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I think I'm ok, then I cry for 2 hours. I google my diagnosis, then I start writing goodbye letters to my family I love my support network, then I feel angry about my diagnosis and my healthy lifestyle change I made for nothing and go out and eat a big whopper with cheese. I love my partner, but I get upset when he tries to console me because he isn't having his breasts removed, he isn't going to have to have his ovaries removed, he isn't going to lose his hair... I feel selfish for saying it but i feel so unsupported even though I have so many friends and family members by my side
I just need need to feel like I'm not the only one who is going mental over a diagnosis - of any kind
im not normally such a Debbie Downer either. I just need to vent to someone who actually is going through something similar
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I think I'm ok, then I cry for 2 hours. I google my diagnosis, then I start writing goodbye letters to my family I love my support network, then I feel angry about my diagnosis and my healthy lifestyle change I made for nothing and go out and eat a big whopper with cheese. I love my partner, but I get upset when he tries to console me because he isn't having his breasts removed, he isn't going to have to have his ovaries removed, he isn't going to lose his hair... I feel selfish for saying it but i feel so unsupported even though I have so many friends and family members by my side
I just need need to feel like I'm not the only one who is going mental over a diagnosis - of any kind
im not normally such a Debbie Downer either. I just need to vent to someone who actually is going through something similar
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Accept to continue or {url} it directly on the provider's site.","buttonTitle":"Accept","urlText":"watch"},"localOverride":false},"User:user:13942":{"__typename":"User","id":"user:13942","uid":13942,"login":"Jane221","deleted":false,"avatar":{"__typename":"UserAvatar","url":"https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/legacyfs/online/userpics/013/p0GV377U034QF.jpeg"},"rank":{"__ref":"Rank:rank:39"}},"Forum:board:chemotherapy-and-radiotherapy":{"__typename":"Forum","id":"board:chemotherapy-and-radiotherapy","entityType":"FORUM","displayId":"chemotherapy-and-radiotherapy","nodeType":"board","depth":2,"conversationStyle":"FORUM","description":"","title":"Chemotherapy and radiotherapy","shortTitle":"Chemotherapy and radiotherapy","parent":{"__ref":"Category:category:treatment-and-surgery"},"ancestors":{"__typename":"CoreNodeConnection","edges":[{"__typename":"CoreNodeEdge","node":{"__ref":"Community:community:nkyiu94732"}},{"__typename":"CoreNodeEdge","node":{"__ref":"Category:category:treatment-and-surgery"}}]},"userContext":{"__typename":"NodeUserContext","canAddAttachments":false,"canUpdateNode":false,"canPostMessages":false,"isSubscribed":false}},"ForumTopicMessage:message:54719":{"__typename":"ForumTopicMessage","uid":54719,"subject":"Wondering if this will ever be over","id":"message:54719","revisionNum":1,"repliesCount":70,"author":{"__ref":"User:user:19337"},"readOnly":false},"Conversation:conversation:54719":{"__typename":"Conversation","id":"conversation:54719","solved":false,"topic":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:54719"},"lastPostingActivityTime":"2017-03-18T15:46:31.000-07:00","lastPostTime":"2017-03-18T15:46:31.000-07:00","unreadReplyCount":70,"isSubscribed":false},"ModerationData:moderation_data:54763":{"__typename":"ModerationData","id":"moderation_data:54763","status":"APPROVED","rejectReason":null,"isReportedAbuse":false,"rejectUser":null,"rejectTime":null,"rejectActorType":null},"Revision:revision:54763_1":{"__typename":"Revision","id":"revision:54763_1","lastEditTime":"2017-01-22T20:23:55.000-08:00"},"ForumReplyMessage:message:54763":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","author":{"__ref":"User:user:13942"},"id":"message:54763","revisionNum":1,"uid":54763,"depth":1,"hasGivenKudo":false,"subscribed":false,"board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:chemotherapy-and-radiotherapy"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:54719"},"subject":"Re: Wondering if this will ever be over","readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"moderationData":{"__ref":"ModerationData:moderation_data:54763"},"body":"Hi Suzy, it sounds as though you are feeling really overwhelmed with it all right now and I can totally understand that. You do get fed up with constancy of it all and the ever-shifting goalposts. I had a mastectomy in 2012 after clear margins couldn't be achieved with the lumpectomy, and like you there were other tumours picked up after that surgery (2 invasive lobular & 1 invasive ductal) despite previous ultrasounds etc which didn't show the extent of it. That was a tough time to get my head around as I was petrified it had also moved to other parts of my body. Thankfully the full body CT scans I had after surgery didn't show anything other than the 1 lymph node. I also then had chemo, Herceptin (for 12 months) and radiation therapy and am now on hormone therapy.
I did have reconstruction in 2014, so lived with 2yrs with just one breast. I had a tissue transfer / flap procedure called a DIEP reconstruction where they move tummy skin, fat and blood vessels to the chest to make a new breast. This type of procedure is often recommended for women who have had radiotherapy as sometimes (but not always) radiation can compromise the outcome of an implant reconstruction, but it really depends on the extent of the radiation and quality of your skin etc. In many cases a Tissue Expander can be placed at the time of mastectomy and following radiation your surgeon/s will see how well your skin has recovered and discuss whether an implant is still possible or what other options are available. You might want to join the Choosing Breast Reconstruction group on here to connect with others that have had radiation and reconstruction, or check out the information on the Reclaim Your Curves website, which has a section specifically on this topic.
I'm now heading towards 5years since my diagnosis and I have to say that things do get better, you do (eventually) adapt - although I know I fought my \"new normal\" for a very long time - and the reconstruction, for me, was the turning point in my recovery and healing. I am glad you have reached out, please stay in touch and if you have a chance, it might be worth trying to head along to a support group where you can meet others who understand. Jane xx
","body@stringLength":"2259","rawBody":"Hi Suzy, it sounds as though you are feeling really overwhelmed with it all right now and I can totally understand that. You do get fed up with constancy of it all and the ever-shifting goalposts. I had a mastectomy in 2012 after clear margins couldn't be achieved with the lumpectomy, and like you there were other tumours picked up after that surgery (2 invasive lobular & 1 invasive ductal) despite previous ultrasounds etc which didn't show the extent of it. That was a tough time to get my head around as I was petrified it had also moved to other parts of my body. Thankfully the full body CT scans I had after surgery didn't show anything other than the 1 lymph node. I also then had chemo, Herceptin (for 12 months) and radiation therapy and am now on hormone therapy.
I did have reconstruction in 2014, so lived with 2yrs with just one breast. I had a tissue transfer / flap procedure called a DIEP reconstruction where they move tummy skin, fat and blood vessels to the chest to make a new breast. This type of procedure is often recommended for women who have had radiotherapy as sometimes (but not always) radiation can compromise the outcome of an implant reconstruction, but it really depends on the extent of the radiation and quality of your skin etc. In many cases a Tissue Expander can be placed at the time of mastectomy and following radiation your surgeon/s will see how well your skin has recovered and discuss whether an implant is still possible or what other options are available. You might want to join the Choosing Breast Reconstruction group on here to connect with others that have had radiation and reconstruction, or check out the information on the Reclaim Your Curves website, which has a section specifically on this topic.
I'm now heading towards 5years since my diagnosis and I have to say that things do get better, you do (eventually) adapt - although I know I fought my \"new normal\" for a very long time - and the reconstruction, for me, was the turning point in my recovery and healing. I am glad you have reached out, please stay in touch and if you have a chance, it might be worth trying to head along to a support group where you can meet others who understand. Jane xx
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