Hello. I've been floating through so many discussions and thought I'd say hello.Im 28, I received my positive BRACA result AUG 2017, and early sept I found I have a stage 3 triple neg invasive ductal carcinoma in my left breast. I think I'm ok, then I cry for 2 hours. I google my diagnosis, then I start writing goodbye letters to my familyI love my support network, then I feel angry about my diagnosis and my healthy lifestyle change I made for nothing and go out and eat a big whopper with cheese. I love my partner, but I get upset when he tries to console me because he isn't having his breasts removed, he isn't going to have to have his ovaries removed, he isn't going to lose his hair... I feel selfish for saying it but i feel so unsupported even though I have so many friends and family members by my side I just need need to feel like I'm not the only one who is going mental over a diagnosis - of any kindim not normally such a Debbie Downer either. I just need to vent to someone who actually is going through something similar

The 'stay positive' line is, without a doubt, the most irritating thing anyone ever says to me. I'm convinced that a positive attitude--or a good performance that mimics one--doesn't help me at all, but it does make the people I deal with feel better. Sometimes I'll play nice, sometimes I wont.I'm a year on from being told I had a recurrence and have finished active treatment and am now wrestling with the aftermath. Am I unhappy? Nah, not really. I've never been a ray of sunshine but, like most classic clowns, I have a very black sense of humour that helps me cope when I'm pissed off--which is a good deal of the time. Being an Olympic grade old grouch has it's advantages; I don't suffer fools, have no problem calling bullshit when I encounter it and rarely have to repeat myself when I want someone to stop doing something (that can be because they are disappearing into the distance in a cloud of dust, never to be seen again)You know, I don't think cancer really changes who you are. Once you get through the grief and loss process you will revert to coping with your disease the same way you have always coped with adversity. For some that means transferring responsibility and authority to someone else, others stick their fingers in their ears and chant 'la la la' and others figure out how to adapt themselves to the challenge. Classic personality type stuff.It doesn't really matter in the end which approach you take, you will figure out a way of 'finding' yourself again. It just takes time.Seeing a counselor can be really helpful. It may take a couple of tries to find someone who 'gets' you but it is worth the effort. Don't stay with a counselor who doesn't suit you and don't worry about offending them if you aren't comfortable--this is all about you, not them. Being able to unload on someone who is not going to take it personally, or worse still throw it back in your face at a latter date, is invaluable.Good luck, Lori. This is a good place to vent. As you have seen, it takes all types to make a village and this is a pretty diverse community--you will find many approaches to the trials and tribulations of enduring breast cancer and will come to realize there is not right or wrong way to go about it. You just need to find your way. Marg xxx

@LucyE I can't say I ever have moments of positivity when it comes to my disease. I'm pretty sure if cancer doesn't get me it will be because something else gets me first. My positive moments go to other things. I garden and plant trees, I'm (finally) getting a degree at 56. I chop wood and dig holes and get dirty. I help out halter breaking Gypsy Cob yearlings. I ride when I can find something that will stand still for long enough for me to get on. Add that to the long list of things of risk taking activities that could get me first. My friends love me despite of, or perhaps because of, my faults and I've become an unofficial breast cancer guide for a number of women in my local community. Many know me through my former career as a librarian--where it was well known I have breast cancer--and find my no nonsense attitude helpful in that first couple of weeks when they don't know where they are and don't want their family and friends crawling all over them asking questions. Rural women can be like that. I take them to appointments and cover their arse when they don't want anyone to know what they are doing. Once they are confirmed as being 'on the bus' I personally introduce them to the local BC nurses. I keep getting 'referrals' which sucks.But no. No positivity concerning the cancer. And that is OK, because that is who I am, and have always been. For me having cancer is like being short or tall, it just is. Luck of the draw, doesn't matter, I keep my positive energy for things I enjoy. It's a good question though in the context of Lori's thread. My mood naturally tends toward low, but when I'm high I run the risk of being manic. I'm most comfortable and most functional when running at a moderate grumble. Marg xxx

I was angry with myself when diagnosed that I hadn't sorted out my genetic risk before I developed cancer but I needed to qickly forgive myself as I had done what I could really.I get the feeling of being alone and the very real fears that we might not make it. The supportive people saying "you just got to be positive" is enough to send you screaming through the house. It doesn't help. You are scared and angry and just so damn sad. Cry if you need to my lovely. It's not a sign of giving up or being weak just being sad for you and this assault on your life. And that's allowed. And you will pick yourself up and fight the fight for your life amongst the tears. I personally think it's much healthier than just pretending it's all okay...it's not okay. But it just is how it is.So bite your lip when you feel like screaming at them. Let the tears flow when you need. And we are here when you need to talk to others who do just get it. And as to google and tnbc....so many survivors out there they don't talk about so regardless of those stats start having the belief you are one of those that will beat it. As many many women have.Kath x

Im 5 years post diagnosis.l will never forget when l was diagnosed by family bought me a puppy l already had 4 dogs and l went psyco l will never forget my daughter said l think the cancers gone to mums brain. No you go ahead l think we all have the right to feel sad for our life lost before. But you get past it and come out the other end. Xxx

Hi @LoriB, I felt all of the emotions you mentioned when I was first diagnosed. It’s a bit of a roller coaster, isn’t it? I just tried to take it day by day. The Cancer Council have wonderful nurses to chat to and counsellors to see if you need them. They helped me get through the low times and I could be honest with them without the worry of opening up to family about my fears about my mortality, hair, sexuality etc. I also set boundaries with my family and let them know that sometimes I needed time to myself and that meant going to some appointments alone. This helped me to have some control over my life at the time. I also found it easier when I had made my decisions and could just go through treatment. Can you do something you enjoy, or plan for it? I found this helped me, even going for a short walk helps you to feel better. I know younger women have a tough time with breast cancer. I was doing my Master’s degree, about to buy a house and was in a relationship and all that changed when I was diagnosed with cancer. I am now returning to study, dodged a bullet with the ex and I’m looking at buying a place and somehow managed to get a promotion. All when I haven’t been at my best. This is just 3 years later. I have side effects from treatment, but apart from being on this forum too much, I’m doing ok and you will get back to your ‘new normal’ down the track. Have you joined the young women’s group on here? Take care x

Highs and Lows ... WAVES of whacky emotions..

30 Replies

adean
Member
8 years ago
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Im 5 years post diagnosis.l will never forget when l was diagnosed by family bought me a puppy l already had 4 dogs and l went psyco l will never forget my daughter said l think the cancers gone to mums brain. No you go ahead l think we all have the right to feel sad for our life lost before. But you get past it and come out the other end. Xxx
melclarity
Member
8 years ago
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Hey @LoriB just wanted to say a big Hello to you!

So much has been said already, but I think we all share the same opinion that this Forum is not just for sad people LOL, it's a fabulous place to come to vent, rant and rave and just talk things through and know without a doubt everyone here GETS IT!! and Gets You!

I have to agree with @Zoffiel, that everyone has a different personality disposition as to what works for them in dealing with things. I want to say also having had a recurrence, my positivity wasn't present because it was so different to the 1st diagnosis or a single diagnosis. I found it all so much harder on every level to deal with...and so we cope and get through however that may be. A Psych actually said to me that its NOT about being positive at all...its about dealing with it the way you naturally deal with everything...being true to you. There's no right or wrong at all...there's positivity in possibly things that happen around you as opposed to within whats happening with you. I had some soul destroying days and I actually gave myself permission to be upset because nobody was in my shoes or had to learn to walk again post treatment.

Every thought and feeling is real and valid,don't discount a thing!!! just be true to you! I fall down but I get back up like everyone else and keep going. I've come such a long way so find your way of doing things...but keep talking!! because we understand...xx Melinda
iserbrown
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8 years ago
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@Kelly88 what a great honest post you just put up!

Welcome to the forum, a place where we are grateful that it is available to learn and share. Hopefully you've been exploring the resource within BCNA and finding opportunities like the "Look Good Feel Better" program
https://lgfb.org.au/workshop/
put in your postcode to find one near you - it's free!

Also there is the opportunity for a free holiday - the Otis Foundation
http://www.otisfoundation.org.au/
It's great for the soul - my hubby and I took advantage last year when I was in between surgeries, oh it sure did help!
Kelly88
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8 years ago
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Hi @LoriB,

I am 29, and got diagnosed in July with Stage 2 Grade 3 Invasive in my right breast. I have also been given a positive BRCA1 result from gene testing and I have 1 year old son.

I too went through so many roller coaster emotions. From numbness, to 'why me, I live a healthy life', to the feeling that you have so much support yet you just feel so alone, to how will my husband cope, how will this affect my son.

I think the feeling of loneliness, for me anyway, comes from the fact that everybody's journey is different even when you talk to people that have had breast cancer. And unless your family or friends have had cancer, they cant possibly know how it feels looking at months, even years of treatment only to be told that you still have a 20% (maybe more) chance of other cancers in the body even if you do remove your breasts and ovaries.

It feels like a million decisions that all need to be made at once and unfortunately you are the only one that can make them.

I guess my only advice is that it is your decision to make and not be influence by anyone else. The decision that you make must be the right decision for you and YOU must feel comfortable with it. Not your partner, or your family.

Here if you need to talk as it sounds like we are in similar stages. Even if you just want to talk to someone about your diagnosis and where you are at.

Big hugs.
iserbrown
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8 years ago
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@LoriB

Sending you a virtual hug xx
AllyJay
Member
8 years ago
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@LoriB, sending you the biggest (((cyberhug))). We are all doing this in our own unique ways, and we will all support you and cheer you on similarly. You are not alone and we care for our own. xoxo
LoriB
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8 years ago
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Its taken me a while to read through all the comments on my post - just absorbing the information.
im so overwhelmed with the amount of honesty and support.
Ive cried and laughed out loud reading the comments, and for once since diagnosis i feel "included" as in im not the only one, im not oblivious to the fact that there are people out there that are on this same journey, i truly felt alone.
i am waiting for a treatment plan but every hour feels like a day and everyday feels like a week, which leaves me just enough time to over think, google and go bat poop crazy.
Im so honored that you have shared such intimate feelings, thoughts and experiences with me.. it gives me the greatest hope.
Everytime i think about the cancer my boob literally pulsates!
I haven't enabled javascript so i haven't been able to individually love everyones responses, but ive read through them over and over again with my pen and paper taking notes and writing down all the suggestions everyone has offered.
i just wish i could reach into my screen and hug each and everyone of you

i look forward to joining other groups and being apart of this amazing family xo
socoda
Member
8 years ago
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Hey @LoriB, so sorry to say Welcome, but you've come to the right place. Nothing wrong with crying, screaming, being scared shitless - all very normal reactions. And feeling very alone even when you have people supporting you is also very very normal. No matter how supportive they are they are not going through the raw panic, fear and treatment that you are and will be going through. Don't beat yourself up for having normal feelings, you will have up days and days where you wonder how your eyes can continue to produce so very many tears. I didn't use to cry much, but I think the breast cancer diagnosis unplugged my tear ducts and has left me with a legacy of welling up at the most ridiculous things. I've gone soppy!!! :s Wishing you all the best, come here often and let us know how you are - destress with us, that's what we're here for!! Xx Cath
Anonymous
8 years ago
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@iserbrown sounds like a perfect day out. It was sunny here today. That fatigue is never easy. Take care x
iserbrown
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8 years ago
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@LucyE thanks for asking. I, like some on here is suffering the effects of fatigue otherwise all good. Beautiful day today and I was taken out for lunch unexpectedly.
Keep up your thoughts on here that's what it is all about. Take care sending you a virtual hug xx