New here

Sister

Hi,  Although I dropped in on someone else's conversation the other day as I've been stalking these pages, I thought I should be brave and introduce myself.  I'm 54 with 3 kids, primary through to high school ages.  I had a breastscreen done 3 weeks ago, was recalled last Friday and diagnosed on Tuesday night with a 2.5cm lobular carcinoma in one breast.  My amazing GP got me in to see a surgeon on Wednesday afternoon and I'm looking at surgery just before Christmas for a probable lumpectomy and sentinel node removal, with the option of a second op if the surrounding tissue looks sus.  Of course, that depends on the results of the bone scans I had yesterday!  I have to admit that I'm veering between absolute terror and despair, and numbness and denial, while still trying to show positive for the kids.  It's the first time in my life that I don't want to face people - I've told a couple of friends (by phone) and asked them to tell other people, and my husband is fielding any phone calls.  I think that if the bone scans come out clear, I'll be able to function better but if they don't, I'm worried that I'm just going to fall apart.  While I'm hearing all of the professionals tell me positive things, I find it hard to really believe them as personal experience with my sister years ago tells me the opposite.  We lost her to this in 1999.

I'm sorry, guys - this was supposed to be a sane (and light-hearted?) introduction but I can see it's turned into something else.  I think I needed to say it, though.  And I think many of you have probably been here.

By the way, I've realised that my username paints a picture of a highly politicised feminist and while I have nothing against that, it wasn't my intention.  All of the good usernames had been taken so the one I chose was because I was feeling a particular affinity with my sister at that moment.

Brenda5

Hi and welcome. I was diagnosed two years ago at 53 and while I didnt return to the same as I was, I am okay. I am thinking with your christmas is it possible for someone else in the family to host the dinner bit, or let the older kids have a bash at it? They might not do things quite how you like it but now is the time for them to get that confidence in hosting family gatherings. I have two older boys and while cooking isnt their forte, decorations aren't bad. Rest easy over Christmas and start a diary. It is interesting to read back through it in years to come.

Sister

I'm sure we'll muddle through Christmas - it'll be just us as the extended family will be at the beach and I don't think that's likely to be possible for me post-op.  My kids are pretty good at pitching in when needed so no doubt there will be something edible  :-) as long as someone else cleans up the mess!

June1952

Hi @Sister
Welcome to this exclusive club of wonderful ladies who will be here to support you through whatever is to come.
Give yourself a break and let it out as you need to - we all understand and help where we can.  We have all travelled a different road but we are still here for you.
Please try not to concentrate too much on the loss of your sister at the moment as the diagnosis and treatments have come a long way since then.  Listen to your medical team as they know your specific issue and the best way to attack it - and attack it they will.  After all, they want you to live a long life as much as you do.
Keep on checking in as you will find lots of friends to vent with !
Hugs  Summer  

Afraser

I managed to lose my hair for Christmas five years ago - I know I don't do
much for Christmas but that was ridiculous! Diagnosis is a fraught time - so much fear, so much uncertainty and in your case so much to remember. Try and concentrate on the improvements that have been made in nearly 20 years - heavens, there has been so much in the last five years. You will cope - more information, even if it's not ideal, takes away some of the uncertainty. Then you know what needs to get done and can concentrate on that. In the meantime, relieve as much other pressure as you can. Don't talk to people unless you want to - the caring ones will understand. Let your family look after you a bit. I'm an atheist who takes a perverse delight in reminding people that Christmas is about a religious belief in new hope. Keep that hopeful light burning - many of us get through this. 

Zoffiel

Hey @Sister welcome aboard our creaky little boat. Most of us start out literally paddling for our lives which is absolutely exhausting. On any day there will be a couple in danger of falling overboard, there will be robust discussions about navigation and someone will be asleep in the hammock. Excuse the nautical references, I have no idea where that came from. Never mind. Welcome anyway.

I've had a history of being in the middle of some cancer catastrophe or other over Xmas on a couple of occasions. You'd think I would have learned not to do that, but apparently not. You' will muddle through somehow, we all have.  Reluctantly, sometimes, but what else can you do?

Good luck with the scans and surgery. I've got lobular BC as well, it's a shit of a thing.

Be kind to yourself. Marg. Xx

Mrs_H

Hi @Sister, welcome to the club no one wants to be part of. As I’m sure you’ve seen the other club members are wonderful for advice, reassurance and a listening ear. Not knowing is hard but there will be an overload of information shortly. Take each day (or hour at times) as it comes. Jen xx.

SoldierCrab

hi @Sister
I am going to give you some links to resources available 
https//www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx  A breast Care Nurse. 

My Journey kits and my care kits https//www.bcna.org.au/resources/

On reading your post I immediately thought you had called yourself "sister" in reference to your sister. 

It is scary at this stage where you don't know what lies ahead like @Afraser said  things have changed heaps since 1999. even in the last few years things are completely different with how Breast Cancers are treated and the survival rates are so much better. 

Breathe..... 
It's Okay to be afraid to try to hide the fear from the children there are some great resources for kids also at the Cancer Council website. 

we understand and get the stress and fear ... feel free to come and rant,cry while typing to us.... 
I found the shower a great place to have a cry. 

hugs 
Soldiercrab

Sister

Thanks so much, everyone.  I know that I'll be turning back to this site again and again.  And I'll keep reminding myself to breathe... and try to get on with life in the meantime.

primek

I think it's perfectly normal to feel terrified, teary, avoiding people and being unable to sleep. So is being calm, calculated and thinking you are in control. How we react to this assault on our life is highly individual. 

I also lost my sister to breast cancer. 
On my father's side I lost an Aunt to breast cancer and many others to ovarian cancer. The same week of diagnosis my sister in law was dying from endometrial cancer. I was at her funeral and still waiting on my results.  All these experiences impacted me greatly and made it difficult for me to "just be positive". But that's okay. We don't have to be positive, we just have to show up and have the sugery and treatment for our best chances. And slowly slowly we start feeling as a SURVIVOR. 

Have you been referred for genetic testing?. It won't change your current treatment plan but it may impact on what you should do in the future. Make sure you have a referral to a genetic specialist. Whilst mine was negative (huge relief) it was valuable to map our family and as new genes emerge they will recheck our dna. We were delighted not to have inherited my Father's family BRAC1 faulty gene. None of my siblings have. Apparently at this stage it's just bad luck.

Kath x

Sister

I've brought up genetic testing and the surgeon has noted it but said let's do first things first (as he should) but it's something I need to keep in mind with 2 daughters.

onemargie

Hi there @sister it’s a shitty thing to be here but so good that you have chosen to come onboard you will find heaps of great advice from many bc survivors from all different walks of life and backgrounds I was aged 43 may last year when I was diagnosed and all good for me now (3cm tumor left boob left mastectomy so I only had to have 8 rounds of  chemo and no rads, scans all clear and negative for the gene and no family history right boob off as a preventative 6 months later). And remember so much as changed since 1999 since the sad passing of your lovely sister with treatment and survival rates so rest assured you will get all the reassurance and guidance you need with your bc too on this forum .  My advice is don’t google anything, take the advice from your team and the lovelies on here and once you have all your results and a plan of attack it does feel better. And nothing wrong with your name... we are all “sisters” on here lovey. Biggest hug.  Margie xx

Sister

Thank you all so much.  I've really appreciated your support, honesty and the sharing of your stories over the last week.  It has helped me to get some perspective over this and realise just what an a network of people are living with this and how amazing you all are.  I finally got some positive news last night that it seems to be localised to the breast and I'm scheduled for surgery late next week so I guess the kids will be cooking Christmas dinner.  I know that the op might show some spread of the cancer but I'll deal with that if it happens.  I also know that even if it is clear, it could come back so that's for the future, too.
I, like Jane Doyle, refuse to call it a journey (I like journeys), but it is a life experience and we all know that some of them can be pretty shitty.  What I've gotten from this site is that, women are living with cancer and so can I.
You are all amazing!

SoldierCrab

@Sister
 I call it a Roller coaster ride I bloody hate them......

primek

So glad you have some good news. I was relieved to get that too. Now to surgery. X

iserbrown

Good to hear you now have direction!  Localised to the breast is good news!  Wishing you a speedy recovery with surgery and an enjoyable Christmas dinner prepared by the kids!  There are lots of descriptive words to cover what we go through and roller coaster is my preferred!  As it is emotional as well as physical but with the support on here we all get through, somehow!
Take care