Feeling Flat..
Hendrix
Member Posts: 324 ✭
hello lovelies...I'm not sure if it's the weather this week...but I'm feeling really flat...actually I'm feeling lonely. I have family and friends around me but we don't actually talk....I'm single and it's never bothered me before, but I find myself wishing I had a partner. Anyone else felt like this and any suggestions to shake this feeling off? TIA xx
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Hey Tia, I think its really normal, what I found was it just didnt matter having people around me which I didn't, not alot of support.Thing is even if they were it just wasn't of any comfort because the truth is going through this is so isolating where you really do feel like you're on your own. So I think what helps is, talking to people who really get it! like here, it has been such a help for me. The other is if youre up to it, doing the little things that you enjoy doing, little pampering things. Sometimes I found too, it was actually healthy to just let it be when I was down and flat...because you come back out of it again rather than shift or move. It's not something you can shake off as you know, so maybe a diary writing down thoughts to get them out. I sometimes like to colour, or listen to music and even write Poetry again after many years. It really is the toughest thing having people around yet feeling alone...all the more reason to nurture you! I didnt have a partner at first diagnosis but in some ways was better LOL didnt have someone else I had to think about. 2nd time in 2015 I was in a new relationship of 6 months so was hard but we grew through it. So hang in there and acknowledge what youre going through, its alot!!! Hugs Melinda xo1
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I was single first time around. My son was 13. I'm not too friendly when I am under pressure and I don't readily accept help. Being single was just fine; I knew no one was going to let me down if I didn't rely on them
This time the son has moved out and I have a partner who lives 100km away. Close enough, thanks. He's been great, but the people who have been most helpful are the friendships forged in fire. I was in my early 40s first BC and few of my contemporaries had any sort of disease. It was hard going.
Now I'm an old hand and find myself supporting others. It's weird and sometimes a little uncomfortable. If I was me meeting me a decade ago I would have told me to fuck off and leave me alone. Did that make any sort of sense? Never mind.
It can be a lonely road, I think, like water, we all find our own levels.4 -
What a shocking feeling being lonely when there are others around you. The others don't get it. You know how it is, they mean well but don't stimulate conversation.
It will pass! Take time to wallow and move along to something that will give you satisfaction. As simple as a cup of tea or a tipple, a bit of a walk, colouring in. Check out @InkPetal in creative corner. She has some fantastic drawings. I find doing some baking relaxing as it reminds me of teenage school days.
Be kind to yourself and take care xx1 -
@Hendrix, I get it. I'm also single. Loneliness is my middle name lol. I have very little support and even that is an understatement. I been pottering in the garden to take my mind of it as depression has hit hard. Surgery next week and going alone and scared. Try doing something you enjoy or something that is relaxing.
All the best.1 -
Hiya@LMK74 I know how you feel I'm single as well and no none else around me has been through this so they all seem to think it's just an op you'll be right you're tuff so I've turned to some tv series to take my mind of thinking, Vikings was great and I just finished orphan black season 4 , I just got my date today and I'm going in on the 30th August for a mx and sentinel node and a diep reconstruction, it's the coming home and trying to get people to look after me that's stressing me out but I know I will get through it and so will you jenny66 x2
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I am married with a family and yet felt like that myself a couple of weeks back - the old being lonely in a crowd bit - not sure how or if I I've really climbed out of it as been somewhat manically moving around visiting people and consuming too much chocolate so figure am not on top of things as much as I'd like to pretend.Am aware of it however which is probably good .Been a bit of a mouse on a treadmill much of the year with 3 major ops and radiotherapy and think have run out of puff and just plain tired.Plus yes it has been a stressful and worrying time waiting for results and trying to understand treatment etc etc Your post has helped me think why I feel like this and a further push to take it easy and slow down.Cabin fever also contributes to my mood as winter cold has really seeped into my soul at this time of the year.
I think how you feel is a combo of many things and it's ok to be flat - even those without bc do esp at this time of the year -allow yourself thinking time , reach out if you need a chat including here , turn on the radio , put on some great music - I need a bit of Beachboys at this time of the year - thank god for Youtube , watch a feelgood movie , read a nice book , have a little retail therapy or maybe a foot massage - little steps and gradually you'll pull out of this and life will go back into gear. Exercise is a mood elevator am told - maybe swimming in a heated pool ? Plan something you want to buy/ do eg a holiday so you have something to look forward to and work towards . Above all , be gentle on yourself , what you're feeling is normal - it will pass.
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When I was a young mum a long while ago I experienced awful isolation and loneliness, lucky for me there was a local breastfeeding mums org to contact and within no time a friendly mum was knocking on my door. I think that saved me from depression at the time. I've had many periods of loneliness ,both in and out of relationships, since then never sure why (yep more counselling needed) as I'm pretty involved in work family etc. I'm with you Hendrix and wish you were close by and we could have a chat, now though we seem to connect to online communities. I've looked on the bc web and can't fine a local group or if they exist they are held at times that don't suit due to work. It would be nice to have a group to meet up with for coffee or a meal. I was glad to see Cabrini health have a lunch and bc panel in September so I am planning to go to that. I wish I could attend the pink lunch in October but I will be in japan then. For me, I find cycling is my total salvation and I cycle 6 days per week to stay sane and on top of how I feel.1
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@Hendrix. Meeting up with others for a coffee who are in the same boat helps - I googled local bc support groups and found one in my area. Also YWCA is running free 8 week hydrotherapy course for bc people who are 8 weeks plus post op called Encore - another avenue to meet others - it's available many places in Australiabut as no funding no marketing budget.Exercise as she suggests is also a good idea as it releases endorphins which are feel good hormones - how about pink lady dragon boat racing ? I think being in the orbit of others who get it because they too have bc could help you a lot - just seeing others out and about might go a long way to lifting that feeling of hopelessness that hovers occasionally .There really is a lot around for us but we need to step up ourselves to find it - but if you do it just multiplies Another optionI found helpful - Cancer Council has Cancer Connect - they found a lady who been thru similar stuff to me and she rang and spoke to me for an hour - to hear her voice meant the world to me at the time - she had gotten thru it all and was enjoying life and I could hear it in her voice.The BCNA journey kit had suggestions too - my first read was just about treatment stuff but there is a lot more in it at the back
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Hi Hendrix
Stay single ! As others have said, you can still feel alone even when there is a partner or others around. We all get into these days of feeling so isolated and then all of a sudden it passes for no known reason.
Be kind to yourself - give yourself a treat of some kind. Maybe (like me a bit of special handcream), or some chocolate or a bunch of flowers or even a massage) and just wait patiently for the feeling to pass. It will.
Sometimes others just cannot understand where you are at this time so do come online and talk to others as we do know how you are feeling.
Big cyber hugs Summer :-)1 -
Oh @Hendrix I know exactly how you feel. I'm also single with just my 22yo son living at home. He's a big gamer though so when he finishes work he's basically holed up in his bedroom. I am co-parenting three of my grandchildren that are aged 1,2 and 3 and they keep me busy and sane thankfully. They also keep me exhauseted but that's par for the course. Last night they were at their other nanny's house and I felt quite low. Started crying in my lounge room by myself. I ended up on Netflix watching movies on cancer just so I could wallow in my misery and know I wasn't the only one! Today thankfully I'm feeling much better and kids are back to keep me from overthinking things. We all need a good cry to let out our emotions at times. Allow yourself the time and then get back up on that warrior horse or unicorn or whatever and tackle the world. Sending you hugs xx1
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Hi Hendrix
I also sent you a personal message.
Summer :-)0 -
Thank you everyone, glad I'm not alone feeling this way.
@Summerhill38 thank you for your message...I'm still trying to figure out how to reply lol0 -
Hi Hendrix
When you are in that message screen you just type in the bottom box as per usual then hit the send button.
Don't worry - I don't know how people do the @Summerhill38 bit on their public messages !!!!
Summer :-)1 -
@Summerhill38 you just start the name with the @ and then follow by the persons name. It will usually give you a hint as to the name you want after you've typed a couple of letters0
