What to say!

@"Harley B" you found my post thank you xx

Thank you everyone...I feel better reading your comments...it's not just my family lol

Hi hendrix big huggs its a crazy world with how to manage diagnosis and treatment.
Perhaps choose one sibling as the one to communicate info to the rest of family...i even wrote out info for sibling to tell my older parent
 Yes keep it simple...say now is not the time to keep asking questions..as you dont have all the answers yet.
Say...I will need your love and support as soon as treatment surgery starts
 say you need space..a quiet time to deal with the next few weeks. 
I am someone who has tried to be very calm and my way was not to tell a lot of family..this has worked for me as i have not had to have lengthy chemo or rads treatment
Be firm in asking for space and time to deal with this diagnosis...treat yourself as well.. massage and mind matters  relaxation web sites are a valuable tool to engage with in your own time. All the best Bright

Welcome @hendrix, I hear you with the hundred questions problem.
My big family is very concerned, would love to help, be supportive and all that. They do however live an hour away and all work, so they thought that showing support was to phone me all the time and ask about everything.
I got exhausted with it very quickly. 
I just messaged everyone and explained that treatment made me exhausted, and talking on the phone tired me out dreadfully, so I would keep them all updated by email, and thank you so much for all their understanding etc etc.
So I sent out bulk emails updating a couple of times a week, and spoke to my parents by phone if I was up to it and emailed my younger sister when I needed to meltdown as she was the one I could talk to when I needed to lean on someone.

That has seemed to work for me. Everyone feels included, I don't have to say all the same things time and time again and I keep the information fairly basic, but I don't sugar coat it either.
It probably helps that half my family are nurses, and many of them have watched extended family members deal with cancer of some sort too.

I hope you can find a way that takes the pressure off you to be positive all the time, and yet keeps them informed.
We are allowed to be tired, overwhelmed, unsure, confused, scared, fragile and just plain fed up.
I am finally learning that I am allowed to say it too.
I spent most of my life behind a smiling mask of "everything is all right"  if anyone asked.
Now I do temper it a little for who I am talking to, but mostly I am bluntly real.

Hoping you can find a comfortable answer with your family too, Jennie

Hi @Hendrix
we all get it as we're in the nightmare, roller coaster or journey or any other naming word you can think of to describe the situation.  Families and friends mean well and it is hard sometimes not to get frustrated by their response or lack thereof occasionally.  I lost a dear friend of 40 years over this; turned out perhaps she wasn't so dear after all!  She was driving me totally nutty, doubting my specialists et cetera  Mind you she's never had cancer, critical of everything, even my hospital room, which I was happy and comfortable in and I found solace as I was recuperating from mastectomy.  At one stage I said what do you want me to do get the yellow pages out and ring every surgeon. 
The most important thing here is to have faith in your team.  Remember your breast care nurse is your go to and we are all here; someone is always online to read and answer or give you a like or an awesome.  You can vent away and or ask as many questions as you like. 

I was put with a Counsellor the day of diagnosis, she shadowed me all day as I went through mammogram, ultrasound, meeting the surgeon and biopsy..................she was very very good to me!  She suggested to my hubby that he be the gatekeeper and just keep the negative nellies out of reach.  Surround yourself with positive people and have the gatekeeper keep the others informed indirectly rather than directly.  You need your sanity, you need to be able to laugh or cry, stamp the feet whatever you need to do without a frown or a comment of be positive, coming your way!

Take care 

@Hendrix normal normal normal. I think a lot of people cannot comprehend cancer can happen to anyone. If they  acknowledge what is happening then they actually have to realize it could happen to them.  (scary thought).
So you get be positive and it will be alright or .......not this is complete crap....Sometimes life is downright unfair....

Hendrix said:

Thank you Jane
i thought I did share my story..im having trouble navigating lol can you tell me where I can find what I wrote?

Hi there @Hendrix - I just wanted to say hi/welcome to the Online Network and let you know that If you need any help, please just let me know. You can find anything that you have written in discussions or commented on in your profile, under discussions and comments http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/profile/discussions/23448/Hendrix. I hope this helps, just give me a shout if you need any help with this at all.

@Hendrix Welcome Nellie, you've certainly hit a great place here with loads of support honestly!!

Once you meet the Oncologist and have an idea of plan I feel you will have direction and thats half the battle. 

In terms of family, I kept it super basic to them, because they do have a hard time comprehending it. Ive been through it twice and 2nd time I would get frustrated because they just 'dont get it' and why would they? theyre not going through it. They try to be helpful and say too much or the wrong thing, but I believe too they do not because theyre insensitive but because they dont know what to say, and really its their own fears too. Thats where coming here for me was a Godsend not just for venting, but understanding, support and even some fantastic advice on all sorts of things...its always given me a sense of comfort here that I dont get anywhere else. So please do let us know how you go next week and what your next step looks like. Hugs Melinda xo

Hendrix said:

My problem is my family as in siblings. When I cry or get angry I feel like they shit me down...if I hear stay positive we are hear for you, I'm going to scream. I know they love me and are there for me, but are you if you don't allow me to ride this roller coaster...has anyone experienced this and how do you manage it. 

Oh dear! For me it was my mother!!
If I could have disowned her and avoided her for a few months that would have been much better BUT she is my mother and I do love her dearly and she was probably more stressed about the whole cancer thing than I was. I tried really really hard to cut her some slack but I had to ask my brother (who was great) to tell her that I was struggling and I wanted to just keep things normal and so I didn't want to talk about cancer or my treatment.
This worked quite well - except she told my sister that I didn't want to talk to anyone so my sister (who thought she was doing what I asked) stopped talking to me! Far out!!
Just try telling your siblings that sometimes you NEED to cry, to freak out, to get angry and that it is impossible to stay positive all of the time. Make them feel special by saying you need them to let you have a little meltdown and then you can get your act together and face the world again.
If that fails then find a chemo/rads buddy who is going through the same thing and use each other for support. I'm now 3 years since I finished treatment and I still stay in contact with the lady who I met on the day we both had our surgery. She was my closest friend during our seven months of treatment and we called and messaged each other constantly. Now we usually just have coffee and chat about our husbands and kids but we are still there for each other when it's scan time. 

Thank you Brenda...I have a couple of people that ride the emotions out with me including my daughter
and I look forward to sharing some of those with you lovelies here who I'm sure have experienced it all and some and drawing strength from you all 
nellie xxx