What to say!

Hendrix

hello lovelies 
First time poster

onemargie

hi there sorry to hear you've made it to this forum, rest assured we are all here for you and happy to chat anytime and You will get through this. Margie.

Hendrix

Thank you onemargie...I'm still trying to navigate my way around lol I can't see my post..well all of it..is it there?

onemargie

Hendrix

Lol I actually posted a question. I will see if I can find it. 

Hopes_and_Dreams

Hello @Hendrix, welcome.  Hope you are doing OK. Feel free to share your story when you are ready.  We have all gone through different diagnosis and treatment but we all share a common bond and you will always find someone to listen and offer support when needed.  I am always amazed by the amount of information shared - we all start out knowing nothing! There is nothing easy about breast cancer but we get through it with help from the wonderful women and men on this forum.  Remember you are not alone.  Jane xx

Hendrix

Thank you Jane
i thought I did share my story..im having trouble navigating lol can you tell me where I can find what I wrote?

Brenda5

Not sure what the view is if using iPhone but I use a laptop and its much easier to see everything. Post up your question in this thread again and we'll keep an eye out for it.

onemargie

hi there again did you write your question and forget to click post?? I cant see it either??? Don't worry I'm not very tech savvy either and in fact Ive just changed my font to italics and have no idea how I did It lol!!! Margie

Hopes_and_Dreams

I couldn't tell you how many times I've lost 90% of my post when using my iPhone! Definitely easier on a laptop.  We will keep an eye out for your posts @Hendrix xx

onemargie

turned off the italics but have no idea how I did that either!!! Margie:)

Hendrix

Thanks Brenda
My story so far...surgery done clear margins...2 nodes positive...grade 2...er+ pr+ her2-...bone scan done...ct scan Monday meet oncologist Tuesday for stage results and treatment options. I've been pretty good as far as emotions go, but fear has set in this week. My problem is my family as in siblings. When I cry or get angry I feel like they shit me down...if I hear stay positive we are hear for you, I'm going to scream. I know they love me and are there for me, but are you if you don't allow me to ride this roller coaster...has anyone experienced this and how do you manage it. I'm now not talking about it with them and avoiding them. As you know the info is overload and struggle to process everything, it's very overwhelming and then I get a 100 questions from them.

Brenda5

Yep only someone who has been through it can help, I get you. I was lucky enough the neighbour at the end of the street had just finished her treatment and gave me confidence all would be fine. I met another lady in the chemo room waiting for an appointment and she gave me her phone number and we had a bit of a chat about things.  Don't forget hormones which in PMT are bad enough but they are going to suppress those with medication so the cancer has nothing to feed on and that's a challenge to live with too. Stick around here and you'll be fine. Try not to dwell too much on the actions of family and friends. They just don't know enough to help.

Hendrix

Thank you Brenda...I have a couple of people that ride the emotions out with me including my daughter
and I look forward to sharing some of those with you lovelies here who I'm sure have experienced it all and some and drawing strength from you all 
nellie xxx

Harlee

Hendrix said:

My problem is my family as in siblings. When I cry or get angry I feel like they shit me down...if I hear stay positive we are hear for you, I'm going to scream. I know they love me and are there for me, but are you if you don't allow me to ride this roller coaster...has anyone experienced this and how do you manage it. 

Oh dear! For me it was my mother!!
If I could have disowned her and avoided her for a few months that would have been much better BUT she is my mother and I do love her dearly and she was probably more stressed about the whole cancer thing than I was. I tried really really hard to cut her some slack but I had to ask my brother (who was great) to tell her that I was struggling and I wanted to just keep things normal and so I didn't want to talk about cancer or my treatment.
This worked quite well - except she told my sister that I didn't want to talk to anyone so my sister (who thought she was doing what I asked) stopped talking to me! Far out!!
Just try telling your siblings that sometimes you NEED to cry, to freak out, to get angry and that it is impossible to stay positive all of the time. Make them feel special by saying you need them to let you have a little meltdown and then you can get your act together and face the world again.
If that fails then find a chemo/rads buddy who is going through the same thing and use each other for support. I'm now 3 years since I finished treatment and I still stay in contact with the lady who I met on the day we both had our surgery. She was my closest friend during our seven months of treatment and we called and messaged each other constantly. Now we usually just have coffee and chat about our husbands and kids but we are still there for each other when it's scan time. 

melclarity

@Hendrix Welcome Nellie, you've certainly hit a great place here with loads of support honestly!!

Once you meet the Oncologist and have an idea of plan I feel you will have direction and thats half the battle. 

In terms of family, I kept it super basic to them, because they do have a hard time comprehending it. Ive been through it twice and 2nd time I would get frustrated because they just 'dont get it' and why would they? theyre not going through it. They try to be helpful and say too much or the wrong thing, but I believe too they do not because theyre insensitive but because they dont know what to say, and really its their own fears too. Thats where coming here for me was a Godsend not just for venting, but understanding, support and even some fantastic advice on all sorts of things...its always given me a sense of comfort here that I dont get anywhere else. So please do let us know how you go next week and what your next step looks like. Hugs Melinda xo