when I got breast cancer and my youngest daughter was in her HSC year and I felt guilty too. We are too hard on ourselves. Treat yourself like you would a friend with bc.So sorry to hear about your mum too.What a terrible time you’ve had.I hope life will improve for you now.

primek

I was only in a new job for 4 months when diagnosed. I thought I would be able to work through my chemo treatment but physically and mentally I just couldn't do it. I was devastated and felt very guilty about not working. ..but I accepted I did need to do what was right for me.
Are you a casual? Nobody can fire  you for extended sick leave and there are workers rights to cover you for that. Just provide the regular medical  certificates about fitness for work. 


https://www.fairwork.gov.au/leave/sick-and-carers-leave/long-periods-of-sick-leave

Sister

I think it is perfectly normal to feel that ways about finances and being able to participate fully - there's just not much you can do about it. Doesn't make it fair.  But you may need to contact your workplace if only to draw a line under it.

Kiwi Angel

@Mumofsix I think we all unnecessarily put way too much pressure on ourselves and it sounds like u r no different. I need to focus on yourself as much as u r able to. U won’t be any use to your family if u don’t put yourself first sometimes and focus on your emotional and physical well being - I’m sure they will understand and be supportive. Big hugs xoxoox